Toby 🇵🇸
@tobestewart.bsky.social
📤 7550
📥 306
📝 2950
Somethng s mssng from your lfe bsky.app/profile/did:plc:sdkxyw2r7xlx5kjhsolgagv6/feed/aaajpevonw36e
pinned post!
If this app doesn’t work I’m going back to ruining my life locally
about 1 year ago
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My education left me ill-prepared for a world devoid of cursive-writing and quoits
about 11 hours ago
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Got-up early to fit in all the futility
about 11 hours ago
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Toby 🇵🇸
presentdad🙋🏻♂️
8 months ago
when is 4/20 this year ?
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Sometimes I worry I’m a bad parent, but that’s just the fentanyl talking
about 21 hours ago
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Today, I will be hosting a book-sale, until the librarians notice
1 day ago
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Hard to believe we still need international laws and conventions when the power of prayer is so well documented?
1 day ago
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WELL MAYBE, JUST MAYBE, YOU SHOULDN’T DESCRIBE YOUR BABY AS “BOUNCY” THEN?
2 days ago
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I have a cartoon avi because I got sick of being mistaken for a boy-band
2 days ago
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Just think how much more popular the Bible would be if Jesus was called Donald
2 days ago
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I have all my notifications sent to the needy
2 days ago
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Nobody else on the bus can sing a rainbow
3 days ago
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This is that awkward second skeet of the year, when you’ve already used up all your good ideas on the first
3 days ago
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This is my first skeet of the year. Better make it a good one
4 days ago
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Toby 🇵🇸
presentdad🙋🏻♂️
12 months ago
furiously taking notes in morse code at a tap dance recital
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Toby 🇵🇸
Eize Basa
4 days ago
Walking into 2026 like
loading . . .
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Toby 🇵🇸
Dave Espley
4 days ago
St Antonius led a group of followers in the 2nd C. After persecution, they made their way to Capri, where they endured hardship, including bandits & disease, before making safe haven on the south. This statue commemorates the moment when, on their epic journey, St Antonius stood in some dog shit.
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Toby 🇵🇸
Humor For Resistance
4 days ago
If you need to call me. No.
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Uncle Kermit
4 days ago
I was gonna make one of them bucket lists, but it turns out I don't want to do anything, really.
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Toby 🇵🇸
Steven (with a PH)
4 days ago
My wife and her friends are watching Steel Magnolias, so I casually threw out a classic "...The way she just [clenches fist] steals all that frickin magnolia..." and let me tell you, the gap between online and offline people is probably the biggest cultural divide we face today.
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Toby 🇵🇸
Salty MacTavish
4 days ago
2026 will be the year of the highlighter pen, mark my words
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*eats too much cheese* [later] *has the American dream*
4 days ago
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[Military Strategy Meeting] Moth King: *pointing at a chart of the moon* Moth Generals: *muttering*
4 days ago
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Toby 🇵🇸
Pot Shop Boy Version 2026
5 days ago
I've been in 2026 for the last 4 months. Get on my level.
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Toby 🇵🇸
maura quint
5 days ago
i'm stupid. put me in the ny times.
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2026 hasn’t even started and, already, John Lennon, Elvis Presley and Prince are dead
4 days ago
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Growing up without a mother sucked. She died in childbirth. Well, that's what she said in the email
4 days ago
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The Bible is groundbreaking in many respects, not least because it was one of the first novels to feature a gay protagonist
4 days ago
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I drink to forge, I think?
5 days ago
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Toby 🇵🇸
Philip Seymour Nothing
5 days ago
Hit me up if you're looking for a podcast guest who is in no way interesting, amusing, or particularly well-informed on any topic.
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Trust me! I’m a [*checks notes*] doctor
5 days ago
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What happens in 2025 stays in 2025, right?
5 days ago
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Researchers, working at the National Portrait Gallery in London, UK, now believe that, in the past, most people were facing this way
5 days ago
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I just want the confidence of someone buying a whole calendar
5 days ago
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We are only one third less water than a puddle
6 days ago
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Every time somebody else dies makes it more likely I’m the central protagonist
6 days ago
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Picture me naked! Wrong! There are more police
6 days ago
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There is more technology behind this Bluesky post than was used to get mankind to the moon, and much better writing
7 days ago
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In my version of the Bible (King James Edition) Mary, mother of Jesus, says 193 words. She just doesn't shut up
7 days ago
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Once again, I find myself reading the end of your post even though I read the beginning
7 days ago
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You type tomato. I type tomato You type potato. I type potato What the fuck?
7 days ago
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Today, the woman I’ve secretly loved for years marries another man and I can’t stop thinking about the money I’m saving
8 days ago
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Toby 🇵🇸
Kip Conlon
8 days ago
At one point I was spending more than a 1000 dollars a week on drugs. It was then I knew I had to find a better dealer.
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Most arrogant people need something to be arrogant about, but not me
8 days ago
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Adam: “What’s this?” God: “A rib” Adam: “Can I fuck it?”
8 days ago
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Toby 🇵🇸
Mr. Bea Arthur, Dead Inside™️
9 days ago
*me, seconds after cumming really, really prematurely This is all part of God’s plan.
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I’m not arrogant because I’m such a talented writer. That’s just a coincidence
8 days ago
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Climate Change is Nature’s way of telling humans to fuck off. Well, I’m not prepared to be spoken to like that! [*punches cactus*]
8 days ago
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Dentist: [*vomiting*] Gift-horse: “I fucking warned you, man”
8 days ago
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Toby 🇵🇸
𝗱𝗿𝗼𝗷𝗼🧩
9 days ago
thought the guy who beat me up wanted to play patty cake
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Toby 🇵🇸
Viktor Winetrout
9 days ago
God: I can't help noticing Jesus has Joseph's nose Mary: [laughs nervously] What a strange coincidence
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