If you see this, post an album cover with a motor vehicle on it.

Share a TV series from the 1960s you love My choice: The Jetsons

I don’t trust people who “can’t complain.”

Just once, I’d like to admire my naked body in a full length mirror without getting kicked out of Kohl’s.

So far today, I have broken a blender and a sex toy I have become too powerful

I wish it would hurry up and snow. There are so many people i want to stab with icicles

Murder, she suggested

She was a ten but then you found out she spelled lightning with an "e" embedded in it.

The ability to distinguish between an AI picture and a real one is called art official intelligence...and send

Support your local flaws, imperfections, mistakes and food banks

What I especially appreciate is selfies of absolute strangers in "Popular with Friends." I don't even look at selfies of me (aka "the mirror") if I can avoid it because vanity is just not attractive, in my opinion.

The physical comedy of MPFC is my favorite. Hilarious.

It snowed today, so don’t expect anything from me until it’s gone.

Ice cream sandwich makers: “What if we…and hear me out..make it incredibly frustrating to unwrap them?”

My Ex: Do you sell XL condoms? Clerk: Yes, would you like some? Ex: No, I’ll just wait here until someone comes along to buy them.

According to my phone app, it’s 29°F with the windchill of 13°F. According to my window, it’s also fucking snowing. *sigh*

Finn, the feral rescue cat is a tad pissed at me. He caught a chipmunk and I made him let go. The chipmunk hauled ass and escaped. That look Finn gave me was chilling.

I'll start going to church when they have free wifi and recreational drugs.

I wish my mind was dishwasher safe.

Sticking it out on Bluesky because my Minecraft village was enshittificated

Have you ever ended up hating a fellow shopper just because you encounter them in every aisle? Grocery store entanglement is a bitch.

Wow, that's awesome! Also, go f#$k yourself 😂

You can't convince me a circle is worth much. They're rather pointless. (and other weird shit I mumble to myself)

"I'm still punk," I sigh as I dunk my donut in milk of magnesia.

Remember kids, any time away from a toilet is borrowed time.

Yeah, I'm an 80's kid, how did you know? *is hungry like a wolf*

Yeah, I'm an 80's kid, how did you know? 🎶 Hey now Hey now now Sing this corrosion to me 🎶

My panic room can be any room, just give me a minute.

Yeah, I'm an 80's kid, how did you know? 🎶It's tricky to rock a rhyme, to rock a rhyme that's right on time, it's tricky🎶

Yeah, I'm an 80's kid, how did you know? 🎶Cause I’ll dance if I wanna, we’ll leave your friends behind🎶

Mash up bands: Matchbox Twenty One Pilots

Yeah, I'm an 80's kid, how did you know? 🎶 I'll be alone, dancing, you know it, baby 🎶

You can lead a horse to water and you can also then be like “Hey Horse, watch THIS” then do a bunch of surfing

I'll follow you. (Threatening)

Slow your roll with those hashtags, buddy.

Bluesky movie review: Frankenstein Guillermo del Toro's version of the classic horror movie. No spoilers here, but it's a greater version than any others I have seen. A love story? You bet. 5 out of 5 buttholes and all of them puckered at the end.

Because kissing is a color. youtu.be/LlVI7ZNiFlI?...

I keep doing random karate for no reason Doesn’t make any sensei

Sangria has juice in it so it's technically a breakfast beverage.

There is no "U" in QEEOORR.

My goal was to earn $30k gambling this year. Only $50k to go…

irresponsibly posting my location on social media

Him: babe, do you want to go to a cheese tasting? Me:

Just say it

I found out recently my husband has been emailing me at the wrong address for over 4 years

Touch grass you said It will be fun you said Sure I said what’s the worst that could happen (severe allergic reaction and $200 fine)

Look at her little ears at the end!

My panic room is the bathroom in which I store all the extra asswipe.

My panic room is just a block list.