another banger thought up in a mid-nap haze lost forever into the ether

"Sup." -Jesus, greeting the apostles at the Last Supper

Autocorrect has become our worst enema.

sink low beneath the surface

another 5-star review of my bluesky account!

My spirit animal is that sleepy time tea bear

I don't think sleep is working for me anymore

me as a Bluesky therapist: shitpost and shit post are not the same

Boobs

Don't tell me hot chocolate is not food. I make that shit with milk, dammit

i thought i was ready to buy a new pair of slippers but then i got cold feet

Baby you put the dope in dopamine.

Your honor, I'd like to direct your attention to exhibit A... you gonna finish that?

1940s postcard time

Hey I warned you in the bio.

You are gentle enough to melt the cruelty of the world.

When I arrive at the party

I am jammin'* tonight! * in my pajamas at 7:00 pm

Ok so the “rear wiper” button in my car is not what I thought it was for

My best replies are to deleted posts.

STRENGTH CRUSHES ENEMIES! DO YOU WANT TO TEXT A FRIEND?

Them..tomorrow will be a better day. Me...lame.

I’ve decided to become david bowie and none of you can stop me

Happy Wednesday ilu ♥️ Chi Chi Chi co co co! 🎶💃🤣 @shellhound.com @fulkery.bsky.social @lunchjournals.bsky.social @killingicons.bsky.social youtu.be/dwp1IRP-qOU?...

Just to clear something up: If I quote post you, it’s for my own entertainment. If you quote post me, it’s offensive to me and all of my ancestors.

[being mauled] bear: *mauling me* me: is it berenstein or berenstain

More like *horn*ucopia, that buckle on your hat is sexy as hell

i would consider macaroni and cheese a "core" thanksgiving side as quintessential to the holiday as green beans or mashed potatoes. some however would disagree *steeples fingers* much to consider

Are you there god? It's me, mothman

Think anyone ever calls NASA saying, "Houston, we have a word problem"? I bet they'd like that kind of challenge.

Your daily fortune: There’s no such thing as good or bad luck. There is only hard work, preparation, gremlin trouble, and witch curses.

1940s postcard time

Still kinda pissed how both the Professor and Mary Ann were given short shrift in the Gilligan’s Island theme song

I miss phone booths both as a source for loose change and also as protection against attacking seagulls

our time here is brief: a candle in the wind; a sigh in the night; a bus on the freeway

I’m tolerating lactose you’ve never even heard of

Hey @captantagonist.bsky.social good morning

My client is the pillar of the shitposting community Your honor

passive-aggressive potato salad

People say things online they would never say to your face like "good morning"

Minnie Weaselhead United States, Census, 1920

bluesky is like high school. no one liked me there either.

I really racked up the miles on my Fitbit when I retraced my steps to see where I left my sanity.

... ... ... what the hell kind of ninja gets right in front of the full moon to form a silhouette against the roof tops? for shame.

In the suburbs, they're called a wineaux

a jury of my peers? well then yer honor go ahead and find 12 folks that piss in the sink

Great news! We are increasing our prices. Now you get even MORE of the same low price you’ve always loved.

BEEP BOOP THIS IS NORA'S AUTOMATED MED CHECK. today is Wednesday. everyone take your meds 🤖💊

Heloise Richasse France, Insee Social Security Death Index, 1970-2022