Our investors wonder why we spend so much money on werewolf prevention. The answer is simple: the urine stains

Our casino is visible from space even though it shouldn’t be.

A lot of people on Bluesky joking about writing checks with the wrong date. Try writing a bad check here and you get to meet our brand new 2026 power drill.

Happy New Year! What happened in the ball pit stays in the ball pit.

Happy New Year! And, yes, we are working on clearing up the smell from last night.

Time is running out to earn those 2025 gambling loss tax deductions!

Please be nice to Carol in reception. Her psychic mailed her a bullet-proof vest.

"...and the mice. Big as otters, and as vicious as weasels. One of them took a chunk out of my calf and 40 years later, I still get the shakes. But to answer your question: Budapest, lemon meringue, and Mahler's Symphony No. 7." Charles River, founder, River Side Casino

Spend your New Year’s Eve with us! No, we’re not having a party, we just don’t want to be left alone here in the dark with our thoughts.

Your regular reminder…

A lot of people say their New Year's resolution is to quit gambling which is why we're so glad that people never stick to their resolutions.

Tonight is your last night to see the festive lights and fun Pixar-themed Christmas inflatables in the employee graveyard.

The winner of our Christmas ham giveaway changed his mind, so come to the front desk if you want to carve off a couple of slices for lunch, or maybe just a snack.

We do not have any mistletoe here at the casino, but if you want to kiss someone under the weird fungal growth that covers our ceilings, have fun!

We would like to apologize. No idea for what, but people are always saying we should apologize for what we're doing.

Ooops. Merry Christmas.

Gary Reynolds, one of our second shift bartenders, owns the largest pig in three counties. If he offers to show you a picture, do not look at it, no matter how much money he offers you.

Yes, we do cash Christmas checks from your grandma.

During this magical season, let us take a moment to think about the River Side Casino staff present and past. They make your pleasure possible. Follow them. Read their posts. Laugh. Look at pictures of their pets. Have a sandwich. go.bsky.app/4yomz8H

Good news! The escaped Cirque du Soleil acrobats living in the woods performed their annual Christmas sacrifice last night, and it wasn't one of our top players.

If I won the lottery, I wonder how much money I'd spend on oboe lessons for my dogs.

If I have to be a dancing chicken, I'm going to be the best dancing chicken I can be.

a woman posted a pic in a group chat of a baby turkey she bought thinking it was a chicken. She captioned the pic "IS THIS A TURKEY?!?" Anyway, I haven't been here because I've been yelling IS THIS A TURKEY at everything. You should try it

christmas music is pretty good if you want to know about the lore

[sword swallowing class] me: (struggling to swallow sword) instructor: try turning it the long way

No one expects a Spanish Exhibition!

I sent you a bouquet of pudding cups, please respond

I always check the plane for snakes. Safety first.

Life is what you make it. So make mistakes, make boozy milkshakes, make dreadful things with dark magic, and just get on with it.

what’s the appropriate age to tell a screenplay that it’s adapted

Taking part in the "Offer One of Your Bosses Feedback On His Novel In-Progress Challenge."

Forget milk and cookies. If the immortal dark elf from the cold lands breaks into your house later tonight and doesn't find whiskey and raw meat left out, his wrath will be terrible to behold. You have been warned.

It's called "Goin' Boneless" and it's a craze sweeping the nation!

They say do what you love and you'll never work a day in your life. I love embezzlement.

wild how mimes just wake up every day and choose violence

her: do you remember the guy who kept getting fired as a salvation army santa me: doesn't ring a bell her: yeah, that's the guy

Losing a loved one during the holidays is tough. My dad died during Shrimpfest

If a bear attacks you, stay calm. Try to see the situation from their point of view

When you visit family for the holidays and tell them about Bluesky being so awesome, make sure you show them this post as proof

The feral cats will gladly handle any unwanted birds gifted to you during the twelve days of Christmas

The soup of the day is ennui, flavored with allspice and tears.

Does anyone have contact info for Bari Weiss? We'd love to chat with her about a 60 Minutes segment ("Bad Luck") set to air next month.

River Side Winterfest is scheduled for Jan. 31, as long as it's cold. Last year it was 52 and rainy and just the most depressing goddamn thing ever.

Santa is okay with whatever you do in a casino. Whatever. You. Do.

When the roulette ball is spinning around the wheel, that is when you are like Schrödinger's cat, both winning and losing

We employ many adjunct professors from nearby colleges. As they make ends meet by cleaning your ashtrays, they can also teach you fun facts about history or math or whatever field they hold a PhD.

No, we don’t know why our Christmas tree in the lobby is levitating, or why the janitors are chanting in forgotten languages. We respect all traditions here.

Receive $5 in Casino Cash with each donation to our gently used eyeglasses and dentures drive.

Our shrimp supplier just declared bankruptcy, which is like Pearl Harbor for a casino. We ask for your patience as we update our menu.

We all need to try to get along this holiday season, so if you encounter some feral hogs in the sauna, leave them be. And try not to make eye contact.