It’s Monday. I got nothing funny for you. Go to work.

My parents passing down a hard work ethic and not family wealth was shrewd. Well played Fam. Well played.

Dude there were fucking ten fucking seconds there I didn't know if I could roll a fucking joint...talk about that life flash before you're fucking eyes shit

This morning is back to work for me. Unfortunately my phone's alarm setting was still on PTO.

sorry i broke out into an epic air guitar solo when you announced your retirement

drafts folder is just my bite my tongue folder

Morning.

Morning.

I think it’s really beautiful how we’ve all come together over our shared love of deviled eggs. The world is healing.

As I slip gently into a coma, I’ll be dreaming of you. No, not you.

Over! Good morning! 🩷

This bitch is domestic. 🩷🐰🩷

Can't wait until egg o'clock.

I’ve seen enough dateline episodes to know you should always be aware of who your kids’ enemies are

rain rain come today stay away another day

Dr. Pepper called he said drink me

make a movie silly dial m for macaroni

trying to work out a spell that will enable me to go grab some groceries without disturbing the sleeping pup on my lap for the good of all and harm none ye blessed and so mote it be

sorry can't trying to but can't oh wait maybe nope won't

The Easter egg hunt took a sinister turn

Meanwhile at the all is forgiven BBQ

thinking about becoming a tits avi

Baby shit cookies (I don't make the names) picked and drying #CannabisCultivators

Everyday I effortlessly demonstrate the ability to be both smarter than I look and dumber than you thought possible

I've pood pant

Depluralize a movie No country for old man

deplurailze a movie first element

Just here to ruin your scroll

#NowWatching I've been dying to see this a second time Companion (2025)

Your account is an absolute mess Followed

He has risen, yet he’s still not answering my texts

Easter Sunday at my parents. I’ve been offered ham and judgment

Maybe I have your post notifications on. Maybe I don’t. I’ll never tell.

Mindfulness matters

We're all here to write posts and share them without hesitation

This chaos goblin is determined to electrocute herself. She is yanking the wire cage away from the wall so she can chew thru the protective cord cover. Get another hobby, please

Bunny does not respond to requests or pleas to not eat cords. She does, however, abhor being held/snuggled. If I can catch her being naughty, she gets snuggled/held, hoping that she associates her actions with the snuggles. It works as well as anything else. Also, I moved the lamp/cord. Again

Passage from ‘Hillbilly Elegy’ As far back as he could remember JD had obsessed about his dream of one day being named the Fraud Czar In the presidential cabinet which featured the most fraudulent shitbags the world has ever known

Happy Easter fellow heathens

In Tasmania they celebrate the Passover Wallaby

Thank god I aborted my brain jesus with marijuana and cheap tequila when I was 16

When Trump says ‘you’ll be living in Hell’ have we considered that he’s threatening to become President of Iran?

Target is now focusing on tightening their dress code and forcing employees into inorganic customer interactions as the way to fix their business. Seems analogous to prioritizing arranging deck chairs on the Titanic.

Steve Kroft recently did a bitter interview where he dissed ‘60 Minutes’ as a cutthroat, toxic workplace. Actually, I was far more interested in hearing about what it was like working with the puppets from H.R. Pufnstuf.

Oh no, just remembered that there’s no new John Oliver episode this week. As if I needed additional reasons to go into a panic mode.

I’m not saying it’s the reason it got canceled but when ‘Watson’ replaced Matt Berry as Sherlock Holmes they probably deserve whatever bad karma came their way. (In the interest of full disclosure I’m still pissed off that it took me an entire season to realize that the twins were just one actor.)

they're working on a new peptide that grows a bunch of extra inexplicable nipples on your body