They should do a holiday of when jesus was born

Y’all ever walk into a public restroom and immediately whisper “Jesus Christ”

Living in the same house as your Bimbo Husband and being unaware that you have a Bimbo Husband says more about you than it does your Bimbo Husband

Geeksquad

Live, Laugh, Lug 13 barrels of fertilizer into the back of a Ryder rental truck in April of 1995

I get drafted and immediately put the barrel of my service weapon in my mouth as a joke lol

DID YOU? DID YOU KNOW?

Study: Children Who Play Violent Video Games More Likely To Say ‘That’s Goro’ When Shown Picture Of Goro https://theonion.com/study-children-who-play-violent-video-games-more-likely-to-say-thats-goro-when-shown-picture-of-goro/

I was playing Control and my wife heard the fans on my PC going crazy and she asked if I was "gamesmaxxing." I don't need this. But also yes.

It did not go well for this ICE agent last night

Carmela vs. spinning ball thing ft. uninterested Loretta

A computer can never pack a bowl therefore a computer must never make a playlist

As a proud owner of the X Rocker Deluxe Gaming Toilet, I will be looking into this

So from what I'm seeing the airport experience is now filming terrified families getting separated at gunpoint and then dying when your plane slams into an air traffic control tower during takeoff

Imagine waiting on Elon and one of his stupid kids and every time you attempt to speak to them they say “sir this is a wendy’s” or some shit

Fucked up that Korn is touring with Youth Code and Pixel Grip in Europe this summer and I'm spending my summer here in not Europe like a common moron

This is really cool — it looks like the lost episode of MST3K’s KTMA era, which not even Joel Hodgkin had a copy of, was found at a Minneapolis garage sale and digitized:

can it be closed down sooner

The party in the metaverse before the shutdown is going to be insane. Four perverts with no legs waving at each other in a VR conference room

It's objectively hilarious Jack Harlow made an R&B album and is now dressing exactly like Andy Samberg's character from "Threw It On The Ground."

*airhorn*

DLSS 5 engaged

Me when a jeopardy contestant does any kind of hand gesture during the intro: “This fucking guy”

My life savings depends on Sean Penn eventually showing up and putting out a cigarette on Grogu

I grew up in a Mac house, and even back then I had to ask why did the Marathon 2 theme go so hard? I'm not complaining but goddamn

the switchin o’ the samples

Countdown to Hegseth being named Special Envoy for the Department of Punching Holes in Drywall

crime dog you gotta find some better wording for this

Lol

During a presentation about AI at my job, there was a poll that asked "how do you use AI in your daily life?" and the highest ranked answer was "I don't" at about 85%. They quickly moved to the next slide.

now i might be biased but kind of a perfect episode of a podcast if you ask me

[TOSSES MANILA FOLDER ON DESK] scully have you ever heard of the time alien

“You don’t need to pause it, I’m just gonna pee.” The dejected grim reaper continues watching footage of my disgusting inconsequential life.

collecting scrap metal for the war effort (stealing a cybertruck and driving it into a gate at a military base)

Thousand Island Ice Tea

BREAKING: Terrorist threat level raised from "probably" to "yeah"

Black and white movies are always called stuff like "Married to a Wife!" and it's about a businessman who goes on a golfing holiday with his boss. No women in the film.

Getting fired from DHS via truth social is like getting fired from Hot Topic via your manager’s geocities page. Rotating skulls, neon green biohazard logo background

Our rotten dot com president

Do cops still spontaneously overdose when they look at fentanyl? Is that still a thing that happens to them?

well "palantir" is no "pal" of mine!

In retrospect this had a way larger effect on me then I ever could have imagined.

Bro is gonna be mayor for 9 terms

Have you even thought about what if there was an alien

I scrolled past the original, thought, “That’s a good Scott Auker–“ AND THERE YOU WERE

Who may I ask is calling?