GWAR crossed a major line at riot fest

Watch this if you haven't!!!!

He’s right

Protesting the Jimmy Kimmel thing by lighting my tv on fire while Hulu is playing on it. The fireman said something about me being very brave as he dragged me out of the house

Astoria the Wild Turkey shakes her feathers in The Battery. She has been living in Manhattan for 16 months now. 🦃 ❤️ 🎉

moments ago, ice agents again came out of the broadview detention/“professing” facility to escort a silver suv out of the lot. one of the agents picked up and threw congressional candidate kat abughazaleh to the ground.

Falling down the stairs in an auditorium where Peter Thiel is doing a presentation about the antichrist and landing face first on my Wayfarer (Gen 2) AI glasses, powered by Meta: “My wearable!”

It's only $17.99 a month to turn off the ads on my fridge, but if I bundle it with Dishwasher Premium I get 3 free hours of ad-supported Hulu a month, so

Americanada! (okay, we're still workshopping that one). We're going to be in you next March/April, end of the world depending. It's taken a while to pull this thing together, so thanks for bearing with us. Shows are on sale this Friday (12th) at 10am (EST) falco x

Rest in peace Brad. We’ll meet again at the great fight club in the sky brother

H.P. Lovecraft: Your limited human mind cannot comprehend Cthulhu Me: (comprehending easily) Squid guy

If you're going to shoot me in the head, please don't engrave a bunch of goofy meme crap on the bullet casing. Don't make my family learn what a wojak is they're going through enough

Our very strong president had a Freedom Stroke

Whatup hello

The suspect appears to be wearing forever stamp merch

Super liking my cousin on tinder to get out of attending all future family reunions.

RFK is the only person able to properly talk like that creepy text that y̵̲̹̲͌͜o̶̻͠ȗ̵͍̓ ̸̞̏ͅh̵̡̗͈̥̅a̷͇̍̊͝v̶̺͕̲͑̐ê̵̥̪ ̵̻̫̪̝̓̿ţ̵̂͋́̿ͅȯ̵͍͙̪ ̵̨̳̞̼͒g̴͚̰͆͝ǫ̴͖̫̼̇̇̆͠ ̶̡̡͓̩̾ẗ̸̛͉͌͝o̷̬̣̠̍̊̋ ̵̫̜̼̾̒͛a̸̤͒̿ͅ ̵̬̀̈́ẉ̸̦͙̀ḛ̵̲͇͓͗b̴̟̪͋̂ș̸͎̻͈͋̀i̴̛̟̞̽̀t̶̙̻̳͋ẹ̸̦̗̀͊͌ ̸̙̈́͠t̷̙̦͓̾ö̴̬̺́͒ ̶̨̰̜̋̽ṫ̵͚̝̖̎͜y̴̞̮͊̆p̴̖̫̚ě̸̢̻͍̈́ ̷̳̖͙̾̔͗ō̵̤̱ù̸̢̐͝t̴̰̻̦̎̃̅.̴̛̮͓̣̱̈́

Ol’ crazy brows checking in

Writing in my baseball friend's birthday book: Hope your birthday is a real "Home Run". Writing in my movie friend's birthday book: Lights! Camera! Happy Birthday :) Writing in my pedophile friend's birthday book: Congratulations on being a pedophile on this - your special day

The new iPhone features an astonishing 4x Fusion Telephoto camera with 100 mm focal length, so your photos can be as vibrant as your lifestyle. Me taking a blurry, way-too-close picture of the weird growth on the back of my head: "Ah fuck. Oh christ what is that"

My favourite type of Mons are Mothma and Pubis

I’d like to think that if the birthday card for the office pedophile was getting passed around I’d refrain from drawing a fun little doodle on it. Hell I might not even sign it.

googling instructions for how to listen to a song

It’s amazing how the nft craze didn’t lead to a single good or cool thing. Not one piece of art that didn’t suck

I just learned that the breakfast scene in Pee Wee’s big adventure? Totally improvised. They didn’t know what any of that stuff did.

Taylor's version lmao get it

this happened to Eric Adams

Within 5 years this thing will have my job (VP of Slowly Getting a Coke from the Kitchen LLC)

Question about the upcoming Radiohead shows: will I have to fly to Europe to attend?

NJ students in grades 6-12 will now learn about “the history of organized labor, notable strikes throughout history, unionization drives, and the collective bargaining process and existing legal protections in the workplace.” This is genuinely so important, and so good to see. Jersey strong, baby!!

What this nation needs is a health czar that's constantly coughing up blood into a handkerchief

Whenever reddit users ask questions about upcoming concerts it's always like "does the venue have a floor or is it just walls?" and "I have a medical condition in which I mustn't be jostled, was there jostling at previous shows?"

Last night was cool

Villager Bernard: Greetings, traveler. Headed west, are ye? I have a gift for you. [1 Lobster has been added to your inventory]

every president should have to ride through dealey plaza in an open topped car to prove they have god's sanction

America’s 9/11 mayor, Rudolph Giuliani spent the morning NOT shitting his pants. Later in the day he was involved in an incident in which his spine was fractured in 145 different places. He remained steadfast in absolutely NOT doing diarrhea in his pants during this event.

Deeply fascinated by the new wave band Trent Reznor used to play with in the 1980’s and how everyone looks so incredibly 80’s except for Trent Reznor who looks exactly the same as he always has to the point where he might as well have time traveled

Beastie Boys with Rage Against the Machine, Bad Religion and Black Star, Mumia Abu-Jamal benefit concert in 1999. Also my high school guidance counselor was, for some reason, the head of security at the Continental Airlines Arena, and my stupid ass got to sit in the press box

Look what they did to Notepad. Shut the fuck up. This is Notepad. You are not welcome here. Oh yeah "Let me use Copilot for Notepad". "I'm going to sign into my account for Notepad". What the fuck are you talking about. It's Notepad.

renting a room in Maniac Mansion

Was the terminator sad when it was crushed to death by a hydraulic press?

Hahaha oh my god that’s great. Kids! Kids come in here you gotta see this! Ki- oh right, they’re with their mom and Roger in Maui this week. Huh. More lulz for me I guess.

Our "overwhelming amount of office ephemera" president

BREAKING: For the first time in recorded history, September 4th was postponed. The world's leading date scientists remain baffled by this phenomena.

Wish me luck! Just gotta drive a truck containing the only copy of the source code and all the assets for Silksong across this bridge

Danger: Diabolik is about how cool it is to have a lair.