At 2 pm, meet our science communicators in the main amphitheatre! Clyde and Mariam will answer your nature and ecology questions, from "Can we eat Bigfoot?" to "May we eat Bigfoot?”

Until our chimpanzees stop eating bananas that way, their HBO subscription has been cut off.

We will be relaunching our wildly popular “Feed A Giraffe” program! We will be discontinuing our wildly unpopular “Clean Up After A Giraffe” program.

Technically we don’t have a Capybara. We had to move Barbara from finance into an enclosure because she bit Gavin again.

Coming soon to our bear enclosure: a bear!

Please stop making documentaries about being catfished by our hyrax.

Welp, our giraffes like meat now.

If it’s been a while since you visited the Zoo, it’s time to come back and marvel at The Wonderful World of Worms.

Sloths move slowly due to a plant based, low calorie diet. It's simple metabolic adaptation. Their handler moves slowly due to a high calorie, hamburger based diet. They are not the same.

None of our raccoons are named Bandit. Please stop using this harmful stereotype. They didn't ask to be born with eye masks. And they certainly don't live a life of crime, except for Ronnie, who was framed.

Gnu News: the Zoo has two new gnus!

Rumors that our tapir is "just a hog in Groucho Marx glasses" are mostly unfounded

Our chimp Bonzo has entered the Witness Protection Program. Long story.

Do not accept demo tapes from the red pandas unless you're a record label executive with a fondness for Norwegian death metal.

Bring us your used motor oil this weekend to receive free admission and help us top up the Tar Pit.

Tired: Swan Boats in the Tunnel of Love Inspired: Mole-rat Bumper Cars in the Burrow of Passion

Happy retirement to our Galapagos tortoise Robert. He is using his savings to buy a farm in Nebraska and will spend his remaining 23000 days trolling the libs on social media.

Interesting Animal Fact: - Sea Otters are monotheistic. They hold hands when they sleep in order to summon The Great Otter who rewards their faith with limitless urchins and mollusks.¹ ¹ ⁿᵉᵉᵈˢ ᶜ¹ᵗᵃᵗ¹ᵒⁿ

There’s nothing wrong with Graham the Giraffe’s legs. He’s just afraid of heights.

Our animal behaviorists recently discovered that humans and giraffes share four really, really offensive swear words.

Wanna see nature in action? Come see what termites did to the ape enclosure safety barrier.

We thought the gorilla we rescued from the Honduran cartel was using his hands to say hello but it was gang signs.

You know that album "Taking Tiger Mountain (By Strategy)"? Our tigers don't. Stop trying to get them into Brian Eno, nerds.

We'll miss being the only zoo in the district whose general manager doesn't wear an ankle monitor.

Owl vs pig. Donkey vs. kangaroo. Bear vs tiger. Alliances have been formed... and it's back to the drawing board for our Hundred Acre Wood children's attraction.

Now Hiring: Penguin Tap Dance Instructor.

Don't forget to wish the seahorse dads a happy Mother's Day.

You asked and we listened. Stop by our gift shop for a pack of scratch 'n sniff stickers and take the smell of the zoo home with you!

Please stop booing the zebras. They are not referees. They are zebras.

A nearby fruit stand was decimated. Our wallaby escaped. These events are not related* *If you see a loose wallaby please call us

To commemorate Star Wars Day, our cheetah just did the Kessel Run in 11 parsecs. We have no idea where she is now.

🎵 Birds do it, bees do it Even some zoo employees do it Let's do it Let's wash our hands after using the restroom 🎶

The chimp enclosure is temporarily closed due to what scientists are calling “spontaneous evolution.”

Breaking news: puffins aren’t real.

To: All Staff Subject: Messaging Whoever hung this poster in the intern lunchroom, it isn't inspirational, it doesn't help our liability insurance, and it's still too soon. "𝙒𝙝𝙖𝙩 𝙙𝙤𝙚𝙨 𝙣𝙤𝙩 𝙠𝙞𝙡𝙡 𝙮𝙤𝙪 𝙢𝙖𝙠𝙚𝙨 𝙮𝙤𝙪 𝙨𝙩𝙧𝙤𝙣𝙜𝙚𝙧." — 𝙁𝙧𝙞𝙚𝙙𝙧𝙞𝙘𝙝 𝙉𝙞𝙚𝙩𝙯𝙨𝙘𝙝𝙚

A car backfired in the parking lot and our head of security hid behind a pregnant pig! Not gonna live this one down!

The birds have just delivered a beak-scrawled note: you don’t watch us, we watch you.

Even though Earth Day only comes once a year, Earth is on display here at Greenville Zoo every day and can be observed by looking down

Due to rising costs, Aardvark will be spelled with one A going forward.

Yes, it's 4/20 but the sloths act like that every day

We apologize for reporting the jungle walk is open again, it's closed. No wait, it's open again.

Time is an illusion. Lunchtime doubly so. The cafeteria is closing early today.

It's all happening at the zoo (pooping)

Bird rehab is for our injured birds. The bird sanctuary is for our birds who've gone crazy. It's not easy dealing with the public.

The "exotic" fish were trout dipped in vegetable dye to look like rainbow sharks

What is hell? Some maintain that it's the suffering of being unable to love. We think it's cleaning the elephant barn.

We missed International Beaver Day. Dam it!

Why do birds suddenly appear Every time you are near? Could it be you set them free At the zoo?

Gus exited his cave this morning and we accidentally started a new religion.

It may work for our chameleons, but we don’t recommend using camouflage to hide from your problems.