Edmonds Scanner
@edmondsscanner.bsky.social
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Be kind and stay weird. Contributor to:
@sorrowscopes.bsky.social
@riversidecasino.bsky.social
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My hope for you is that you always feel safe and warm, and that you will someday find yourself surrounded by wild Muppets in the heart of the forest, with plenty of wine & books and without a care in the world.
over 1 year ago
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A gentle reminder. If you hear the muffled thump of the Easter Bunny's mighty paws tonight and have neglected to leave out an offering of carrots and whiskey, its wrath will be terrible to behold.
about 5 hours ago
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Besides the Easter Bunny, who is your favorite fantastical animal? 1. Wine Drunk Wombat 2. Riot Badger 3. Schnapps Weasel 4. Turtle of Destruction
about 7 hours ago
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Edmonds Scanner
Travel is a good way to expand your mind. It's also a good way to find portals to other worlds hidden behind bookshelves, and collectible goblin bones in the old forest.
29 days ago
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What's your natural state? 1. bleary & drifting 2. exhausted & bewildered 3. caffeine addled confusion 4. fog shrouded wanderer
1 day ago
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In times of strife, it's good to remember that you're not alone. There are many other lost souls, wayward spirits, wandering shadows, and moss draped horrors out here shambling along as best we can. Take comfort in that.
about 14 hours ago
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Your daily affirmation: It's ok to feel out of place. It's ok to look like a long-lost Muppet. There are no limits to your weirdness in this world.
about 16 hours ago
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Sorrowscopes
2 days ago
Sagittarius: If life is a mystery, then your life is a mystery wrapped in a shabby sweater and disappointment.
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I hope you have a nice night. I hope your home is filled with books, tea, and cozy warmth. I hope the ancient witch-lights always guide you there, or even deeper into the faerie realm, whichever you prefer.
27 days ago
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What's your natural state? 1. bleary & drifting 2. exhausted & bewildered 3. caffeine addled confusion 4. fog shrouded wanderer
1 day ago
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Edmonds Scanner
What's your favorite color? 1. snowy mountaintop 2. forested hillside 3. wildflower field 4. sleepy cave bear
2 days ago
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Your daily affirmation: Every day is a brand new day, and a new chance to start writing a strange manifesto about ghost cats.
30 days ago
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If you're ever in the misty forest and spot a harried little mouse wearing armor and carrying a tiny sword, please leave them be. They have bigger & furrier problems to deal with, just like we all do.
1 day ago
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It's ok to not feel ok. It's ok if your antlers haven't grown in yet. It's ok if you can't shape-shift into a raven. It's ok if you haven't haunted the night for a while. I know you're doing your best, and that's all any of us can do right now.
29 days ago
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Your daily affirmation: Always be yourself. If the timid townsfolk recoil as you shamble down the street looking like the old forest has sprung to life, so be it.
1 day ago
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What's your favorite color? 1. snowy mountaintop 2. forested hillside 3. wildflower field 4. sleepy cave bear
2 days ago
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Edmonds Scanner
What's your favorite Moon fact? 1. The Moon grants wishes to weird children 2. The Moon is heavy metal to the core, just like your uncle 3. wolves howl at the Moon because there are no wolf astronauts yet 4. Moon ghosts are real, and very freaky
3 days ago
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You can be anything you want. Be a whisper in the dark. Be a mysterious shadow on the cobblestones. Be a set of glowing eyes in the forest. Be a haunter instead of the haunted.
2 days ago
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Edmonds Scanner
Don't fight the tides. Become a wrathful sea witch and harness the immense power of the deep dark sea and the ancient weird creatures lurking within.
30 days ago
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May your day be calm, safe, and free of trouble. And may you someday own a haunted teapot, which will keep your tea warm and offer some well meaning, though unsolicited advice from the spirit realms.
3 days ago
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Edmonds Scanner
Did you know? - certain trees get important nutrients from human bones - other trees collect souls and trap them in their ring labyrinths - most trees agree that squirrels are jerks - 3% of trees are named Dennis
about 1 month ago
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Your daily fortune: Slow down and don't sprint through life. Slink, slither, and shamble at your own pace.
3 days ago
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What's your favorite Moon fact? 1. The Moon grants wishes to weird children 2. The Moon is heavy metal to the core, just like your uncle 3. wolves howl at the Moon because there are no wolf astronauts yet 4. Moon ghosts are real, and very freaky
3 days ago
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The best time to plant a tree in your yard was ten years ago. The best time to build a wizard tower out of books was five years ago. The best time to learn to summon messenger owls carrying wine & snacks is right now.
