You seem like the kind of guy who gives his whole heart to his friends and it shows 🫂❤️

really glad i don’t have to do math anymore since i graduated 5-25 years ago

You seem like the kind of guy who doesn’t follow @trickykat.bsky.social and it shows

first date idea: we binge watch Star Trek: The Next Generation hello? okay yeah she hung up

is it a bird is it a plane is it the loss of my ability to recognize everyday objects

"Let's go to bed" doesn't always mean sleep. In fact, that's rarely what I mean.

It’s been four days since @trickykat.bsky.social went to bed. I think it’s the Tylenol.

thanks to tylenol I became a skeetaholic

you’re never more than 10 feet away from someone texting “lol” with a completely expressionless face

You seem like the kind of girl who has recorded herself playing the ukulele

my posts are 100% mid in america

Please be thoughtful about your wording before you say something like “I took Tylenol while I was pregnant and my kid turned out perfect.” All kids are perfect.

replying to all posts today with "sorry you got left behind"

the last person to log off tonight is “it” I don’t make the rules

yes i can see but im still not turning off my high dreams

gather round young blueskies, let me tell the tale of the early days of bluesky. first of all, the timeline was all dick pics as far as the eye could scroll….

batman has midlife crisis and starts a more comprehensive night time moisturiser and anti-aging serum ritual for the lower half of his face

when a group of shitposters hang out irl it’s a pooarty

when I say that I am going to bed and I don't, know that this is a test of humanity's free will

im switching to stupid bitch stance

saying "For Pete's sake" twice is the same as saying "For Repete's sake"

I'd go to bed right now but my heart is in san francisco

if I worked for disney no I wouldn't

you know you're old when the only function of a selfie stick is to help you read your texts

demonstrating tremendous courage by exceeding the parking limit by 5 minutes

Deadpool fucks, even Death is in love with him.

we wouldn't all die of AI slop if sarah connor had just raised john right

still badass skipping out on the school reunion like I skipped out on school

important caturday message the black panther's outfit needs a tail

the possible existence of a fiji mermaid portends to the possible existence of an aquafina mermaid, a disani mermaid, a liquid death mermaid, an evian mermaid, a voss mermaid, a smartwater mermaid, and maybe even a lacroix mermaid

just realized @los-los.bsky.social and @gregthemiller.bsky.social are two different people

I feel like the captain america of skeeting. I could do this all day.

if you can't deal with your cat at her worst then you deserve her

Your shoe is untied

the hitbox on your mind is tricky

Noah: *designing the Ark* I’ll need a big room for poop

On your first day, it's important to earn respect by picking a fight with the biggest dude at the orgy.

the scariest thing about halloween are these frightening pfp's with spooky handles. like how did you get onto my feed and if I give you candy will you go away?

*slipping handfuls of m&m's into all of your jacket's pockets 🥰*

stay 𝚐̶𝚘̶𝚕̶𝚍̶ pink, pony𝚋̶𝚘̶𝚢̶ club

my sleep debt is killing my FICO score

thanks to time zones it’s already Halloween in Australia

Boss: Did you finish your self-assessment? Me: Sure did! Boss: Did you submit it to the HR portal? I can't find it. Me: Wait, self-assessment isn't a euphemism?

Dork is short for K-pop Stefan Hunters. [zing]

Björk is short for Bizarre Jörk

medusssssa wasssss onsssse a sssseductive temptressssss

I’ve got opinions but everyone else has nopinions

spork is short for a speedy jork

Oliver Plot Oliver Twist

Ruin a Tolstoy novel by changing 587287 words