Our animal behaviorists recently discovered that humans and giraffes share four really, really offensive swear words.

Wanna see nature in action? Come see what termites did to the ape enclosure safety barrier.

We thought the gorilla we rescued from the Honduran cartel was using his hands to say hello but it was gang signs.

You know that album "Taking Tiger Mountain (By Strategy)"? Our tigers don't. Stop trying to get them into Brian Eno, nerds.

We'll miss being the only zoo in the district whose general manager doesn't wear an ankle monitor.

Owl vs pig. Donkey vs. kangaroo. Bear vs tiger. Alliances have been formed... and it's back to the drawing board for our Hundred Acre Wood children's attraction.

Now Hiring: Penguin Tap Dance Instructor.

Don't forget to wish the seahorse dads a happy Mother's Day.

You asked and we listened. Stop by our gift shop for a pack of scratch 'n sniff stickers and take the smell of the zoo home with you!

Please stop booing the zebras. They are not referees. They are zebras.

A nearby fruit stand was decimated. Our wallaby escaped. These events are not related* *If you see a loose wallaby please call us

To commemorate Star Wars Day, our cheetah just did the Kessel Run in 11 parsecs. We have no idea where she is now.

🎵 Birds do it, bees do it Even some zoo employees do it Let's do it Let's wash our hands after using the restroom 🎶

The chimp enclosure is temporarily closed due to what scientists are calling “spontaneous evolution.”

Breaking news: puffins aren’t real.

To: All Staff Subject: Messaging Whoever hung this poster in the intern lunchroom, it isn't inspirational, it doesn't help our liability insurance, and it's still too soon. "𝙒𝙝𝙖𝙩 𝙙𝙤𝙚𝙨 𝙣𝙤𝙩 𝙠𝙞𝙡𝙡 𝙮𝙤𝙪 𝙢𝙖𝙠𝙚𝙨 𝙮𝙤𝙪 𝙨𝙩𝙧𝙤𝙣𝙜𝙚𝙧." — 𝙁𝙧𝙞𝙚𝙙𝙧𝙞𝙘𝙝 𝙉𝙞𝙚𝙩𝙯𝙨𝙘𝙝𝙚

A car backfired in the parking lot and our head of security hid behind a pregnant pig! Not gonna live this one down!

The birds have just delivered a beak-scrawled note: you don’t watch us, we watch you.

Even though Earth Day only comes once a year, Earth is on display here at Greenville Zoo every day and can be observed by looking down

Due to rising costs, Aardvark will be spelled with one A going forward.

Yes, it's 4/20 but the sloths act like that every day

We apologize for reporting the jungle walk is open again, it's closed. No wait, it's open again.

Time is an illusion. Lunchtime doubly so. The cafeteria is closing early today.

It's all happening at the zoo (pooping)

Bird rehab is for our injured birds. The bird sanctuary is for our birds who've gone crazy. It's not easy dealing with the public.

The "exotic" fish were trout dipped in vegetable dye to look like rainbow sharks

What is hell? Some maintain that it's the suffering of being unable to love. We think it's cleaning the elephant barn.

We missed International Beaver Day. Dam it!

Why do birds suddenly appear Every time you are near? Could it be you set them free At the zoo?

Gus exited his cave this morning and we accidentally started a new religion.

It may work for our chameleons, but we don’t recommend using camouflage to hide from your problems.

Of all the harmful things visitors feed our goats, it's the lies that hurt the most.

The day the power of love overrules the love of power, the world will know peace. Until then, come and feed the ducks.

We named our manatee "MC Hammer" because you can't touch him.

The price good people pay for indifference is to be ruled by evil people. The price you pay in our gift shop on Wednesdays is half off.

We just got the all-clear from security. Mandy Patinkin was escorted off the property before he could start singing to the echidnas.

Our bears just woke up from hibernation and boy are they grizzly!

We were so excited to have Kevin Costner visit that we didn’t properly think through our Dances With Wolves interactive exhibit.

Please be aware that the fire salamanders have escaped their enclosure and have a penchant for arson.

Greeneville Zoo proudly announces our Spring Show Series featuring: -So, You Skink You Can Dance? -America’s Got Talons -Who Wants to Be a Chameleonaire? -Win Ben Stein’s Monkey -Gorilla Housewives of Greeneville

Our chameleons can change color, but they choose to live an authentic life.

We get our news the old-fashioned way: from toucans on a string

To: All Staff Subject: "If you're cold, they're cold" Consider letting the interns eat lunch inside.

We talk most when we cease to be at peace with our thoughts. Visit the Greeneville Aviary. Our macaws are full of angst.

Contentment is natural wealth, luxury is artificial poverty, but unfortunately we still need to raise our ticket prices.

Due to the overwhelming popularity of our animal birth announcements, we’ll be celebrating other important animal milestones, like animal graduation and animal divorce.

Not only are chimpanzees capable of tool making, they also enjoy Tool listening.

It's duck season 𝘢𝘯𝘥 wabbit season at the Greeneville Grinder Sandwich Shack!

Will the owner of the white double parked ice cream truck please report to the parking lot. I want a Bomb Pop.

Many people said it would be reckless and dangerous to build a Disney like Jungle Cruise but with real animals. Those people were right.