I wonder if the devil knows how much people love his ham and eggs

Happy Friday ilu ❤️ You made it through the week and I'm proud of you! Now I'm going to dance 🎶 😍 @fulkery.bsky.social @shellhound.com @farcewtf.bsky.social @therealdcf.bsky.social @muyrando.bsky.social @lazer-cat.bsky.social @lunchjournals.bsky.social youtu.be/KSH-FVVtTf0?...

Pixie really loves her blanket. Yes, my chair pillows are giant crackers

no quicksifs, quicksands, or quicksbuts about it

been watching the olympics and i think i found a solution to the male loneliness crisis

why stop at doubles. there should be an event where they see how many guys you can stack before the sled falls over

Hey y'all ilu ❤️

Happy Thursday ilu ❤️ Guess what I'm having for lunch 🎶😍😂 @fulkery.bsky.social @shellhound.com @farcewtf.bsky.social @therealdcf.bsky.social @muyrando.bsky.social @lazer-cat.bsky.social @lunchjournals.bsky.social youtu.be/-6HWMkyTAaA?...

Say what you will about my vices, they get me out of the house

Been saying "uh oh" a worrying amount lately

SHELVE YOUR SCIMITAR, TODAY YOU WILL BATTLE DEHYDRATION. AND YOU WILL WIN.

What's holding you back in life? Is it your inability to speak with owls, or shapeshift into a bear, or quickly craft primitive daggers out of discarded antlers & bones? These things can be learned, if you follow the dark paths in the forest.

I think I'm currently playing the winner of "most playable characters in a game" award 🎮😍😍

Cinderella is short for Cindy Mozzarella

Tucking myself in betwixt two voluptuous sheets of lasagna ✨

my grandmother died in 1992 so i have no idea if i’ve continued to get more handsome since then

STOP SCROLLING! Pixie is here and she looks so damn adorable! She sends you love and purrs 🐈❤️

I like to think I've led a full life full of novel experiences, but then realize how much I'm still missing out on

Post a banger not in English 🎶 😍 youtu.be/q_krT35dgDM?...

Today's tshirt

Good morning my lovelies 🌞

threateningly: felt ugly, might post later

car inspections are cool because it’s like spinning a giant wheel where you pay either $20 or $1000

Today's tshirt

Happy Monday ilu ❤️ I'm in the mood to move this morning 🎶😍 @fulkery.bsky.social @shellhound.com @farcewtf.bsky.social @therealdcf.bsky.social @muyrando.bsky.social youtu.be/7wNEXWnXAd0?...

Good morning my lovelies 🌞

Them: try not to think twice about it Me: i won’t even think once

You can eat cake in bed. No one can stop you.

Today's tshirt

looking for drafts on bluesky? simply tag your unfinished posts with #drafts

In case you need a reminder, you're still hot

Now, I know what you're thinking: "CPSC, why does this look like the room where the bad guy from SAW makes his podcast." The thing you need to understand is that we're not like other agencies. We don't "have things" or "go to the store." We make our own way. We get what we get and we don't get upset

I got my tax refund so today I acted like I was rich and got the ultra fancy car wash

OK I changed the smoke alarm battery bc "being alive!" lolol

If your smoke alarm was this fashionable, you'd never forget it.

(explaining modern society) imagine being a tamagotchi but with anxiety and bills to pay

yo but what if instead lf "reel big fish" it was "real big sandwich"

bro, if i knew this was a struggle bus, i wouldn’t have gotten on

I rarely do this, but I’m hoping I maybe have enough of a following here that someone can help: I need to get in contact with Donkey Kong. It’s urgent

Magic mushrooms my ass. I ate some and nothing magical happened for the entire 2,000 years I spent living on a rainbow and herding unicorns.

one of those family stick figure appliqués for your car window only they’re all hot dogs

some day people are going to notice me and theyll realize that ive been here the whole time being absolutely- hang on why does this say ridiculous?

My favorite thing about protein bars is that they satisfy the innate human desire for sweet edible clay

additionally: tamagotchis are often held by someone, whereas I have no one to hold me. bob: 0, tamagotchi: 1 😭

Give up giving up.

My only bling is the reflective tape on my winter coat. I'm not glamorous I'm just highly visible in traffic

it's unbelievable to me that someone could actually be a trillionaire. i think most of us have trouble internalizing how much money that truly is. let me put it in simple terms for you: a trillion dollars is three million dollars

Me: Is he friendly? Does he bite? Can I pet him? Her: leave my baby alone.