The collective noun for gatherings of 2 or more people is a nope.

(scatters grass on my phone’s screen) checkmate

*kicks open the door* Is this the meeting for kickers anonymous? Wendy, you know that it is.

listen i’m so sorry your parents named you chet but that is no reason to charge me with manslaughter, your honor

we’ll be right back with your regularly scheduled horrors after these shitposts

I'd rather get a root canal than listen to your podcast.

someone should start making new podcasts before we run out

thinking about getting super into skircles over the summer. i could pull off being a skircle guy, i reckon

it’s not good that some monkeys smoke cigarettes. but it is cool

No, you don't get context. That costs extra.

it's a social network for 38 year olds bro. and bro you should see how many guys named jerry it's got. so many jerries! i think it's short for jerryatric bro.

Why’s it called dogpiling? I’ve never seen a pile of dogs. I’ve seen a pile of puppies, but you can’t really call it puppypiling because that would sound so cute and adorable! What was I talking about?

Normalise booing people who ask questions at the end of work Teams calls.

Some of you need a lot more groove, in your heart.

Assert dominance by liking your own texts during an argument.

today would be a very funny day for it to happen

ME [leaning out the door, to the neighbor]: hey now i’m really mad, you wanna throw hands NEIGHBOR: heck yes i do, meet you at the pond in five lemme just grab my hand bucket

heading to Michigan later this week, in case anyone wants to fist fight somewhere outside of Detroit

modernized adaptation where the old age filter is automatically applied to all of dorian's insta posts. at the end he smashes his phone and dies. starring that chalamet kid probably.

EVERYONE: just bring back Link and ban Jesse Singal BLUESKY: OKAY FINE HERE'S AN AI APP THAT NOBODY WILL FUCKING USE

VOICEOVER: are you tired of ME: absolutely

They should let mimes wear pants.

The sparkling water is for my malaise.

If the sign says "We Have Balloons" I'm going in.

Meditation always leads me to the same place (money laundering).

i've never raised a hand in anger but if mosquitoes were people i would be forced to make some changes to my belief system

I should never have to see a billionaire's opinions on this site and every time I do, I should get a cash payout directly from them

We are all in this together. That is how meat grinders work.

actually it's R.L. Stine's monster.

A lil bit a Peppa Pig in my life A lil bit a Piglet by my side A lil bit a Wilbur is all I need A lil bit a Babe is what I see A lil bit a Miss Piggy in the sun A lil bit a Pumbaa all night long A lil bit a Porky Pig here I am A lil bit a u makes me ur man Feral Hogs Number 30-50

I don't know if anybody has told you this today, but shut up 🫶

it is entirely possible that i may have consumed too much cheese - a memoir

could *i* get a career as a highly paid Political "Journalist" just by wearing glasses and being wrong all the time?

I just assume all you bros are the same bro, a timeless, ubiquitous every-bro to end all bros forever.

Choosing not to alienate you by sharing my feelings, and instead alienating you with my gift of song.

We have filled the decorative ponds with carp that will leave you with a deep sense of despair and general malaise.

my mom got an adult bib for me and she's not wrong

With restless mind I went to give nomadic therapy a soothing wander but I just can't shut up now about my journey journey

*unclenches my jaw* *my limbs all fall off*

they are adding a sixth stage to grief called monkey mode

sometimes when i catch a block, i like to immediately follow the person from my alt. not for any real reason. i don't post there. it's just my haters gallery.

If we're all being used to train LLMs, the most helpful thing would be for us to stand firm on our position that these are not joke accounts and just continue doing what we do best: providing high quality scholarly reporting.

the british urge to apologise for not liking your really terrible post

You overshared your way right into my heart

My dream of being a poet vanished like a thing in a whatever.

not everything that glitters is ponyboy.

Happy Trans Day of Visibility to all the wonderful trans folks here! Let me see you all shine ✨💖

Trans right are human rights.

our priorities are all fucked. we've been to the moon. It's whatever. what the people want is leftover beard ham crumbs that don't make me sick to eat. looking at you, scientists.