Forget milk and cookies. If the immortal dark elf from the cold lands breaks into your house later tonight and doesn't find whiskey and raw meat left out, his wrath will be terrible to behold. You have been warned.

Which of Santa's reindeer is your favorite? 1. Bitey 2. Noodle Arms 3. Nuzzle Monster 4. Todd the Destroyer

Which of Santa's reindeer is your favorite? 1. Bitey 2. Noodle Arms 3. Nuzzle Monster 4. Todd the Destroyer

The holiday season is a time for sharing. So sharpen your antlers and fangs, spread your great black wings, soar across the land, and share fear and wonder with all who behold your dark beauty.

Happy Cthulhu-mas to all who celebrate.

Things to celebrate this holiday season: - festive cheeses - time traveling ghosts - weird relatives - potatoes - weird relatives who like potatoes - your normal feeling of dark dread is now illuminated by twinkling lights

Your daily horoscope: Today you will feel like a string of Christmas lights - blinking, fading, and slowly shorting out.

We know about Santa's 'Naughty or Nice list,' but which list are you on? 1. drunk & disorderly 2. exhausted ennui 3. bitter curmudgeon 4. barely able to function

We know about Santa's 'Naughty or Nice list,' but which list are you on? 1. drunk & disorderly 2. exhausted ennui 3. bitter curmudgeon 4. barely able to function

Red sky in the morning, sailor's warning. Red sky at night, sailor's delight. Red sky at noon, Cthulhu arrives bearing gifts, and that gift is your doom.

Celebrate your holidays like the old ones would. Hide inside your mossy haunted cottage in the forest, delve for secrets in arcane books, and blame goblins for your problems.

There's no such thing as owning too many books. There is such a thing as owning too much other furniture that blocks the space for more bookshelves, however.

Don't let the calendar trap you, or the circular cycle of the moon define you. Break free of time and create your own rhythms based on the creeping fog of the moors, the crumbling of ancient castles, and dark powers that dwell in the catacombs.

Your daily fortune: Not every day will be a great day, and that's ok. You can still eat some fried potatoes either way.

What's your festivity level? 1. holly jolly 2. calm & bright 3. bah, humbug! 4. full Grinch

What's your festivity level? 1. holly jolly 2. calm & bright 3. bah, humbug! 4. full Grinch

Affordable last minute gift ideas! - mysterious jar of moss - invisible helmet - thrift store goblin bones - fox laughter - map of good burritos - curly fries & kindness

Who are you? 1. a writer in training 2. a ghost in waiting 3. witch of the wine aisle 4. person who likes potatoes

Don't give up on your dreams. If you wish to chase timid townsfolk away from the dark heart of the forest with the terrible grandeur of your shambling form, I know you can do it. I believe in you.

Your daily horoscope: Today you will feel like one of Santa's elves - exhausted, overworked, and tired of the boss getting credit for all your hard work.

It’s a great time to turn your backyard into a wildlife sanctuary. It’s a great time to turn your crawl space into a bear cave. It’s a great time to turn your attic into raccoon apartments. It’s a great time to turn your garage into a dark lair for the guardian owls of legend.

Your daily fortune: Stay true to who you are. Don't hide your fangs behind a thin smile.

Affordable last minute gift ideas! - mysterious jar of moss - invisible helmet - thrift store goblin bones - fox laughter - map of good burritos - curly fries & kindness

Your personal forecast for this evening: Exhaustion, ennui, dubious online purchases, soft pants, a lack of cavorting, some regrets.

If you've prepared your Christmas tree properly, by now it should be: - humming softly - vibrating slightly - levitating a little - wreathed in Eldritch flame - whispering dark incantations to summon ancient elves

Celebrate your holidays like the old ones would. Hide inside your mossy haunted cottage in the forest, delve for secrets in arcane books, and blame goblins for your problems.

Celebrate the solstice the old fashioned way. Gather moss from forgotten tombs, wear a garland of ancient goblin bones to ward off fairy mischief, and enter into a drinking contest with the old gods of the wood.

Today is a day for rest and reflection. A day to rest your weary bones, and reflect upon the havoc you will wreak when you finally unleash your true monstrous form upon the world.

Celebrate the solstice the old fashioned way. Gather moss from forgotten tombs, wear a garland of ancient goblin bones to ward off fairy mischief, and enter into a drinking contest with the old gods of the wood.

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Life is what you make it. So make mistakes, make boozy milkshakes, make dreadful things with dark magic, and just get on with it.

What are you thinking about? 1. cat wizards 2. ghosts & cheese 3. castles on forgotten shores 4. sleeping for 1,000 years

Not all super powers are noble and strong. Some are downright weird. So harness your dark freaky weirdness and do some good if you can.

Things that clouds conceal besides silver linings: - mist wraiths - fog wizards - sky whales - blimp pirates - ghost ducks - swirling souls of those lost at sea

Your daily fortune: Don't bite off more than you can chew. Simply unhinge your jaw, swallow folks whole, and digest them at your leisure.

What are you thinking about? 1. cat wizards 2. ghosts & cheese 3. castles on forgotten shores 4. sleeping for 1,000 years

What’s the best holiday gift? 1. cloak of many pockets 2. basket of banned books 3. bejeweled dueling dagger 4. solid gold library card

You don't need to be great at everything. Specialize instead. Become known for writing erotic haiku about moon ghosts, or folding life-sized origami lions and animating them with dark magic.

Things to do this weekend besides shopping: - manage your mind goblins - nap for 1,000 years - investigate Pi until you get to the weird stuff - investigate pie - read a book out loud in the forest. it may seem like no creatures are listening, but they are, and they appreciate it

Do you ever feel like the best Christmas present would be sleep? Uninterrupted sleep, with no distractions, no responsibilities, just your atoms floating through the vast echo of time and space?

Your daily fortune: Prepare for anything, expect nothing, and disappoint everyone.

What’s the best holiday gift? 1. cloak of many pockets 2. basket of banned books 3. bejeweled dueling dagger 4. solid gold library card

What's the best holiday gift? 1. guardian owl of legend 2. dark crystal gin goblet 3. cardigan of knowledge 4. bones of your enemies

Things to look for in a Christmas tree: - tall & straight - fluffy branches - abundant tree gravy - at least 3 miniature owls - the haunted, lilting song of a trapped dryad - not a cactus

Keep your friends close, your enemies closer, and a pie closest of all, for when these other things disappoint you.

Things to celebrate this holiday season: - festive cheeses - time traveling ghosts - weird relatives - potatoes - weird relatives who like potatoes - your normal feeling of dark dread is now illuminated by twinkling lights

Most economists agree that by age 50, you should: - own at least one magic sword - get advice from an enchanted bear skull - be covered by a thin layer of moss & lichen - disappear into a malevolent fog once a month - become a creature of myth & legend in the old forest

Your daily fortune: Don't fight the tides. Flow with them, become a barnacle encrusted sea witch, and rule the briny shores forevermore.

As always, there's no time like the present to disappear into a mysterious fog and become a reason the old forest north of town is considered haunted.

What's the best holiday gift? 1. guardian owl of legend 2. dark crystal gin goblet 3. cardigan of knowledge 4. bones of your enemies