my freshman roommate walked around in basketball shorts in the dead of winter and when i asked him about it he just said “i don’t care about my legs” and i think about that a lot

I put the e in effort you're responsible for the effort.

ain’t no milk in there and I sure as fuck don’t taste any bone so wtf is up with these snacks

why does jesus get two holidays when veterans only get one

insulating myself from the rise in fuel costs by running my car on Alpo

it’s not required that you wear panties to a job interview, they don’t even check

remember don't be too enthusiastic in your replies people might think you want to join their discord

Time to put on my bunny tail.

The whole world is obsessed with forgiveness without any acknowledgement of the harm caused, and fuck that.

Sometimes in talking to myself, I break the English language. Oops.

They really need to hire more for third shift Bluesky.

Happy Easter💙

Dead person rising and logging on.

I’d like to teleport to a Waffle House rn.

guess who's back, back again? jesus' back, tell a friend guess who's back, guess who's back na na na 🎶

Gonna annoy my wife today by following her around, thrusting my hips, and yelling “he has risen!”

easter sin with me

The preppers are absolutely loving this! C'mon babies - it's your time to shine

Bluesky really wants me to look at shirtless men.

Neither burnt nor raw but a secret, more mysterious uneatable pizza

☕ c h e e r s 🐇

Hoping no one wants to have pasta today, since Im working at the restaurant. 🤞 Happy Easter to all who celebrate.

dark chocolate crucifixes filled with strawberry syrup

Who up milking?

I will be hosting my family with a formal Easter dinner at Taco Bell.

If we all stare at our phones long enough we’ll see Jesus.

Mom’s easter “dirt cake” 🐣

Wake up, you're one day closer to death and chocolate eggs.

❤️

don't look at me while i spiral

my sister and nephew are sick which means postponed easter activities until next weekend, grief ensues

I want to want to do something whether or not I do what I want.

Easter's great. All the assholes are in church and I can reclaim my spot by the creek.

jesus rose from the dead to return the frankincense, and myrrh stating: i do miracles, foo

how quickly this cult spread it started out with only 12 now look where we’re at

nobody has a problem with furries on easter

Internet idiocy: rate me on a scale from 1 to Carl.

Alexa how many fucking ribeyes and crab legs does 1.5 trillion dollars fucking buy?

I just wanna lay in the back of a pickup truck in the middle of a field and stare at the stars

smell my fleur

easter basket stuff of cuteness for my little

nothing like the smell of rude comments and people correcting your grammar on Easter morning

started carrying a pair of gloves everywhere, in case I have to slap someone’s face with them

All hail the Easter Bunny, Frank the Rabbit.

If you see this, post a rabbit.

He has risen! He’s still rising! He’s in outer space! He just high fived the astronauts on Artemis II!

Put my hoodie on backwards and just left it that way

Happy Paul Newman Eating 50 Hard-boiled Eggs Day to all who celebrate!