Sorrowscopes
@sorrowscopes.bsky.social
📤 24314
📥 112
📝 1522
Things are terrible (we follow our contributors)
pinned post!
A lot of very funny and talented people have written for Sorrowscopes over the years- here they are!
bsky.app/starter-pack...
add a skeleton here at some point
about 1 year ago
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Sorrowscopes
Mary Gillis
over 1 year ago
I've got a good feeling about this bank of mysterious fog moving against the wind to blanket our isolated small town.
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Greeneville Zoo
about 23 hours ago
Note from HR: Our lion tamer reports increased job satisfaction since we eliminated the lion agitator position from payroll.
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Lostcatdog
over 1 year ago
I hate it when I uncover an ancient artifact that grants me extraordinary powers only to discover that I am now a pawn in an eternal cosmic battle between the forces of light and darkness
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Viktor Winetrout
about 22 hours ago
Your honor my client loves crime
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🏳️⚧️ Tár-Tár Binks
over 1 year ago
{holds finger to earpiece} I’m being told that the divine epiphanies I’ve been having are in fact just basic pattern recognition
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Jerry
about 2 years ago
Is it too pretentious to quote Kierkegaard in a death threat to your mechanic?
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Sorrowscopes
CHECK OUT OUR SPECIAL NEW YEAR'S EDITION OF SORROWSCOPES! TELL YOU FRIENDS. TELL YOUR ENEMIES. TELL THE MONSTER INSIDE YOU THAT WILL NEVER BE SLAIN
3 days ago
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Aries: Live, laugh, lower your expectations.
3 days ago
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Taurus: You will live like a king this year. Isolated, paranoid, never sure if anyone’s affections are genuine.
3 days ago
12
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Gemini: It’s a new year full of human interactions to avoid.
3 days ago
10
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Sorrowscopes
Cancer: New year. New you? Let’s hope so.
3 days ago
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Leo: You will enjoy a brush with fame this week when you meet your cousin's new boyfriend, whose band "almost opened for Candlebox" in 1993.
3 days ago
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Virgo: New year, new you. There is literally a new version of you out there hunting you down. Good luck!
3 days ago
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Libra: You will finally get everything you deserve this year, which is great news for your enemies.
3 days ago
3
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Sorrowscopes
Scorpio: That pattern you've been noticing is real and it's the key to understanding everything. Of course you'll need to gather a lot more data, so it's imperative that you neglect all relationships and responsibilities. You must focus on the pattern.
3 days ago
5
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Sorrowscopes
Sagittarius: People will be much less impressed when they find out your story about beating the devil at the crossroads involves you playing Super Mario Brothers 3.
3 days ago
5
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Capricorn: Your desire to travel may be awakened by a pack of pale wolves that surround your apartment complex. Now’s the time to finally check if that door in the laundry room connects to the old mineshaft. Hurry!!
3 days ago
0
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Sorrowscopes
Aquarius: It's time to put all the disappointments and misery of 2025 behind you and look forward to 2026, which will have lots of new disappointments and misery in store for you.
3 days ago
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230
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Sorrowscopes
Pisces: Against impossible odds, this year looks even worse for you.
3 days ago
10
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109
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Sorrowscopes
Edmonds Scanner
about 1 year ago
The future is not written in stone, but the new SorrowScopes will give you a glimpse of the terrible possibilities.
@sorrowscopes.bsky.social
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CHECK OUT OUR SPECIAL NEW YEAR'S EDITION OF SORROWSCOPES! TELL YOU FRIENDS. TELL YOUR ENEMIES. TELL THE MONSTER INSIDE YOU THAT WILL NEVER BE SLAIN
3 days ago
1
220
46
Aries: Live, laugh, lower your expectations.
3 days ago
10
309
117
Taurus: You will live like a king this year. Isolated, paranoid, never sure if anyone’s affections are genuine.
3 days ago
12
534
187
Gemini: It’s a new year full of human interactions to avoid.
