Uncle Kermit
@unclekermit.bsky.social
๐ค 10807
๐ฅ 1097
๐ 7606
Buffoon, Drunk, Failure. bsky.app/profile/did:plc:sdkxyw2r7xlx5kjhsolgagv6/feed/aaam3sitppeow
reposted by
Uncle Kermit
Jack Boot
3 days ago
Remember late 70s/early 80s high school when guys flaunted their jock cred by wearing a cut-off football jersey half-T? Those photos didn't age well. You can get past the feathered hair, parted in the middle but your kids will never forgive the half-T.
7
17
2
reposted by
Uncle Kermit
Pandy Fackler
1 day ago
I tried to use a parasol to protect me from the sun. My family took it away from me after I wouldn't stop promenading and sashaying
1
46
10
I'd win one of those hotdog eating contests if we all had to eat in the nude.
1 day ago
0
1
0
I never realized Bronson wore a speedo in the beginning of Death Wish. My world view is shattered.
1 day ago
0
6
2
reposted by
Uncle Kermit
Pot Shop Boy
3 days ago
does the empire state building thing involve king kong yes or no
3
28
12
My favorite Motley Crue song is Too Fat For Love.
1 day ago
0
1
0
There are many ways to die, but no one should be shot dead in a dispute over a Walmart parking spot.
1 day ago
0
2
0
Guys, if you have a butterfly tattoo, it better be of a deadly, poisonous butterfly, or you're gonna get beat up.
1 day ago
0
5
0
Good relationships don't just happen. They are arranged by your parents for the financial gain of both families.
1 day ago
0
2
0
What they don't know won't hurt them, unless it is the location of the trap door over the spikes.
1 day ago
0
4
0
reposted by
Uncle Kermit
Jenny Doesnโt Know
1 day ago
Don't you forget about cheese Don't, don't, don't, don't Don't you forget about cheese
15
160
37
reposted by
Uncle Kermit
SpatialKimtamine
2 days ago
Every day I get a little closer to befriending an inanimate object
3
133
38
Digital blood spatter is the worst thing in modern action films.
2 days ago
1
2
0
The Girl with Maxillary Prognathism.
3 days ago
0
2
0
reposted by
Uncle Kermit
Deeks ๐ซถ
3 days ago
I spend an enormous amount of time on here muttering "what the fuck does that even mean?"
7
219
81
An awful lot of people and things end up in "The Middle of Nowhere." Maybe it's not such an isolated spot?
3 days ago
0
1
0
It would be terrible to be a girl with the last name "Hooker."
3 days ago
1
1
0
I bought one of those auctioned off abandoned storage lockers, but it was just full of human heads in pickle jars.
3 days ago
0
1
0
reposted by
Uncle Kermit
unnatural girlfriend
4 days ago
my beautiful breasts
8
66
1
reposted by
Uncle Kermit
๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐๐
3 days ago
the girl with the check engine light on
1
209
34
reposted by
Uncle Kermit
unnatural girlfriend
3 days ago
my top 8 penises
1
35
1
reposted by
Uncle Kermit
unnatural girlfriend
3 days ago
cute date idea: digital penetration @ shake shack
0
46
3
reposted by
Uncle Kermit
Jenny Doesnโt Know
3 days ago
โItโs whatโs on the inside that counts.โ I say as I cut my arm & cheese oozes out
8
20
3
reposted by
Uncle Kermit
Viktor Winetrout
3 days ago
I hate when you go to church and another guy is wearing the same goat mask
8
331
70
reposted by
Uncle Kermit
Splendid Hobo
5 days ago
Itโs not kinky until a netti potโs involved
1
33
13
reposted by
Uncle Kermit
Matty
3 days ago
RIP funny thought I had while driving
7
189
53
reposted by
Uncle Kermit
Queen RanDumb
3 days ago
My soul mate probably lives in a cave.
10
95
34
reposted by
Uncle Kermit
Algonquin K Farquhar II
4 days ago
Bartender, vodka rocks and a plate of cold lasagna, please.
1
12
8
reposted by
Uncle Kermit
FROVO
over 2 years ago
maybe no one is building a time machine in the future because everyone is dead
14
473
132
Sometimes them Marijuana hippies will smoke up and pass out in my field, and then the raccoons get to them and impregnate them with a mess of eggs. I take em to the hospital but it don't do no good.
3 days ago
0
14
5
reposted by
Uncle Kermit
SpatialKimtamine
3 days ago
June is almost over and I'm not done complaining about men and how gay I wanna be
2
70
14
In the summer time raccoons get awful randy, and they will lay a mess of eggs in your dog or cat. It's traumatizing when they bloat up and the young raccoons eat their way out.
3 days ago
2
7
3
reposted by
Uncle Kermit
Gretchen
4 days ago
Every 8 years or so I google some asshat I went to law school with and theyโre always doing well. Fuck them.
2
27
2
reposted by
Uncle Kermit
'dro๐ฐ
4 days ago
Do you think Patrick Swayze is a real ghost now
1
25
10
No one came to my Quinceaรฑera, just because I'm a 53 year old man. I had a nice dress and everything.
4 days ago
0
2
0
Like any healthy person I cry at work and pretend it's because of allergies.
5 days ago
1
4
0
Everyone gets paranoid when you compliment their eyebrows.
5 days ago
0
2
0
If I could have dinner with any celebrity, living or dead, I think it would be Popeye.
5 days ago
0
7
3
It must feel awful being full of piss and vinegar.
5 days ago
1
1
0
I guess if I was in the desert dying of thirst I might try to drink some clamato, but that's the only time.
5 days ago
0
2
0
reposted by
Uncle Kermit
BEAVE
8 days ago
Men will literally suck your toes instead of going to therapy. And itโs awesome.
10
161
44
reposted by
Uncle Kermit
Viktor Winetrout
5 days ago
You missed the whole point of the film. Itโs a story about a man named Ernest. Who goes to camp
24
576
82
reposted by
Uncle Kermit
Gef the Toking Mongoose
5 days ago
2
40
3
reposted by
Uncle Kermit
Lionel Messy
6 days ago
I'm gonna retire the day I have to work with somebody named Daenerys
7
144
16
Ode to Orgasming on Amyl Nitrate.
6 days ago
0
1
0
There must be ten men who are ugly out there because I got alot of handsome in me.
6 days ago
1
5
1
I see myself as a modern day Telly Savalas.
6 days ago
0
2
1
Load more
feeds!
log in