I miss the days when, if I did a Google voice search for "How old is Nicole Kidman?", I just got a fucking answer to my question, not a monologue detailing every goddamn fact about her.

i’m reading a novel and just came across the delightful phrasing, “wanton individuality” it was used as a term of endearment and i shall now strive to live my life such that someone might express such an opinion about me

this is one of the most painful silences I've ever seen bahahaha

Technically for a reaction to be "subtle" it may only involve a twinkle of the eye or a jumping up and down of the nose or even a slight townsfolk and pitchforks in lips of the mouth. You used the rhetorical emoji

they got this figure in the classic "yoda crouching down and talking on the phone" pose he was always doing in the movies

It's a long weekend. Playtime

Happy Miss Congeniality Day to all who celebrate!

Happy birthday to all who celebrate.

Note that there's been no threat to sue over this statement. I know I would be suing for tens of millions if I was innocent.

Meal portions served to sailors on the USS Abraham Lincoln according to Newsweek.

This day in history. 1808. Battle of Trangen. The Swedes surrounded and forced the surrender of the Norwegians or maybe it was the other way around I can't tell the difference can you tell the difference?

Waking up alive is so bourgeois .

As a lifelong vegetarian, I won’t actually be able to eat the rich, but that doesn’t mean I want to be excluded from the hunting

I saw this yesterday. I love when words have multiple meanings.

I stared at this picture for an hour, trying to write a caption that was worthy of this masterpiece of photographic art. In the end, I realized that there was absolutely nothing I could add to the perfection captured in this image. Enjoy it. Immerse yourself in it. EXPERIENCE IT.

Happy Caturday! This is my cat Panda. That is not a collar I bought my cat Panda. My cat Panda has a double life.

I want to curl up and nap in a giant basket of laundry like my cats do

How about Breaking Good? Make a show about that, you cowards. A guy who turns good. You won't.

Not now ma, I'm being friendly on the internet

“You are so chill” Thanks, I’m high

who wants to come over we’re gonna drop acid and make art

fam, i honked

What's the permit limit on big-game hunters?

Ending every business email now with "AND FUCK YOU IF YOU WILL NOT DO THIS."

pivoting to "Mike Vrabel and Dianna Russini have something beautiful and everyone else is simply jealous"

my only comment about vrabel and russini is that people continue to be way too horny at work (sighs in human resources)

“The results are quite disturbing.”

I’m not in Texas Politics even tho I’m named Ranger! My owner is hospitalized &toLD pokice they wanted 2reclaim once out but now I’m listed 2b euthanized #nycacc NY NJ NH NE CT DE DC MD ME MA PA VA VT RI- FREE TO FOSTER! Expenses covered! Pls repost me!

Corpus Christi, Texas, appears to be on track to become the first modern American city to run out of water

THREE DOORS DOWN: if I go crazy now,...

ME: This soil I bought yesterday is just pebbles, sticks and leaves! How can you call this Potting Soil? THIS GUY: What did you do with it after you bought it? ME: What do you mean? I took it home and put it in a pot. THIS GUY: Boom!

I can’t believe these bad people are doing bad things.

AOC is all sensible Americans right now, Americans who have completely lost patience with the wildly incompetent, lying loons currently running things who undermine our sanity, wealth, and wellbeing.

You say potato. I say potato. Now we're both just screaming potato at each other. This social experiment has failed.

Trump told you he’d run America like a business. He is. It’s called asset stripping. You sell the profitable pieces, gut the workforce, load it with debt, and walk away rich while everyone else holds the bag. Congratulations. You didn’t elect a president. You hired a liquidator.

FLAMING LIPS: Waitin' for Superman. GENESIS: Superman, where are you now? OUR LADY PEACE: Superman's dead!

Imagine the hysterical reaction from the right had Hunter Biden gone on TV and bragged about getting millions of dollars from his father's government for doing something he had no aptitude or experience for?

My cat of the day. Cuteso, aka Bratly Cooper.

i think it is cool that the president of the united states routinely slurs black people as biological inferior

You have to subscribe to Bluesky+ to see pics in the app now

staying in a fancy hotel for a few days is nice but nothing hits like returning to your shitty little apartment where all your garbage ass crap is

The whining from the worst Republican you know will be quite delicious

Congratulations, Virginia! Republicans are trying to tilt the midterm elections in their favor, but they haven’t done it yet. Thanks for showing us what it looks like to stand up for our democracy and fight back.

Being really good looking is hard too, okay?

Writing “made with real potatoes“ on your bag of potato chips raises more questions than it answers

Did I say psychic? I meant autistic

I don't judge other people's kink. Even really weird and depraved ones like yours.

Fox News beta cuck Sean Hannity: “As of today, I no longer consider myself a Catholic.” Not only selling out your dignity and integrity but also your eternal afterlife for a man who would push you in front of a bus if you got in his way. Good work. 1/2