TIL I guess, I'm more teleiophilic.

seeing graphics circulating for “DON’T DRINK STARBUCKS” & now i feel like a trendsetter

*ahem*

a gay spin on demonic possession: The Same-Sexorcist

All this reminds me of a place I used to work: The executives had their own email server that was specifically designed so that it never saved records of the emails that went through it. Then the owner was indicted on massive tax fraud charges...

John Fetterman looks like a bunch of disappointment wearing Carhartt

I will break into your house to turn down the thermostat so help me

If cop cars played REO Speedwagon songs instead of sirens I’d stop running from the law

Here's a cat-faced spider for caturday.

I hate the sound of something being explained to me

The standard for criminal conviction is 'beyond reasonable doubt' The standard for 'is allowed to keep being president' is significantly lower. Act accordingly.

guy who finally decides today he has enough information to conclude donald trump is a pedophile

insane to me that the only way we seem to be able to frame the epstein case is as a big cartoon hammer with which to bonk our enemies, rather than the horrors that were Actually experienced by its Actual victims

Me: Fuck me right or I'll do it myself. (An actual thing I said to an actual man who ghosted me afterward.)

How am I gonna be a optimist about this?

Knocked a couple pieces of maple together while bringing in firewood and before I knew it a family of bigfoots had brought a casserole. “We’re going to need that dish back,” they said, "it's vintage CorningWare."

How dare you not let everyone reply to your posts? Strangers online want to give you their opinion

And just like that, I was asked not to bring my goatse cheese, cherry pie to Thanksgiving

Krampus has just endorsed Andrew Cuomo.

If you are a big spender, the original art of Mr. T vs. Krampus is still available: brandonbird.myshopify.com/collections/...

Finished a Krampus cross stitch for my uncle. Pattern is from the witchystitcher on Etsy. I changed some things from the original pattern. #crossstitch #krampus #christmasgift

Happy birthday to Kathleen Hanna, American singer, pioneer of the feminist punk riot grrrl movement, lead singer of the feminist punk band Bikini Kill, frontwoman of Le Tigre in the late 1990s, born this day 1968 in Portland 📸 Allison Michael Orenstein #womenofpunk #kathleenhanna #riotgrrrl #otd

I made a lil scarf for the mailbox spider

for those who don't know, i also make sexy comics (i have two series in the works) and today i finished one of them. I'm immensely proud of it and it would mean the world to me if you go check it out

😈: What’s on TV? 🐺: Metropolis 😈: Ah, early cinema 🐺: Nope. It’s the animated version of the movie version of the Broadway musical version of a live-action version of the animated version of the stage version of the remake of the original 😈: Oh 🐺: And I hear they’re making a live-action of this

We all know that one guy who, whenever people are arguing about humanity’s greatest technological advances, has to jump in about fucking ball bearings, an absolute simp for ball bearings, can’t WAIT to get into his little spiel.

AVAILABLE FOR PURCHASE ON MY WEBSITE OR WHATEVER I DONT EVEN CARE DEEPLY AT ALL

Today's ice cream milkshake was Blackberry.

Luckily the Necronomicon has a rich trove of user experience data assoociated with it.

spelling out “kneel before zod” on a lite-brite

Looks like the buttholes are back in town.

Going to work now, but not too much work or I'll lose health care and have to pay penalty for not paying enough taxes each quarter. Neat.

mourning a person you loved for decades with all your heart who is still alive but who has become an indifferent and unrecognizable stranger is the fucking worst i do not wish anyone in the world this pain

That name needs some work, how about "indentured servitude" "debtors prison with extra steps"?

have you considered lying down in the woods and giving up about it

sitting in an Amazon box so my cats will think I’m sooooo precious

Hopefully we'll see a reduction in Hegseth's snuff films.

Most C-Suite executives couldn't survive a busy Friday night at a suburban Domino's, or a Saturday afternoon behind the parts counter at an AutoZone, or a Monday morning drive thru shift at a Starbucks near an interstate on ramp. These are not serious people who understand how actual things are done

Wowser, macgrauser, what a rube.

I joined Bluesky 2 years ago today, and when I think about my time here, it fills me with a certain *yawn* that you can't get just anywhere.

A mortgage so long it reverses itself after 50 years.

The eight Senate Democrats are smart to pivot away from their longtime liberal and moderate supporters in hopes of pleasing conservatives. by Jeff Bezos and Will Lewis

At best, Chuck Schumer can’t control his caucus. At worse, Chuck Schumer thinks we’re idiots who can’t see through his cowardice and complicity.

“finally it will be clear to americans that republicans dont like obamacare” will you listen to yourself man, listen to the actual words coming out of your mouth

I have another Schrödinger joke ready to go, but I might hold off a while.

Tired: Mrs Claus aka Mary Christmas Wired: Sleigh Queen

American politics makes a lot more sense when you realize that the GOP is afraid of pissing off the GOP base, and the Dems are afraid of pissing off the GOP base, but neither party is afraid of pissing off the Dem base.

You know what else the Dems caving isn't going to help? Air traffic.

Think you're uncomfortable now? Just wait till the negotiations don't start. Fools 8.