After much consideration… I’ve decided to do the whole spicy alt thing. Hit me up in my DMs if you’d like to find him 🌶️ Or maybe you can find him thru another avenue…

Vibrate to my frequency babe

Can I bite your shoulder?

Okay, final answer to that question you never asked: Yanking my chain & pulling my leg are not allowed But twisting my arm is still okay Boundaries are important :)

Brunch me harder, Sunday, I wanna be comatose and full of carbs

a better name for moths would have been “i can’t believe it’s not a butterfly”

The hierarchy of Bluesky: DM > reply > repost > like > nothing

Let go Let yourself love Let it in

My bot followers are hotter than yours

a zombie apocalypse is just high stakes nes duck hunt

I'm like Winnie the Pooh on a honey bender. Where the hell are my pants anyways???

muffled thud new band name i call it

My wife when I clean the house, make dinner and tell her she's pretty.

going hiking aka finding somewhere to get railed in the woods

I'd enjoy a shower more if I had backup singers.

technically it’s Frankenstein’s monster truck

flop sunday, my day of worship

ironic that unicorns represent purity and chastity when we can all see that they’re super horny

I’m a draft dodger, but only because I get cold really easily.

There’s a 10 in 1 chance that I slept through statistics in math class.

Whenever I start to feel insecure about my appearance, I’ll remember that my most-saved post so far is a selfie

Dr. Feelgood will be seeing you now

talking about how pointless everything is rn reminded me how important the little things are

Brunettes do it better.

If you are going to stay off Bluesky for the weekend, I’ll be forced to get a life and then you’ll miss me terribly when I’m away

I hope I’m not gonna have to resort to nudity just to get some attention around here tonight. Come on, it’s Saturday for Christ’s sake! Is this thing on 🎤

Bluesky? More like Deadsky amiright?? (crickets)

Favorite Halloween movie? Mine is definitely Bram Stoker’s Dracula. I try to watch it every year. I even dressed as him for Halloween a few years back

I don’t like myself either, checkmate.

Care Bear stares you

After a bit of scrolling, I’m concerned that some of you failed sex ed

i think you’re wonderful!!!!! - me, shouting into the void

My ex is from Texas and trust me, not everything is bigger.

[during sex] what base is this?

How many digits I recite pi to will tell you how good the sex was

i hate that carrie underwood song about committing several car related crimes

Interact with me, right now!

signs of poster's madness: 1. you post on bsky

I just got beers and Chinese food so imma bouta be buzzed and gassy. Who wants this (crotch chop)?

“rock out with your cock out” what the fuck? keep it in your pants in the mosh pit sir

Fool me once, shame on you Fool me twice, shame on me Fool me 3 times, shame on me Fool me 4 times, shame on me (Keep going, I’m really gullible)

in an alternate universe my nudes are airbrushing me

My favourite holes: Butt Donut Glory

It’s a rainy day Come in bed with me

I’m going to give some unsolicited advice: If the second message in my DMs is that you’re horny and the third and fourth are unsolicited dick pics you may want to rethink your approach.

It’s spooky season and I heard you like black crows, please respond.

If you follow me and I haven’t fb, reply to this post so I can do so.

Every day is a new day to spiral a little differently