hate it when people brag about their extravaganzas when some of us don’t have any vaganzas at all

Don't send your coins to the wealthy trolls that live in high castles this holiday season. Shop in your local forest and share them with the witches, goblins, and other moss draped horrors that create sparks of light in the darkness.

A turducken, but it’s croissant, bear claw, cinnamon roll.

I did my turkey impression for you. Please respond.

you’re either cooking for me or against me

This coffee ain't enough.

Type in your zodiac gif and see what comes up. Post your favorite one

Through the magic of sleep, I've escaped the clutches of another day.

it’s ok, im sure in a past life you were funny

Fun things to do with turkey carcasses: - make lumpy bookmarks! - make a little suit of armor for your cat! - make a wicked bone throne for your hedgehog! - make a fun & flirty mask for grandma!

Somewhere out there, a turkey clucks in the mist. Do not let that frighten you. Follow its brave lead. Cluck at the mist in your own life.

I'm like a turducken but with mental illnesses instead of types of edible bird

Holiday tip: Dark fairies that live in the brambles of the old forest have a thriving gravy market. Just don't ask what their sources are. You don't want to know.

Please remember that this is the time of year that divides SO many families over the paganism of those who believe Die Hard is not a Christmas Movie and those who walk in the light. Don't judge those who know no better. Just shout "Yipee-Ki-Ya" in their faces.

These are the deviled eggs I needed!

Not a manic pixie dream girl, but a lethargic troll nightmare woman.

You can fit more pie in if you orient the taper of the wedge properly

Hey. I love you.

The guy who invented the word ‘gobble’ should be allowed to invent more things

I will fuck around and find out. We're all going to find out, whether we fuck around or not. So go for it.

Happy Thanksgiving! Or Happy Thursday! Wherever you are, whoever you’re with, you are an absolute delight and someone is thankful to have you in their lives. Gobble gobble!

You're not fatter. Your clothes shrank. Yw.

men who won’t go to therapy just shove their problems deep inside their cargo short pockets.

In this house we believe: - love is love - science is real - carbs are our friends - gravy can fill the cracks in your heart - turkey ghosts rule the night, and their terrifying gobble will one day find us all

This email could’ve been an interpretive dance.

*casually driving through a shit storm bc the world has made me this way*

Have you decided which treats to leave out for the Gravy Fairy on Thanksgiving Eve? She's especially fond of powdered bones, rare milks, and arcane butter, crafted under the light of a blood moon.

Getting older and my idea of pre-gaming is taking a nap and then canceling my plans.

You've just died. The 6th picture in your phone gallery is what killed you. Checks out

Quanked [kwangkt] (adj.) - Overpowered by fatigue. - Exhausted or reduced in strength, as by labor or exertion; fatigued; sleepy. Origin uncertain Used in a sentence: “After sprunting all weekend, then frooncing to get to work on time, I’m well quanked.”

If you think I'm weird on the outside, you should hear me on the inside.

Your daily fortune: Ask not for whom the black tentacles rise from the deep dark sea, they rise for thee.

[puppet show with my potatoes] 🍠: you have lovely eyes 🥔: thx! couldn’t help notice how you held your shape during boiling 🍠: lovely compliment coming from such a high starch content spud like yourself 🥔: I’ve been known to be fluffy when cooked 🍠: very a-peeling 🥔: aren’t you a sweet potato

If I've met your pet more than three times, I have a voice for them

Giving up everything to find and spend the rest of my life with Little Karl

the cape stays on during the sex

sometimes i wish i could stop talking when i'm in the middle of talking but i never can

This is about me

All of it?! 😱 @augustagoose.bsky.social

Time also causes a lot of wounds.

send noodles

Guillermo del Toro’s The Princess Bride

Post your warning label

I need multiple chances to make a good first impression

What's your favorite late night snack? 1. something cheesy 2. something salty 3. something sweet 4. bones of my enemies

Gary rolled and stacked pumpkins against the doors and windows hoping to keep the flood of Christmas decorations out for just 2 more days.

I keep slipping through the multiverse and landing weird

White Privilege should be added to the DSM-5.

Your weather for this evening: - gloomy skies above will be matched by a greyness in your soul - a northwesterly wind will bring a sense of longing for lonely castles on shipwrecked shores - 65% chance of heavy sighing & ennui will continue into tomorrow

i wouldn’t mind mashin your taters