Sorry about that. I’ve been writing it since high school. Got the chorus and half a verse so far.

So hear me out: werewolf obedience classes

The only thing that keeps me going is I haven’t heard my favorite song yet

f you know when I was born, why no gifts?

the subconscious marches to its own beat.... #MyTake

Was it next to the spot remover?

"Someone" left it, but we don't know who?

There's a feeling I get, when I look to the west....

Just how righteous is this new Pope?

You know it will never be the same, right?

Yes! God knows what would end up in there. 😂

This sounds like some kind of Avian protection racket.

For #Boston250 we should do cannonballs off of

My avi is of my favorite graffiti of all time in Headington coming from Wheatley circa autumn 2001. It is a smiling stick figure with the words "you exist" next to it. Some days that's the best you can do. You barely eat. Don't get out of bed. Just exist. And fuck you, that's okay.

meet Thunder, my sister's dog omgggggg 💕🥰

Hmmmm best cover OF ALL TIME?!?!

The release of Britney Spears' second album is now closer in time to the moon landing that it is to 2026.

In the woods near our house there was a quiet wide grass road that we called Lover's Lane. Quiet. Felt sacred. Eventually a family bought the land and built a house. Paved the grass. Point is, beautiful things get destroyed because people aren't happy with how they are. Or to park.

If you really loved me, you’d set me on fire.

Hi, everyone. I have been under the mistaken impression that the full first name of Tibby Schlegel, from Howards End, was Sebastian, but today I was rereading that novel, & saw that Tibby is short for Theobald. I apologize to the 68,000 or so people I have misled regarding Tibby’s full name.

I know it goes against traditional norms and expectations but I prefer my minx without sauce.

"Do you love him, Loretta?" "Ma, I love him awful." "Oh, God. That's too bad."

Very unhelpful thought, brain. Can we get back to work or do we need to turn this into an obsessive thought loop

I chose it hoping to escape but the book’s pages were mirrors, & though I tried to get away, around every corner, there I was, multiplied endlessly—there was no way to evade myself.

omg haha little fruit flies looking for fresh fruit you are SO in the wrong house

My Old Man will disappear for hours never answering the phone cause he left it home & show up l8 as fuck w a buncha dog toys & ur like how did you get those I thought you lost your wallet but u dont get into cause the dogs are happy

Thinking of tying a victim to the railroad tracks out of nostalgia. Gotta love the classics.

Clover still isn’t feeling his best, but Spicy Bruce Wayne is looking after his brother.

America divided over which racist, wealthy old dude who never worked a day in his life they'd like to see go next.

Faux wood grain? Wow, reminds me of the dishwasher my family used to drive around in in the 60’s.

they'll keep you on the edge of your seat and in touch with your bookie till the first week of September, when there will be wailing and the gnashing of teeth.

Look, I'm not picky about who goes next.

I mean this with every fiber of my being: What The World Needs Now is A Sunday Dinner.

You know how well a relationship is going by how often you address them as "Hey, you fuck".

Wildflower time. Pink wintergreen. It's a wet summer and the creeks are up, bringing flowers I've never seen.

We gotta be living in some timeline’s blooper reel.

When you’re kind of a big dill:

I love to support lemonade stands but I just know one of those kids picked their nose and stirred it with their dirty hand.

There is no Dr. Jekyll, it’s all Mr. Hyde.

My wife burned sage to clear bad energy. Now the house smells like a hippie’s armpit and I still can’t find my car keys.

finished!! @markandthecrew.bsky.social

I have pork fried rice and you have none. But I'd share if..I doubt it.

There was a cat incident. Long story short, she’s covered in paint and she wants to stay that way.

Wife: you like that, you dirty boy Me: yeah baby Wife: you nasty little pervert Me: oh yes Wife: you ruiner of dreams Me: what Wife: you destroyer of ambition Me: wait

Finally ventured outside. Made it to the hammock. Will remain in the hammock until I have to pee.

"I knew what was gonna happen but I did it anyway" - a kitchen appliance and intrusive thoughts adventure

I was talking to Mitch McConnell and he thinks you dress provocatively

Thoughts and prayers to me who accidentally answered the phone to my mother this morning.