I’m from Whoville, and I say kill the Grinch!

in the director's cut of Home Alone, uncle Frank says, "look what you did, you little cunt." That's the only difference

Merry Christmas to all my followers who did not incur my wrath this year!

Christmas hasn't been the same since i noticed Santa has the same handwriting as my wife

Every six months some guy says he’s figured out who the Zodiac Killer was and the answer is always the same: he was some guy

He was despised and rejected of men; a man of sorrows, and acquainted with grief.

If the Grinch tried to pull any of that shit around me I would shoot him in the fucking face

(to the tune of "feliz navidad") denis villeneuve

I have to say I think it was a mistake putting Barry White in charge of CBS News. Great singer but he’s no journalist, and he’s been dead for 20 years

Muffled Gunshot Heard From Inside Otto The Orange Costume

If you post on here more than 20 times in one day the app should display a health bar showing how close you are to snapping

Retweet if you want your Christmas presents NOW

Got a feeling this will be the year when the consensus on Wonderful Christmastime flips to “it’s good”

I've surveyed the political scene and in my expert judgment the voters hunger for candidates who are sniveling little weasels who don't believe in anything

This wouldn’t have happened if they’d put the files on the blockchain

cowboy who stubbed his toe:

"Nobody seems to have the cilantro gene in Mexico" yeah because they genetically selected away from it. Because it's a weakness

Hey SLUTS 🫵 the Epstein files were just released 💥💥 and ⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️ ⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️ ⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️ ⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️ ⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️ ⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️ ⬛️⬛️⬛️ ⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️ ⬛️⬛️ ⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️ ⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️ ⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️ ⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️ BILL CLIT-TON ⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️ ⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️ ⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️ ⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️ ⬛️⬛️ ⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️ ⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️ ⬛️⬛️⬛️ ⬛️⬛️ ⬛️⬛️⬛️ ⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️ ⬛️⬛️⬛️ ⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️

Spotted a 60-something man on the beach reading Olivia Nuzzi’s “American Canto.” His wife is nearby. She has Mar-a-Lago face and is wearing a trucker hat that says “Sun. Yoga. Champagne.” She’s been watching a live cam feed of her front door on a comically large tablet for the last 20 minutes.

From computer files to Epstein files, files were everywhere you looked this year! That’s why I’m declaring 2025 the Year of the File

As a huge fan of ███████ I feel gutted right now. Just an absolute betrayal of everything I thought ███████ stood for.

Last year I lost $14,000 betting on the Santa tracker but I’m not going to make that mistake this year. This year I’m going to win.

Damn it sure would be embarrassing for the writer of this if there were any medical conditions where people could walk but not for long distances

dreamed i won a salad making competition by googling "hitler's favorite salads" finding a listicle of hitler's 20 favorite salads and letting the judges know my opponent had made hitler's 17th favorite salad

Thank you Facebook recommendation algorithm

Found the best named law ever on Jane Austen's wiki

In my opinion the only ethical use of AI in Larian games is summarising who I am and what the hell I’m supposed to be doing when I come back to the game six months later

We don’t need our estranged children anymore. We can be our own children! It’s time for estranged parents to adopt each other

Once again, this year’s number one use of Wikipedia was looking up what other movie that guy was in

The run that Rob Reiner went on between 1984 and 1992 is one of the most amazing hot streaks any director has ever had. Legendary stuff

BREAKING: John Cena has retired from professional wrestling after learning, to his disgust, that the sport was rigged

It is not a "surveillance state" for your car to know that the speed limit is 25 miles per hour.

It’s unbelievable that for all the wondrous inventions of modern science we still haven’t found a way to kill Dick Van Dyke

My transport plan is simple: a lifetime ban on driving for anyone with a DUI, turning drunks into a powerful constituency in favour of dense walkable neighbourhoods

Probably the time I sat down to watch a film and instead a damn train drove right at the screen!!!

“I miss blockbuster video” the library has every dvd totally untouched and I never see you there

Capcom has finally confirmed that Jamie Kennedy, and his Experiment, will appear in Resident Evil Requiem

He’s undeniably an industry legend, but given his present condition it feels gross and exploitative for the Game Awards to have Peter Pepper presenting an award

The fact that you can have 6 billion dollars and not be aware of the existence of other countries is a good argument in favour of the government confiscating 6 billion dollars from you

This is so fucking funny dude.

This is your annual reminder that the Time Person of the Year award is NOT meant as an endorsement, for example they gave the award to Adolf Hitler in 1938, 1939, 1940, 1941, 1942, and 1943 (when the magazine was renamed Hitler Monthly)

I refuse to be gaslit by year-end music lists into thinking I need to know what Geese is

The “forever” implies that after my own death, an AI simulation of me will take over and continue the conversation

All of the ingenuity of corporate America has not produced an infant formula that is superior in nutrition and all the qualities that we want to the infant formula that God made, which is a refreshing can of Coke Zero