I bit my dentist today. Wasn't even getting a checkup at the time, I just saw him at the supermarket

SORRY THESE ARE LATE I WAS BUSY TRYING TO DISTRACT MYSELF FROM THE TERROR OF BEING ALIVE

Aries: You only get one chance at life and what a terrible mess you’re making of it.

Taurus: It’s great that you have a 5 year plan, but maybe 4 of the 5 years shouldn’t be, ‘Scream repeatedly into the void.’

Gemini: Take a vacation from your problems. Your assassin isn’t in a rush.

Cancer: Autumn is a wonderful reminder of how you will eventually wither and die.

Leo: You've been flirty and conversational lately but ultimately you're not interested in any earthly relationships. You've been flirting with death, and talking to the darkness that surrounds our finite existence.

Virgo: Two heads are better than one, and if you defrost your freezer you might even fit three.

Libra: Congrats on never settling for less than you deserve. Ask us how we know your partner isn't a Libra.

Scorpio: The secret to your happiness will remain a secret.

Sagittarius: Bad news: Ghost dinosaurs will finally find you at last. Good news: You won’t even notice, because you’ll be dealing with something much worse.

Capricorn: Embrace your curiosity this week! Someone is trying to poison you.

Aquarius: Does the phrase ‘ghost sauce’ make any sense to you? If not, it will very soon, unfortunately.

Pisces: Death is inevitable, but with enough glitter, you can at least make the inevitable fabulous.

The future is not written in stone, but the new SorrowScopes will give you a glimpse of the terrible possibilities. @sorrowscopes.bsky.social

the new sorrowscopes are here! get them before they get you!

SORRY THESE ARE LATE I WAS BUSY TRYING TO DISTRACT MYSELF FROM THE TERROR OF BEING ALIVE

Aries: You only get one chance at life and what a terrible mess you’re making of it.

Taurus: It’s great that you have a 5 year plan, but maybe 4 of the 5 years shouldn’t be, ‘Scream repeatedly into the void.’

Gemini: Take a vacation from your problems. Your assassin isn’t in a rush.

Cancer: Autumn is a wonderful reminder of how you will eventually wither and die.

Leo: You've been flirty and conversational lately but ultimately you're not interested in any earthly relationships. You've been flirting with death, and talking to the darkness that surrounds our finite existence.

Virgo: Two heads are better than one, and if you defrost your freezer you might even fit three.

Libra: Congrats on never settling for less than you deserve. Ask us how we know your partner isn't a Libra.

Scorpio: The secret to your happiness will remain a secret.

Sagittarius: Bad news: Ghost dinosaurs will finally find you at last. Good news: You won’t even notice, because you’ll be dealing with something much worse.

Capricorn: Embrace your curiosity this week! Someone is trying to poison you.

Aquarius: Does the phrase ‘ghost sauce’ make any sense to you? If not, it will very soon, unfortunately.

Pisces: Death is inevitable, but with enough glitter, you can at least make the inevitable fabulous.

Updated colors

Procreate Timelapse. #indiecomics #makecomics

Forever winter 6 cover!

Aries: The Virgos suspect nothing. We attack at midnight.

Taurus: The last thing you’ll see is Grimace’s face.

Gemini: Have you tried turning your life off and on again?

Cancer: Your dreams will come true this week! Unfortunately, all of your dreams are nightmares.

Leo: Your definition of friendship will change when you awaken in the gore pit.

Virgo: This is the week you finally find out how guillotine-proof your neck really is.

Libra: You’ll risk it all this week by actually leaving the house.

Scorpio: You will go to a good website soon. Not today, but soon.

Sagittarius: You will feel a more powerful sense of connection to the natural world than ever before, but be warned! Few are likely to see that as exculpatory information when they catch you pooping nude in their yard. So stealth remains vital.

Capricorn: We are all stardust but you also have an abnormally high lint content.

Aquarius: Become the horror, or the horror will be coming for you.

Pisces: You can be anything you want to be! And by anything, we mean a lonely street goblin at a Renaissance Faire.

is there an etsy shop where I can find protective gear?

THE NEW SORROWSCOPES ARE HERE! TELL YOUR FRIENDS. TELL YOUR ENEMIES. TELL BLUESKY ABOUT YOUR FAVORITE ASTROLOGERS

SORRY THESE ARE LATE I WAS BUSY IGNORING REALITY IN THE HOPE OF EXPERIENCING A BRIEF MOMENT OF HAPPINESS

Aries: The Virgos suspect nothing. We attack at midnight.

Taurus: The last thing you’ll see is Grimace’s face.