I think Ziggy is going to appreciate the cabin windows more than these ones…

In high school, I was voted most likely to die one day short of retirement

Cool Mamdani sign generator. You guys might have fun with it!

The irony of waking at 1am to rain, but humidity & midges demand window stay shut & noisy air-con stay on, so noise-cancelling headphones play ‘gentle raindrops’ to lull me back. 🌧️🎧💤

Some of you use this place like a social gathering, and yeah come to think of it that makes more sense than whatever this account is doing.

on here we show what goes on in our minds

"I'm still punk," I sigh as I dunk my donut in milk of magnesia.

You can't convince me a circle is worth much. They're rather pointless. (and other weird shit I mumble to myself)

when one of my posts flop

i am the poster child

Salt-N-Pepa Pig

novels are just really long shitposts

since i was a milk carton child i always wanted to grow up to find myself

"I made gnocchi" "It's gnocchi" "That's what I said, gnocchi" "GNOCCHI!!" "I think we should see other people"

if you see a dog stealing a newly baked honey ham no you did not see a dog stealing that newly baked honey ham

Listen. I like you. It’s just. Some of that shit’s just too long to read.

Woke up at 5 to get an early start on being tired

Limbering up for the annual avi change.

If you keep saying that your life was on inside out the whole time you're gonna start believing in tags

I will gladly give you some advice if you’re interested in ruining your life.

OK who the fuck let Walter Matthau in here oh wait never mind it’s my bathroom mirror good god

Nine hours with a typo left up is a personal best even for me

I’m living in my own little dystopian future: Fattica.

Hi. Could we talk about the fridge crisper filled with tennis balls, svp?

Why are there tennis ball in your refrigerator?

How your email finds me...

He was so impressed at the end he forgot about the tennis balls.

this is my raven go quoth your own

Share a TV series from the 1960s you love My choice: The Jetsons

Murder, she vaguely implied

No, you’re crying

RAKING WHILE ITS SNOWING IS TRUE MIDWEST LIVING

new fan theory on Joker’s origin

I've just invented a new product that's like bubble wrap but each bubble contains a tiny portion of french onion soup. There is no market for this product and it's very difficult to manufacture. My business model is "buy it or I'll attack you"

When someone has a little too much enthusiasm on a Monday morning

sometimes i get all sentimental about the human race but then i talk to some of them and it’s like oh yeah right

I tried to plug my glasses in with my iPhone cord for some reason this morning. Brain damage is a real blessing.

Driving In Haddington 🏴󠁧󠁢󠁳󠁣󠁴󠁿 on Friday and got caught behind a tractor with a load of leeks. The smell was amazing, put me in the mood for some soup. Anyway sent this picture to my mate Paddy, who installs heating systems and wrote, “not seen this amount of leaks, since yer last instal”.

You don’t suffer fools gladly? But sir, may I point out that you’re on social media voluntarily?

The ability to distinguish between an AI picture and a real one is called art official intelligence...and send

I like my coffee like I like my men, bitter and with a slightly unpleasant mouth feel

A newly engaged neighbor asked me about marriage. I told him it's sort of like a museum. You have to be quiet and you can't really touch anything.

Me: I want junk food. Brain: Drink this 1L of water instead. Me: Now I feel gross and bloated. Brain: Junk isn't looking so good now, amirite? Me: Yeah. Say, could we stop that recurring dream where I'm naked in front of my class. Brain: Ooh, sorry, going on break right now.

I miss you, good boy. 🥹

Share a TV series from the 1960s you love My choice: BATMAN

*sees the light* *goes to the light* *turns on the light* *sleeps with the light* *the light goes out* *the light won’t return my texts*

Ha! Splendid!

Answering the barista honestly when he asks how I am until he starts crying and goes on break

the important thing is that Waldo finds himself

if you whisper into the fridge it tells you secrets. i know too much now.