If I was a nut, I’d be a legume.

Do you think Blizzard would pitch a fit if I named my new game Warlords of Butthole?

It’s not me, it’s you.

Share an 80s movie you will always love

Some of my moots are terribly impressive (also epic, heroic and adorable). Now I wanna impress you guys… Maybe I’ll start posting my sleep logs.

I have reviewed today's agenda and have elected to become folklore instead

John Wick saying "moose and squirrel" in a Russian accent

Taurus: Harness the clarity you’re feeling lately to probe deeply into the worst things you’ve ever done. Introspective self-loathing is the theme for you this week, Taurus. Really get in there.

Weekends are just side quests with better snacks

It's pretty ballsy of Jolly Ranchers to bank on the fact that you're okay eating a little plastic wrap with your candy

I may be the mayor of simpleton here but squeeze bottles are the superior delivery method regardless of what the food scolds say

I won’t share my cookie with her, and now I’m quite sure Lulu is adding to her list of ways to kill me.

i am a chill and normal girl

What's your vibe? 1. dark wine fairy 2. weary cat wrangler 3. author of mild esteem 4. Muppet of ill repute

Productivity is a rumor started by people who don't own blankets

It’s Saturday, post a cartoon you love

('In the Arms of the Angels' playing in the background) Every year, the tragedy of Sleepy Bitch Disease impacts the lives of millions of bitches. With your donation of just one dollar we can tuck a bitch in and pat her on the head.

The super power I wish I had: Teleportation. The super power I actually have: Sleepiness.

What movie are y'all sort of embarrassed for liking. I'll start: Detective Pikachu (2019)

*sings “shoo fly, don’t bother me” to try and get rid of a fly *other flies begin to gather around as they become enchanted with my voice

You say you’ve had enough of my funny business? OK. Would you be interested in sampling a bit of my monkey business?

Stand up for what you believe in. Then find a cozy spot to lie down and take a nap for what you believe in.

It was funny, but in a public television kind of way

sorry, can't. labyrinth is on.

sorry for being so depressing lately, it’s the depression

I don't want to live in interesting times. I want to go back to mundane times when we were living in a cozy hollow tree in the old forest, drinking tea, discussing books, and having adventures with sophisticated talking animals in little tweed suits.

that’s not very right about now of you, funk soul brother

Who's the patron saint of functional crazy people...

Listening to my gut and it's saying: feed me spicy cheese

I just wanna be a cute lil orca, eating salmon and capsizing rich peoples’ yachts.

Writing confessions in my diary* *drafts folder

I wish my super power were not wanting to correct people on the internet.

If you wanna be my lover, you gotta grill me cheese (Grill me cheese) Make it melt forever, cheese that never ends If you wanna be my lover, you have got to slice it thick Cheesy is too easy, but that's the way it is

Getting rolled up in a giant fried dough elephant ear at the fair and eating my way out would fix me

You get more conservative as you age apparently which is why all of my sexual role play revolves around the Russian revolution of 1917.

Show me a picture that captures your essence

You’ve Beastied your last Boy

There is an old Carpathian folktale about goblins stealing human nutsack skin to grind down and mix with berries. This paste was then given to the elderly goblins to stop the dreaded night shits, and thus nightime BlueSky came to be.. #ItsAllBollocks

if i knock on a psychic’s door and they say who is it i’m immediately leaving and will no longer be needing your services.

I've seen some things and some stuff, maybe more stuff than things

I’m late to the party, but Erin is the absolute best ❤️ Schmoop

therapist: me: so it’s okay for a ham to spiral but not me

Tell me five random things that you love (that aren’t people or pets) 1. Summer rain 2. Inside jokes 3. The smell of real hardware stores 4. Ocean air 5. A good pillow fort

Don't be afraid of things that go bump in the night. It's usually just the Night Bumpers, and they're mostly harmless if you can avoid their tentacles.

(Conversation between dentist and hygenist while i was numb and full of metal drilly shit) Dentist: you know bruce springsteen, right? Hygienist: no

I can’t help it. It’s just the way I am.

I'm not good at making plans. Occasionally, I find beautiful or bizarre detours.

The best people make you forget all the things you're trying to forget.

What do you like most about the night? 1. peace & quiet 2. books & bedtime 3. wine & free time 4. creatures of shadow & magic

thinking about building a machine with a big lever. a big, beautiful lever that goes ka-chunk. I just think it’d be nice in these trying times to have a satisfying lever to pull