*momentarily spirals back into control*

🎶 THIS IS HOW WE DO IT 🎶 *dies*

I'm getting kind of tired of people referring to the average voter as "dumb" and "uninformed," that's just the general populace at large.

An unique thing about me is that listening to music makes me feel emotions.

The struggle is real, but Wu-Tang is forever.

Here is my review of existence: I get the appeal, but it's not for me.

They have been carefully biding their time, just waiting to strike. It’s like you won the lottery 🙌🏻

An account that's been on here for over two years and has NEVER posted or responded to anyone left this reply under one of my posts and I don't know if I should feel flattered or insulted.

I like the picture of the pizza you posted. Now order me one so I won’t feel left out.

*takes a long drag off a cigarette* Maybe we should just leave all the data where it is.

I'm gonna be honest with you, I think knowing how to weave a basket underwater would be pretty darn cool.

I miss when the Internet was just websites that were under construction with flaming skull gifs and like flash videos of a guy screaming at video games and stuff like that.

You guys don't seriously have all this shit on your phones do you?

You know what they say about regime change, "third time's a charm."

1) everyone loses their jobs 2) ????? 3) cyber-utopia

Rachael Ray's been quiet...too quiet.

"it's never 'I love you' with you, it's always 'I have a knife'"

A weird thing I do is if I no longer enjoy a TV show, I just stop watching it. I guess I'm built different.

Every day it blows my mind that people hanging out at the Nazi bar (Twitter) want to complain about how toxic, gross and racist it is. That's by design and on purpose?!?! Why are you there?

Just going by the averages, you're better off not believing in anything.

Have you considered my uninformed opinion is correct and that science and conventional wisdom are wrong?

I don't know, those female water ghosts just sort of do it for me.

Let’s get mauled by puppies.

pushing the notification bell icon trying to get it to ring

Things were going poorly, but I was confident I could make it worse.

Yup, still dumb as hell.

People be like "let's go outside."

Love a good beverage.

I like not making sense.

My toxic trait is that I tend to give everyone the benefit of the doubt even when they don’t deserve it

Everything looks perfect from far away

Turns out being insufferable is easy.

Starting to doubt words mean things.

Apparently my hobby is now sleeping.

I have dated myself, but not to worry, I will simply surf the world wide web.

I've run the numbers and if my calculations are correct I've got about 157 more jokes in me before I disappear into the ether

I need time zones on people's profiles so I can lurk their timeline when they're awake not when they're sleeping bc that would be creepy

At an age where I'll unlock my phone and immediately forget why

I try to enjoy myself on the information superhighway.

Pan sexual? Buddy, as long as you wash them afterwards...

For the record, I've thought about ALL the different ways I might die: Coronary Cancer Car accident Chihuahua Zombies Old age Zombie chihuahuas Being too handsome A semi hauling lumber Banana peel Clown in the shower Posting too hard Don't ever let my obituary read "passed away unexpectedly."

Cop: Can you describe the suspect? Me: I'll never forget her, she was wearing daisy dukes with a bikini on top. Cop: What crime did you say she committed? Me: She melted my popsicle. Cop: Jesus Christ, is this a Katy Perry joke?

Long dog is surprised by your bullshit

Watching The Wild World of Bat Woman and really wanting to start a cult based around sexy Halloween costumes.

Rotisserie chicken flavored beer, do I have to think of everything?

Creature? Yes. Social? Not so much.