Go ahead and give it to me

In-store pick-up at Lowe's followed by an email and a text asking me to rate how THEY did. I ordered the part, I paid for the part, I came into the store, I showed them my bar code, and carried the part out to my car. I did a great job. 5 ⭐. I would highly recommend doing this with myself again.

Someone better alert the feds that airplanes are very openly and explicitly ANTI-ICE

Was the shooter actually just very against ice formation on engine inlets, wing leading edges, etc 🤔

Good to see Wolverine lopping off limbs and stabbing dudes in the head.

some folks don't associate "cute" with horses, but how do they explain this? #horseposting

*goes looking for love* *comes back with a case of beer and a pizza*

Stop fucking around and flirt with me ffs

Friendly reminder the term "transgender" was first used as a diagnostic umbrella for those most often seen dying of AIDS: the conglomerate group of "cross dressers, transvestites, transsexuals, working girls, and openly effeminate gays"

Make a porn wholesome: Pamela Anderson and Tommy Lee Mix Tape

Things you can ask at family dinner and an orgy: "Want some cream pie?"

Mmm fresh cigarettes from the oven

Welp. I’ve been called before the committee. Again.

It’s not polite to jizz in the eye of the storm. (Hey, it’s naughty latenight somewhere.)

I think my goal at this point is to get to his level of peace with who he is

I'm not a proctologist, but I know how to be a pain in the ass.

nepotism in the business world is so crazy but to be fair if someone gave me a cushy job id happily call them daddy

Trying to work here, buddy

Someone should cash app me $100 so I can buy this hat 🥺😏🤡

Stewing like a tomato

Tylenol made me pregnant.

looks like they are wearing a bow tie🥹🤣🖤

better view of that face🥹🖤

Whatever, i get shy smiles from cute men and women when I'm out

candles is short for candy lesbians

Before google maps you just had a buddy in another car who said “follow me” then proceeded to run a late yellow at the next intersection.

I get that the news cycle is packed right now, but I just heard from a colleague at the Smithsonian that this is fully a GIANT SQUID BEING EATEN BY A SPERM WHALE and it’s possibly the first ever confirmed video according to a friend at NOAA 10 YEAR OLD ME IS LOSING HER MIND (a thread 🧵)

My autism is store bought just like my bones

What if we split a fish & chips from my favorite drive-in while sitting in a park overlooking the waterfront on a sunny autumn day 🥺👉👈

I started and discarded 9 replies to your post before settling on “Same!”, please respond.

got my little treat a little treat as a little treat

I want one (1) fish and just a little bit of chips. My favorite place gives you four (4) fish and a LOT of chips

Glad at least one of my ejacu- skeets did ok

big dick energy bros are vastly outnumbered by average dick energy bros

Why you might want to question blindly following anyone, but in this instance specifically Mueller She Wrote.

It's really the perfect example of how copaganda works because if Kash and Dan were still two shithead podcasters nobody would be printing what they say but give them a badge and suddenly they're trustworthy authorities

EMERGENCY ‼️ A PORTION OF MY CEILING COLLAPSED OVER THE WEEKEND. I NEED HELP WITH REPAIRS TO MY CEILING AND MY ROOF, A MINIMUM OF $3,000. IF YOU FOLLOW ME AND CARE ABOUT BLACK PEOPLE HAVING SAFE AND REPAIRED HOUSING, PLEASE GIVE TO AND/OR CIRCULATE THIS CAUSE. THANK YOU! 😊

Would you give her a disgusted look for saying just saying "Hi" to you?

*me posting my flat lil butt for wagon wednesday* "ladies and gentleman, the weak end"

On the plus side a couple who i had never seen or talked to before said good night to me as they were leaving so maybe it was a wash last night

This was a great day

One million Disney+ subscriptions to protect the human rights of a rich white man. How many people will cancel their HBO subscriptions once Harry Potter is released in order to protect the human rights of trans people everywhere?

Good morning, Mariners fans. MLB has uploaded the entirety of the bottom of the eighth and top of the ninth of last night's playoff-clincher on YouTube.

doctor you like not moving out of the state challenge

we keep making breakthroughs in medicine and then pricing everyone out of affording them someone who is good at the economy please help me budget this. my family is dying

A lady in this grocery store just let out the biggest fart as I walked by and I can’t even disagree

If a man tell you he doesn’t deserve you, ask him for a list of names of men who do. Then also ask for their phone numbers. Then go talk to those men instead.

"I would die a thousand deaths, endure centuries of torture, and crawl my way through Hell just to proclaim I have been rewarded the greatest gift under The Heavens: her love." What kept me up at 4am this morning

Pound Cake By The Ocean