Swans mate for life. That's why they form these "V's" for vendetta.

No, we don't require age verification to view our blue-footed boobies. Also, grow up.

Please don't eat peanuts in front of the elephants. You're appropriating their culture.

Our very first Bring Your Pet to the Zoo Day will also be our very last Bring Your Pet to the Zoo Day. We don’t know what we were thinking.

DID YOU KNOW? Elephants are closely related to manatees. They don’t visit but they do Zoom calls on the major holidays.

Weird Octopus Fact: A specialized detachable arm is used by males to transfer sperm, and sometimes they throw this arm at a female. This is considered desperate cuck behavior and won't be tolerated at Greeneville Zoo.

Don’t think of throwing your hot dog at the pigeons as feeding them. Think of it as self-defense.

Stop protesting–we don’t feed Froot Loops™ to the toucans. They just have a lucrative contract.

What about your cheetah who got into bulk catnip and ran into a wall because it was being chased by a leaf?

We don't have fainting goats. We have dramatic goats.

Our eagle hatchling accidentally imprinted on intern Gavin, and now sits smoking cigarettes in her nest complaining about management all day.

To: All Staff Subject: Weather Update We'll never exploit a groundhog. We use The Weather Channel. Also, the Panda Riding a Unicycle show is postponed due to snow.

We have returned the Lorax to the Dr. Seuss estate. He was a massive bummer.

Head of Animal Husbandry applicants: Please look up what “Animal Husbandry” means before submitting your resume. We're begging you.

Greeneville Zoo is looking for a new General Manager. Applicants should have a degree in Monkey Business with experience in Monkey Marketing.

Celebrate Penguin Awareness Day and get 50% off a sardine smoothie.

To: All Staff Subject: Serpentarium Enclosure We've recovered all the venomous snakes. And speaking of things that never should have been released, has anyone seen the Melania movie?

DID YOU KNOW? Komodo dragons love to sit in boxes, just like your cat! Both are biding their time for a chance to eat you.

ZOO ADVISORY: David Attenborough is loose in the zoo, narrating exhibits at random. Please enjoy his soothing voice as we work to get him back into his enclosure.

Of course, ostriches don't really bury their heads in the sand. That's our OSHA officer

Greeneville Zoo has a new bear! Well, an old bear. The one who was living in a basement. He's moving back in with his mom.

Now hiring: primatologist. Must speak gorilla.

Sorry we raised our admission prices to help defray the cost of heating animal habitats during winter. And that we won't lower the prices again at any time

Just to clarify: Derrick is not an eagle. He’s a vulture with male pattern baldness.

We listened to your feedback and now require all naked mole rats to wear pants, flannelette shirts and mining helmets.

Yes, we’re calling our Frequently Asked Questions about crows Murder Mysteries. Everyone who complained about it is wrong.

The Greeneville Carousel is closed for renovations since we discovered replacing carousel animals with carousel people was bad.

We’ve examined our bongo’s new baby, and are delighted to announce it’s a djembe.

Goose Gazebo construction is complete thanks to the generosity of Greeneville Plastic Surgery Associates. Come see our new honkers!

The cheetah is the fastest animal on land until you ask it to unload the dishwasher.

If you see a man walking around in a shark costume, that’s Keith. He’s microdosing.

Interesting Fact: Greeneville Zoo's breeding success is over 80%, except for our blobfish which have completely given up.

If it's any consolation, we're 90% sure monkeys don't understand the underlying meaning behind an extended middle finger.

The zoo closes at 5 pm. After hours, call our main number and an intern will perform their repertoire of animal impressions.

Please congratulate our chimp Bonzo. He recently completed our anger management program.

Want more Greeneville Zoo in your life? Sign up for motivational messages, sent daily to your email from our 100 chimps with keyboards!

Visitor Mailbag: @allhailjerry.myatproto.social I thought hyenas laugh. Why don't ur hyenas laugh? @greenevillezoo.bsky.social: They do laugh. It's your delivery Jerry. @woodyluvscoffee.bsky.social How far can a wolf smell? @greenevillezoo.bsky.social Usually 2 miles but in ur case...3 miles.

Cut out the legal threats. There’s no proof that “The Great Chuck” hypnotized anyone into believing they were visiting a much better zoo.

Really insensitive. Many animals don't even have moms, like most reptiles, fish, butterflies, and moths. You should know this. You should also know your mom was here visiting the ducks and the ducks were throwing bread at her.

...says the zoo that was caught passing off a chonky spotted house cat as an exotic miniature snow leopard..

Happy birthday to us! Greeneville Zoo began 93 years ago today, after our founder Gavin's fourth failed attempt to chase a badger out of his dining room.

Donkeys can run just minutes after being born. Sorry we lost track of them all.

The boas are back in town.

Please stop painting realistic pictures of tunnels. The coyotes are getting hurt.

Note from HR: Our lion tamer reports increased job satisfaction since we eliminated the lion agitator position from payroll.

We got one monkey to cover its eyes and another to cover its ears, but we can't find one to cover its mouth cuz most monkeys are Narcs.

You may notice that we didn't email you about an end-of-year donation. That's because we lost our tax-exempt status due to the animals engaging in pyramid schemes.

Don’t miss this month’s "Art at the Zoo!" when we’ll upgrade another horse into our zebra herd.

The kangaroo exhibit is temporarily closed for maintenance because Gavin got stuck in a pouch again.

Our animal psychologist recently admitted he’s just making stuff up.