3 days ago
10
288
116
Cancer: New year. New you? Let’s hope so.
3 days ago
6
207
86
Leo: You will enjoy a brush with fame this week when you meet your cousin's new boyfriend, whose band "almost opened for Candlebox" in 1993.
3 days ago
0
150
37
Virgo: New year, new you. There is literally a new version of you out there hunting you down. Good luck!
3 days ago
8
235
101
Libra: You will finally get everything you deserve this year, which is great news for your enemies.
3 days ago
3
219
80
Scorpio: That pattern you've been noticing is real and it's the key to understanding everything. Of course you'll need to gather a lot more data, so it's imperative that you neglect all relationships and responsibilities. You must focus on the pattern.
3 days ago
5
277
90
Sagittarius: People will be much less impressed when they find out your story about beating the devil at the crossroads involves you playing Super Mario Brothers 3.
3 days ago
5
208
76
Capricorn: Your desire to travel may be awakened by a pack of pale wolves that surround your apartment complex. Now’s the time to finally check if that door in the laundry room connects to the old mineshaft. Hurry!!
3 days ago
0
171
49
Aquarius: It's time to put all the disappointments and misery of 2025 behind you and look forward to 2026, which will have lots of new disappointments and misery in store for you.
3 days ago
0
230
92
Pisces: Against impossible odds, this year looks even worse for you.
3 days ago
10
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109
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Sorrowscopes
Ryan Mac 🙃
6 days ago
For the last few days on X, people (mainly women, and sometimes children) have had nonconsensual images of them in swimsuits (or much worse) requested by users and created by Grok. Musk's only apparent response thus far has been to crack jokes about it.
add a skeleton here at some point
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Sorrowscopes
It's Abby. Yep.
14 days ago
Hello! My old friend's wife got very sick while visiting family & is stuck in the hospital far from home. Medical bills are piling up & they need help, if you can spare any $$. Thank you!!
gofund.me/ecff4726f
loading . . .
Donate to Help Support Joan’s Long Road to Recovery, organized by Kim Boyd Bermingham
Help Support Joan’s Long Road to Recovery Our dear friend Joan ha… Kim Boyd Bermingham needs your support for Help Support Joan’s Long Road to Recovery
https://gofund.me/ecff4726f
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Tom Coombe
about 1 month ago
Thank you to everyone who has picked up a copy of my first short story collection. Your interest is much appreciated, a rare bright spot in a grim year.
loading . . .
The Clown King and Other Stories of the Pre-Apocalypse|Paperback
Something's coming...A teenage horror fan searches for the origins of a too-real, homemade slasher film. Two siblings inherit a statue that draws worshippers from around the world. A struggling restau...
https://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/the-clown-king-and-other-stories-of-the-pre-apocalypse-tom-coombe/1147631294?ean=9798349421655
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Aries: The talking doll has some career advice.
about 1 month ago
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Taurus: Live fast, die young, and leave a deeply confusing browser history.
about 1 month ago
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Gemini: This is a great week to start a creative project. Try making something new like a blanket or a friend.
about 1 month ago
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Cancer: A mixed bag for you this week when you posthumously win the office death pool.
about 1 month ago
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Leo: Your family's love for you is like a rainbow: an ephemeral trick of the light.
about 1 month ago
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Virgo: You’re living the dream! The one where everything sucks.
about 1 month ago
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Libra: Libra is on a holiday break, so please enjoy this Classic Sorrowscope from 1637: The Widow Jeffords is a witch! Take heed!!!
about 1 month ago
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Scorpio: You will have a wonderful realization and then a few really bad ones and then another pretty good one, but not so good it gets you outta the red. Still, one of your best weeks yet.
about 1 month ago
2
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Sagittarius: This is a good week for self care. And maybe some clean clothes, mouthwash, and a new personality.
about 1 month ago
2
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Capricorn: On the plus side, your death will prove that at least one cryptid is real.
about 1 month ago
3
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