Managers in the break room really need to shut the fuck up.

Homer Simpson acting surprised he has to pay back a loan he got from a mafia loanshark levels of stupid.

I knew TotK robbed us of a forest sage.

We have a mirror on which to write tips for Men's Health Month in the men's room at work. It's filled with banal affirmations and Jesus stuff. So I wrote in "If you're going to be sitting in here for a while, might as well check for lumps". Felt it needed a little real advice.

This conservative remake of Broad City just doesn't hit the same.

Got fired from my job writing for CSI for trying to shoehorn in the line "The proof is in the pudding!" every time they used semen as evidence.

God I fucking hate this framing of how your supposed to be in the workplace. As if there's only one personality type worthy of work and if you're not it you need to fuck off.

Katy Perry can't be in the need for anything because every time I hear her name all I can think of is her throwing pizza haphazardly into a crowded club.

It's the "Live, Laugh, Loval Office"

Also available as a sticker. Also they're having a sale that ends in 15 hours. www.teepublic.com/sticker/8291...

I think the rule is come and get it before I'm forced to take it down: www.teepublic.com/t-shirt/8291...

lol, get fucked, Cuomo.

Say goodbye to Denny's, folks.

The tech world has taken a massive leap forward with the Dish Licker Supreme, a sentient dishwasher that can actually taste your dishes! ...for some reason. Find out (but not really) why they created this blight to God's creation at The Serving Times: theservingtimes.beehiiv.com/p/dishlicker

Mustarrrrrrd!!!

"I love the smell of mustard and onions in the morning."

I fuckin hate this so much, and now you dragged poor Billy Eichner into this shit.

I see a lot of people talking about Mariah Carey's elf union busting and I want it to put it out there that I said it first.

Andrew Cuomo has been endorsed by their customer who tells you to smile more.

I know it's never been priceless works of art at stake, but literally every place I've ever worked has had passwords they are this easy or easier to guess.

Mariah Carey’s “it’s time” but it’s me with a wedge of parm and a grater

LinkedIn is Grindr for gays who wear suits.

Always get epic ideas on my closing shifts.

Skyrocketing like a SpaceX launch.

Boy, that's, um, quite the list.

Finally recorded our first episode! You’re either going to love it or hate it. Either way, it exists now.

If anyone has plans to overthrow the government, can you please do it BEFORE the AI bailouts and not after?

Searching for Mr. Reich

For as terrified as he is about the Anti-Christ, Peter Thiel has sure been quiet about the potential unholy union of JD Vance and Erika Kirk.

When one of these dudes can't find the price of a product even though the label is right in his face I stop wondering why his wife is so mean.

Not the sharpest claw on the paw.

"Elbow grease"? That's called "cartilage", idiot, and once it's gone you get nothing for it but pain on the daily. So no, I don't think I will be applying any more effort than I feel is fair.

In this year's "I'm stealing November" announcement video Mariah throws in a little elf union busting to boot. You know, in case you didn't already realize she was a piece of shit. youtu.be/Nn2KZOiYgUY?...

It's that time I guess.... youtu.be/n4QrKqw9mGU?...

Pleasuring* my wife. *Scratching her back

It's Halloween so I'm missing my blackie Molotov "Molly" Cattail.

No it doesn't.

"Oh, have your SNAP benefits stopped? Oh, you can't afford to see a doctor? Oh, you're working two jobs and still can't make rent? Sorry, I can't hear you over the sounds of my daily diarrhea splattering against the walls of my marble toilet!"

Going to start reposting this every time Trump or one of his goblins lord their wealth why starving Americans.

We should be more ashamed to live in this country.

They made a robot version of the average retail customer.

The candy in your kids' Halloween bucket:

This new Iams™ commercial featuring Garfield® is so wild.

Love these meetings at work where they pull us all in so management can pat themselves on the back and then outline all their new initiatives to drive sales growth which never include scheduling adequate coverage or easing the existing workload so we can actually accomplish said initiatives.

I invite you to join me in rejecting the siren song of Christmas Starts November 1. We're still doing autumn next month. We're gonna keep roasting up root vegetables and baking with apples. We're leaf peeping, lighting pumpkin candles, and drinking spiced cider. We're watching Fantastic Mr Fox

I understand POS means point of sale, but I can’t be the only one who knows what it really stands for.

I'm sorry, I've read this headline like six times and still can't tell you what it says.

It's easy to write news stories that favor your side when you're your own source of information.