3 days ago
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Edmonds Scanner
Your daily affirmation: I am strong. I am proud. And itβs ok if folks are afraid of my ability to turn men to stone.
about 1 month ago
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Reasons to have an emotional support bear: - no one will bother you on the bus - their claws make great can openers - they love to sleep and are very good at it - they can track burritos from many miles away - big bear cuddles
4 days ago
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You can be anything you want. Be a set of glowing eyes in the darkness. Be a terror in the deep. Be a cosmic horror slumbering in a star, worshipped by millions from afar.
about 1 month ago
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Travel is a good way to expand your mind. It's also a good way to find new burrito spots, or ancient tomes of old magic that will help you conjure burritos so spicy they would make the old gods blush.
4 days ago
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What's your favorite kind of flying creature? 1. the feathery kind 2. the leathery kind 3. the buzzing kind 4. snakes on a plane
4 days ago
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What's your favorite kind of flying creature? 1. the feathery kind 2. the leathery kind 3. the buzzing kind 4. snakes on a plane
4 days ago
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Edmonds Scanner
No matter how dark the night, the sun will find us again.
about 1 month ago
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Edmonds Scanner
Your daily affirmation: Color outside the lines. Dress like nobody's watching. There are no limits to your weirdness in this world.
about 1 month ago
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Don't hide your light from the world. Use it to draw lost travelers deeper into the forest and towards your cozy den made of twigs and wildflowers, where you can devour them at your leisure.
5 days ago
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Edmonds Scanner
Someday, the old witch will return and lift the curse placed upon you. Your human shell will crack open and a cloud of clattering ravens will emerge and disappear into the fog which covers the moors.
about 1 month ago
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Your daily fortune: It may not be a very sexy destiny to bring headbands back into fashion, but this is yours. Good luck.
5 days ago
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Edmonds Scanner
Which animal ability would you like to have? 1. prehensile tail 2. winter hibernation 3. grasping tentacles 4. echolocation for burritos
about 1 month ago
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I don't know about you, but I'd feel a lot better if we were allowed to disappear into a malevolent fog once in a while and become a dark creature of folklore and legend.
about 1 month ago
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Do you ever feel like the universe is speaking directly to you?
5 days ago
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If you can, strive to lead a life filled with curiosity, kindness, and wonder. Also, boozy milkshakes, cozy bookstores, and quiet walks through haunted forests are all pretty good too.
5 days ago
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What's your vibe? 1. wandering mushroom 2. disheveled sleepwalker 3. mysterious shadow 4. slightly sexy Muppet
6 days ago
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Edmonds Scanner
Your daily affirmation: Every day is a brand new day, and a new chance to build an unstable catapult that launches balls of swords.
about 1 month ago
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Most economists agree by the time you're 50, you should: - own one square mile of the moon - get advice from an enchanted elk skull - have your own engraved dueling daggers - spend one weekend per month floating through the forest as a bat-winged nightmare
6 days ago
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Do something nice for yourself every day. Enjoy a fancy coffee, take a little walk, or craft a den of twigs & wildflowers in the old forest, retreat inside, and sleep for 1,000 years in mossy peace.
about 1 month ago
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Your daily affirmation: You haven't yet met all the people in your life that you are going to disappoint. Take comfort in that.
6 days ago
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Edmonds Scanner
Don't let your past define you. Let your future deeds define you, and make sure they include moss draped antlers, a creepy unblinking gaze, and legends of how an ancient horror terrified townsfolk away from the ragged edge of the forest.
about 1 month ago
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What's your vibe? 1. wandering mushroom 2. disheveled sleepwalker 3. mysterious shadow 4. slightly sexy Muppet
6 days ago
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Edmonds Scanner
How do you move through the world? 1. cattywampus & collapsing 2. chaotic & confused 3. disheveled & drowsy 4. overburdened & underwhelmed
7 days ago
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The only AI we need in our lives is Antlers that are Invincible.
6 days ago
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Edmonds Scanner
Today's a good day to explore haunted castles. If you don't have castles in your area, try visiting some spirits at an abandoned mine, mossy misty forest, or shopping mall that is half closed and barely holding on. Ghosts get lonely too, just like we all do.
about 1 month ago
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Spring is a time for renewal & rebirth. Choose a new form and don't hold back. Grow your most elaborate antlers yet, or a frightening exoskeleton. Replace old forest folktales with new terrifying legends of mossy gloom and malevolent splendor.
7 days ago
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Edmonds Scanner
Some advice: Be kind. Collect books, not enemies. Leave the world a better place. Stay on the good side of the old gods and you will forever find peace in the mossy dark places of the world.
about 1 month ago
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