I always read "Peekaboo" by Bill Pronzini on the first really hot night of the year. I know - shocking that the weird girl does weird things

*sarcastically* Oh, awesome, it's a dude ~ Bene Gesserit Joolia

The remote is cold, and the toilet seat is dry. Hmm, he's been gone awhile

Forcing a truly feral cat into an indoor lifestyle can be incredibly stressful and frightening for them. Cats are trapped, spayed or neutered, vaccinated, and returned to the place they know best, where dedicated caregivers continue to look out for them. Not every cat wants to be adopted.

No man has both: - bumper stickers - sex

Why is it a duck call and not a quack pipe

I shaved my chupacabra for this?

Music is not a luxury here. It is proof that we are still alive. Two young women. Two banduras. One bench in a Ukrainian city. They played. People stopped. No one said a word. hfu.org

Every time I see a serious reply to a joke post, I die a little inside

When a flock of turkey buzzards takes off near you, blocking out the sun, they may just as well be pterodactyls. Lawd

Yeah, coo', coo'...but is that a sea monster?

Are we sure it's even open?

The work marathon continues. But I'm down to single digits in terms of days left. It's exhausting, but it needs to be done Hope everyone has a great week. Take care of yourself in whatever heat situation you find yourself in. Maybe check on your elderly neighbors

My dreamcatcher burst into flames. That can't be good

let me be clear, if we take a group photo we’re using the one where i look the best even if everyone else looks like they should live under a bridge

GM 🖤 Do it for rock

Just hear me out: Jooliapool #NowReading

Let’s get high and watch Widow’s Bay together

I wonder if Rob Zombie needs any hoochie mamas

Imagine hiring someone like myself to give your wife piano lessons, and I'm just sitting in your house, nodding and smiling, thinking how easy you would have made my work if I was a serial killer

There must be tens of people there.

When I die, go through the restaurant apps on my phone and claim all the stuff I earned with my points.

when a take is so bad it makes your eyeballs itch the only remedy is to keep scrolling this is not a subpost please go about your business

It's pretty ballsy of Jolly Ranchers to bank on the fact that you're okay eating a little plastic wrap with your candy

I'm hoping there's nothing sexier than a woman, in "Home of the Whopper" Burger King boxer shorts, eating three day old teriyaki chicken wings over the kitchen sink

i feel ya , slime mold 😬

This is the ultimate FWB sitch - they're besties and they're doing it, doing it, doing it (forever)

No way I can stay awake for Supergirl tonight. Or can I? 🤔

The squirrels haven't had walnuts all weekend. There's probably chaos in the treetops

I'm sorry your kid has a 106-degree fever, but I need to get home to my dog

Don't assume you're the only one in the office and start singing, and other things I should have learned long ago

You may be the most engaging speaker in the world, but if your fly's open...

Anyone want to LARP a better final season of Game of Thromes?

It was called Freedom 250 because that's how many people went.

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH

Nothing reveals my optimism quite like a google maps eta

America: where you get pardoned by the president if you do a fascism, but get a life sentence for protesting said fascism

The new Mission: Impossible film looks dope

Happy 78th birthday to Kathy Bates! 🎂 #KathyBates #Misery #Titanic

pls keep your arms and legs in the vehicle at all times and your dick in your pants forever

Obama should invite the Knicks for a visit to the Oval House replica at the Obama Presidential Center.

I love the smell of bleach in the morning. Just a smidge of bleach. A hair of the bleach that stained you.