Spring forward Fall back Whip it Whip it good

happy 76th birthday to karen carpenter, ranked best drummer in the world in 1975 at the age of 18 🔥

Courses include Spices: From Salt to Pepper American Music Except Jazz Major League Baseball 1890-1946 Survey of Friends (NBC)

Imagine getting a Masters in White History from Florida State University

Sports Knower logging on:

they say “between the anus and genitals” way too many times in the jardiance commercial

My parents' sex tape

Obviously the broader culture is not in a good place but it's heartening that television keeps returning to one of the eternal storytelling themes: Padma Lakshmi imperiously striding into the room and demanding that you make her a delicious treat.

Imagine how popular this would be if more of their customers knew how to get onto the internet without calling the local library

Fox Nation delivering the Real Stuff: the most literal possible interpretations of Bible stories featuring D-list actors (good guys are white, bad guys are people of color)

The real answer:

They didn’t have talkies back when I was born so I’ll say the one where the train comes directly at the camera and everyone screams

That’s one of the hardest hit balls I’ve ever seen

THE GOAT

Fun Fact: none of the players who have hit more than 60 home runs in a season are in the Hall of Fame

You could say Judge waxed that one

This Brazil team is a Washington Generals situation

on what would've been filmmaker marty dibergi's 79th birthday it seems appropriate to honor this documentary - if you will, rockumentary

Love how every biblical piece of crap on Fox has to be “hosted” by someone, god forbid that rage-addled audience not be told exactly what to think about a topic

Dominican team stocked with guys white baseball writers have called “problematic” and “divisive”

Don’t forget the measles!

Practice dunking

They’re bad parents, actually. Deliberately refusing to provide your child with life-saving preventative healthcare is abuse. They’re bad parents.

one time my aunt stopped speaking to me for six months bc i dropped in the chat that chick-fil-a is closed on sundays so their employees can go get their abortions

I don’t need to spend time thinking about being in a hospital, I’m planning on dying in one eventually

Love hearing about the Straight of Hormuz again, it has always been one of my favorite international oil delivery system chokepoints

I the United States you could probably make a small fortune selling these

mr president, i think we’ve found a way to combine the iraq war with hurricane katrina

May as well have bought some of those cartoon monkeys

Cutting back on petty luxuries like food and gasoline

First snow we’ve had in weeks, this has been the winter of our discontent

President Deals strikes again

Every day we stray farther from the Light of Allah

This Pitt show is a misery generator, not my cup of tea

Ohtani even hits grand slams while we’re all asleep

🤔

MARK WAYNE “MARKWAYNE” WAYNE WAYNE JUNIOR

JUDGE: I sentence you to 37 years in prison ME: nah JUDGE: what ME: I’m not vibing that JUDGE: I see ME: yeah JUDGE: I guess you’re free to go then ME: peace out my robed brother JUDGE: that is the coolest guy I’ve ever seen it was an honor to let him go

MAKE HIM BE FROM OHIO, NOBODY GIVES A SHIT

Billy Joel writing We Didn’t Start the Fire: ok JFK died, moon landing *gets bored* uhh candy bars, there were movies

So who’s the next one to get axed, my money is on Hesgeth

“Choosing” brother a shoebox costs $3000

Hardly fucked on

Rangers and Royals having a normal one tonight