*john mayer voice* your bobby is a wonderland

We’re finally gonna find out where Buzz was on Jan 6.

paying the ‘like’ tax before riffing as the ancient law commands

“We see you like to save memes you find on bluesky.” Yes that’s correct “Ok that now takes twice as many taps for no reason whatsoever.”

new baseball dipshit just dropped

It is morning, blueskis.

It is morning, blueskis.

A cup of ambition? In this economy???

BROAST: TOAST FOR MEN

🎶Do you ever feel Like a plastic bag In a plastic bag Inside a plastic bag? CAUSE BABY YOU'RE A BAAAAAAAG OF BAGS🎶

How dare you say a cuss word in front of my daughter Keauxvyd?!

If you lose a lot of weight suddenly you often gain it back just as quickly. However, this isn’t true in all cases, such as being cut in half by a mysterious ronin who appeared to have not even unsheathed his katana

None of today’s discourse would be possible if we adopted my policy of imprisoning every former president immediately upon leaving office.

they should invent a social media platform where the owners and moderators aren’t bootlicking dipshits

this is your regular reminder that the strike zone is a social construct

The lesson we can all learn from RFK jr is that every guy needs one friend in his life who can pull him aside sometimes, put a hand on his shoulder, look him in the eyes, and say to him, “hey, man, you’re talking about sperm too much.”

“This seat is very uncomfortable.”

no YOUR body is a temple mine is a Waffle House directly across the road from another Waffle House

trying to hide my disappointment when the waiter brings the salad which is not, in fact, the size of a house

“lol I’m SUCH a Carrie,” I say as a bucket of pig’s blood spills all over me.

*john mayer voice* your bobby is a wonderland

Mouth Coffee: It’s coffee. For your mouth.

North Face please my kids are in the room

bread / cheese / bread (grilled)

me when someone posts a picture of their newborn

he just like me fr fr

Break the spell of reading about a world that looks exactly like the one in which they live? Was this written by someone who has never read a book?

My offer still stands. If you have the Matt Gaetz Report, and you’re too ethical to leak it, send it to me. I have no such moral restrictions.

[saying it again but louder this time] DAMN IT SURE SMELLS LIKE ONE THING I CAN DO TO MAKE YOU FEEL CHERISHED IN HERE

he just remembered he promised never to play DC again

my new thing is, if you use gen AI i am simply better than you. smarter and less lazy, obviously, but also prettier and more fun to hang out with. your pets like me better than you and your parents wish i was their kid instead. because fuck you

‘it doesn’t work for X but it’s great for Y’ oh yeah? well i did X and Y myself using my human brain and it came out way better. AND i have naturally thick, luxurious hair

It is morning, blueskis.

You're driving on an empty road when you hit it. It doesn't move. Jesus Christ. Nobody saw. You compose yourself. It's just a Muppet. Nobody saw. You get home. Go to bed. Your sleep is restless. When you wake you're warm. Itchy. Your skin feels... dry? Like felt. It's time to play the music

It is morning, blueskis.

born to dawdle forced to giddy up

“Bluesky is a liberal leftist bubble!” bluesky is for Catholics and sports fans foh

gotta hear both sides

The stupidest people on earth saw social security records with the default birth date populated and thought it meant that people born in the late 19th century were still being issued checks.

commander shepard: just doing my rounds. what's up mordin solus:

A lot of people are upset with Trump about this, but it’s not his fault he’s never paid a contractor before, so he couldn’t have known this was a problem.

Ok Joe, I’m gonna move my hands apart, and you stop me when I get to how big God’s penis is. ✋ 🤚 ✋ 🤚 ✋ 🤚 ✋ 🤚 ✋ 🤚 HOLY SHIT REALLY???

@rikiwilchins.bsky.social 2026 May Advocate Bentley Hudgins, running in a safe blue district, is positioned to become first transgender lawmaker in Georgia history and among the first openly trans/NB state legislators in the Deep South.

you're in his dm, i'm in the hospital; i cannot operate him because he's my son

WHOAAAA BLACK BETTY

It is morning, blueskis.