crashing out over a minor inconvenience

bee mine, beeby✨🐝🖤

Alice, look at my hole✨

unclenched my jaw and evaporated

There's always time for...murder? Shit's jumping off on "Playback" #MotherInLawsBeLike

Whenever I want an earworm for a week, I put this banger on 🔥

Humanity may need a hard restart

But a stoned pony would be horrifying

Okay, Beatles nerd out after this, but I wanted to remind people - in an uncharacteristically optimistic and frankly sickening way - that this vibe will be here before we know it, so hold on, slugger

There's a gaggle of cats and a smidgen of squirrels, happily coexisting in my backyard with each other, and Pepper the poodle. I've got the damn land mammal UN here

Still the best Bond song

Would it kill us to sing along with the 5th Dimension?

We won't be telling my Sith apprentice that I left my lightsaber on the bus

I can't wait to become stardust again

You had me at "abandoned asylum"

Listen to Brown men 🤎

It was weird growing up with flat earther parents but at least I’m level-headed.

I'm hungry enough to eat a billionaire

Good news: with the new processors, it won't even take that long

I'm high again, so that means it's time for the curtain to open on Non Sequitor Theatre

You never said I couldn't take your tulpa to prom!

Yeah, the guys who auctioned off my farm* told me they were just doing their job, too *jet ski

The real horror was having to sit through several minutes of Last Man Standing

I'm not sure who may need to hear this, but I've own a little land on Yavin 4, and the rent is super cheap

Some days, the only thing holding my already tenuous grasp on sanity secure are Trolli sour gummy worms

*deadly serious* Now, if you'll excuse me, I have squirrels to feed

Take away her medal.

Because hes punk rock janet

check out the IMDB reviews for additional hilarity (before Bezos deletes them...)

I’d like to report a murder. 😆😆😆👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻

Heh

Wishing a great weekend to only the people who bring their shopping carts back into the store

Either the Clinton’s are going to testify on camera or not at all. And if they do, Mr. Bill Clinton is going to eat them up and shit them out.

Unguarded pudding in the office kitchen

GM 🖤

Horrible distraction in 3... 2...

Art: lauraklinkeart.bigcartel.com

so this whole time “Democracy Dies in Darkness” was more of a daily affirmation for Bezos

I get my news from a reliable source

This is overt racism. Full stop. There’s no ‘misinterpretation’ and no excuse. This is who he is, who he’s always been, and why he should never be anywhere near power again. And there’s a reason the tapes from The Apprentice have never been released.

🥺

Can't, downloading books to read during the Super Bowl

I can relate to this. 😌😆🖤 #Witchsky

Happy Fri-yay? Regardless, good or bad, we made it

What's the opposite of a Mary Sue? Dat's me

Used this frequently for basic fact-checking as a copy editor of books and longer magazine articles. For those of you who have already ditched primary sources for the AI results up top, let me congratulate you on your Darwin Award ahead of time.

Are you there Cthulhu? It's me, Joolia

in my lifetime, the Washington Post has gone from All The President's Men to All The Dictator's Lapdogs