this is your mission. our pedophile president needs you to jump out of a helicopter to kidnap a head of state and his wife so some oil ceos can make a lot of money. we’ll be watching from a resort in florida that still serves wedge salad and checking how many retweets we get. good luck soldier

If the feral cats are chanting in Latin, notify security immediately.

im not gonna tell my reps that i think bombing sovereign countries is bad they should be telling us they think that to try and keep us from throwing them into raw sewage

We had a good run

living in this country is like being awake on the table

Why don't you leftists understand that DEMOCRATS CANNOT DO ANYTHING. THEY HAVE NO POWER. EVEN WHEN THEY ARE IN POWER. The only thing that can ever happen is that you personally some fucking guy has to vote in a couple years for the people who, again HAVE NO POWER.

You should be embarrassed to be a member of congress and issuing anything other than impeachment resolutions. You're in the model UN. They should give you legos and a propeller hat

one problem with learning is it will make you so angry at how stupid everything is

Being an American feels like getting on a school bus and then your bus driver decides to do a drive by

People are going to try and lure you into debates about whether Maduro was a good guy or not and the thing is, it doesn’t matter for the purposes of discussing whether violent kidnappings and extrajudicial murders by the US government are ok. No, they aren’t! End of convo.

Marco Rubio is reportedly saying Maduro will stand trial in US courts. Which means it’s now the US administration’s position that US courts can hold foreign presidents, but not the US president, accountable for crimes.

(a bell rings, reminding me of previous times i have eaten) these memories are so good... might as well salivate. it's my choice.

My new collection of short stories and poetry -- We Had It Coming -- is available for pre-order now! It's the best thing I've ever written and I think you all will find solace and despair in equal measure within. www.welcometohellworld.com/my-new-book-...

For the last few days on X, people (mainly women, and sometimes children) have had nonconsensual images of them in swimsuits (or much worse) requested by users and created by Grok. Musk's only apparent response thus far has been to crack jokes about it.

i will grow old & grey & beautiful & frail. i am going to outlive the bigots who demand my corpse. i will have grandkids who call me grandma & spend holidays on a wraparound porch drinking margaritas with my sisters & our chosen families. fight for our future, not martyrdom. no free bodies.

Just making sure that 2025 is definitely over

hello I wrote a poem. It's called Indiana Jones Learns About The Holocaust. You can read it here, no patreon membership required: www.patreon.com/posts/poem-i... Ok, well have a good day.

Hello! My old friend's wife got very sick while visiting family & is stuck in the hospital far from home. Medical bills are piling up & they need help, if you can spare any $$. Thank you!! gofund.me/ecff4726f

We are parents of a trans kid and our family takes this very, very personally. If you intentionally make life harder for our beloved daughter, it’s EXTREMELY hard to think of you as an ally, to say the least. @amyklobuchar.com - you still send us requests for money, while hurting our kid. Disgusted.

Thank you to everyone who has picked up a copy of my first short story collection. Your interest is much appreciated, a rare bright spot in a grim year.

i am at 5% which is truly amazing, ty all. if i can raise just a couple hundred more i can get my software and camera rig and start putting out a reel!! i have a solid idea im working on, but cant reveal much at this point. no ai will be used ever, this will be a cannoli original.

I don't do anywhere near enough self-promotion here.

My husband & I watch A LOT of horror movies. Imagine a high number of horror movies & it's even more than that. So, we decided to create a site to showcase his reviews & my random thoughts. But the question was- when was the right time to talk about horror? Well, Fright About Now. frightaboutnow.com

if you don't follow Sorrowscopes misfortune will befall you and if you do follow Sorrowscopes misfortune will still befall you... what i'm saying is, what have you got to lose?

THE NEW SORROWSCOPES ARE HERE! TELL YOUR FRIENDS. TELL YOUR ENEMIES. TELL THE FBI’S BEHAVIORAL SCIENCE UNIT WHO ARE SLOWLY BUILDING A CASE AGAINST YOU

Aries: The talking doll has some career advice.

Taurus: Live fast, die young, and leave a deeply confusing browser history.

Gemini: This is a great week to start a creative project. Try making something new like a blanket or a friend.

Cancer: A mixed bag for you this week when you posthumously win the office death pool.

Leo: Your family's love for you is like a rainbow: an ephemeral trick of the light.

Virgo: You’re living the dream! The one where everything sucks.

Libra: Libra is on a holiday break, so please enjoy this Classic Sorrowscope from 1637: The Widow Jeffords is a witch! Take heed!!!

Scorpio: You will have a wonderful realization and then a few really bad ones and then another pretty good one, but not so good it gets you outta the red. Still, one of your best weeks yet.

Sagittarius: This is a good week for self care. And maybe some clean clothes, mouthwash, and a new personality.

Capricorn: On the plus side, your death will prove that at least one cryptid is real.

Aquarius: An unexpected encounter may spring forth a deep well of hidden emotions, as well as a deep well of black gold, Texas tea, that’s right—a geyser of oil! Hoooooooeeeee!! Unfortunately this will cause the government to murder you.

Pisces: Your extensive Super Mario experience may finally come in handy as you encounter a hammer-throwing turtle.

Aries: The talking doll has some career advice.

Taurus: Live fast, die young, and leave a deeply confusing browser history.

Gemini: This is a great week to start a creative project. Try making something new like a blanket or a friend.

Cancer: A mixed bag for you this week when you posthumously win the office death pool.

Leo: Your family's love for you is like a rainbow: an ephemeral trick of the light.

Virgo: You’re living the dream! The one where everything sucks.

Libra: Libra is on a holiday break, so please enjoy this Classic Sorrowscope from 1637: The Widow Jeffords is a witch! Take heed!!!

Scorpio: You will have a wonderful realization and then a few really bad ones and then another pretty good one, but not so good it gets you outta the red. Still, one of your best weeks yet.

Sagittarius: This is a good week for self care. And maybe some clean clothes, mouthwash, and a new personality.