If you post on here more than 20 times in one day the app should display a health bar showing how close you are to snapping

A Christmas Story narrator: My father had a look in his eye that said I’m gonna fuck that lamp. My old man! A lamp fucker!

Our president loves to “mansplain” but cares not of “man’s pain”

every wiki article about classic UK comedy like "Father and Sons was a comedy duo comprised of Reg Father and Tommy Sons, who appeared on a record breaking 18,450 episodes of The Light Applause Hour. Reg Father died in 1988 of Cigarette Fever. Tommy Sons remains alive in prison since 1997"

Y’know, he really looks like a fella that’s witnessed a record number of Floridian executions

With One World Trade Center in the background, Astoria the Wild Turkey strolls The Battery in the early evening. 🦃 ❤️

The Donald J. Trump and 9/11 Memorial & Museum

We come to this place for Rizzo the Rat as Himself

Quake III Arena (1999). Unpopular opinion: I like Q3A more than Unreal Tournament 99, probably for the only reason that I played Q3A first.

What an odd thing to say

insanely good thing to say when you enter a room

They should do a muppet christmas carol with a real frog as Bob Cratchit and the rest of the cast is Michael Caine puppets

Please welcome to the stage, Sir Ben Kingsley and Dig Dug

Looking to spread some yuletide cheer with my new song “Big Nick Christmas”

Pornhub has released the top most searched terms in the United States and every state searched “industrial crane lifting a dark and dripping shape from an unquiet sea” bc America is going through it,

Wedding cake shaped like a gun. The bride throws a gun over her shoulder and the bridesmaids shoot at it with their guns. The happy couple share their first dance to Ted Nugent's "I'm Going to Kill You With A Gun"

Come on baby hot dog lunch

Only one ornament on the tree this year, and that ornament is hot dog

“do you want anything from McDonald’s” me: round egg please

Thinking about how it’ll never be Monday again

Robbed of the FIFA peace prize

under a Catbus administration every child in America will be issued a super shotgun, a stimpack and a yellow skull key

Watching the Zou Bisou Bisou episode of Mad Men in 4K and you can see a team of puppeteers manipulating Don Draper's hog like Jabba the Hutt

My mom was watching The Final Sacrifice the other day, her favorite MST3K, and it suddenly dawned on me why Luigi's court outfit felt so familiar.

Playing chess in a beautifully rendered park with an AI reconstruction of my deceased grandfather. I think of all the things I never got to say to him, and also review the DLC hat options

My friends and loved ones standing over my coffin, trying to talk about anything other than my Great Milenko t-shirt.

I’m Löuis Ç.K. I’m a new guy.

New Yorkers BLOCK ICE from leaving their parking garage ahead of a flopped mass raid attempt on Canal Street

Now we have no Kash, no Patel, and no... Job. He doesn't have Job.

It’s grink season

Ranking star wars movies is complicated because there are certain themes that resonate with-- no I'm kidding, in one of them an ewok hugs Han Solo's leg and says "Ay Chihuahua." So that's number one with a bullet

Scrolling through old pictures of my father. Here's a good one. Upload. "Grok write a eulogy for this person in unhinged mode using forbidden words."

Sources are saying that due to the events in the oval office yesterday, Alan Dershowitz killed himself at a taping of Hot Ones earlier this afternoon

Happy anniversary to the Max Headroom incident, the greatest example of signal hijacking. en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Max_Hea...

HANDSOME MAMDANI many call him

Walking with my son, hand-in-hand, through the GPU fields. "One day this will all be yours, Oggy." My son, Ogg Vorbis: "It's so hot p'pa"

Do it, Trump. Reopen Action Park.

We're proud to announce the return of The Lemonade that Kills You

Link low health beeping sound

It’s not true that money and power lead to pedophilia. One time I won $80 on a scratcher and all I did was buy Halo 3 and a pack of cigs

Rip and tear until it is done? No, shred and grind until it is fun, dude 🙂🤙

Babe did you want health insurance this year or are we good

You know what this place needs: one of those guys pretending to be his own wife

From the Master of Nightmares Ron Howard

[waving to get the attention of active military member patrolling the grocery store] can you please shoot this coffee it’s too expensive

/Users/Jeffrey/Desktop/my_pedophile_friends.txt

guy who finally decides today he has enough information to conclude donald trump is a pedophile