Lizzlepants 🐒
@lizzlepants.bsky.social
📤 4620
📥 1180
📝 3946
resident pantologist
https://bsky.app/profile/did:plc:3dg5zlv5v6tbzizwatnunvwu/feed/aaabx33niyxtm
pinned post!
my incubus woke me up all night with his restless leg syndrome
16 days ago
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Pixels Puddlefen
about 7 hours ago
if you walk into a room with the right amount of swag people’s heads explode
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leeroystarr
about 7 hours ago
Madness takes its toll, Please have exact change ready..once inside don't suffer with insanity, enjoy every minute of it.
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Jo is a delight
about 7 hours ago
Don't walk towards me quickly. I'm a rescue with some trauma.
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Wilbur72
1 day ago
Time really flies when you’re on a plane
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mindi
about 8 hours ago
*rollerblades by your house
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Is anyone talking about the thc ban? and this is all to help poisonous and deadly alcohol sales? Grrrrrr that shit will fucking kill you time to boycott alcohol my friends
about 7 hours ago
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teq 'r treat
1 day ago
putting up posters around town saying "dont go online"
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Salty MacTavish
about 14 hours ago
We all have our crosses to bear. I am compelled to do kegels whenever I hear Tainted Love. We all have our crosses to bear.
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MadHatterMommy
about 13 hours ago
I bring confusion to the table.
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moonvine
1 day ago
We are just gonna have to go demon mode
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Crunkolas Driverton
1 day ago
I don't want to make the most of my day, I want to sleep comfortably in many different positions
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Dumb Beezie
1 day ago
I hate the sound of something being explained to me
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Shaun
1 day ago
I’m sorry for interrupting but I like the subject more than you do
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Icarus Q. Dumpsterfire
about 16 hours ago
Cap'n Crunch is sandpaper for your mouth. Delicious sandpaper.
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A Murder Of Crows
1 day ago
I don’t know about you guys but I have seen quite enough.
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[Sic] Burns
about 18 hours ago
When the going gets tough the psychics get fired
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Goose
4 days ago
If future archaeologists find my phone, they will rightly conclude that I am in a cat cult.
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Damnit Janet
11 months ago
If someone tells you you're an absolute godsend, remember they may mean like a plague
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Blue sky nice ghost
1 day ago
Guy seething with jealousy: Well, I think the normal sky is already pretty cool
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sweetie π
2 days ago
gonna start a podcast where i just sigh a lot
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Surprised Face Guy
about 22 hours ago
Guy who watched The Ring tape hoping to meet a girl
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Lord Rat Squirt
about 17 hours ago
I am on the spectrum…of people sick of wearing pants.
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Jake_Vig
about 17 hours ago
Sometimes I'm disappointed that Bell Biv Devoe's first reaction was to sing about it, rather than call the Poison Control Center like they taught us in school.
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sarah
8 months ago
opening the window to livestream the moon
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Sam
1 day ago
10 out of 10 pieces of furniture prefer your little toe.
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Saint Valentime's Brick
about 19 hours ago
every cafe and bar I've worked at if I had a regular customer who was over 30 I would yell "NORM!" whenever they walked in. they love it.
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Jason the Average ®️ 💛🤍💜🖤
1 day ago
Growing up I would watch Eight is Enough, and quite honestly, eight is way too much.
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Humor For Resistance
about 17 hours ago
I wore deodorant to a commune, and they chased me out of town with pitchforks and passive-aggressive affirmations
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NickNackPaddyWhack
5 days ago
Garage dance party. Ooo I forgot I have those muscles.
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Astr0z0mbreez
about 18 hours ago
I didn’t have imaginary friends. I had very specific spirits.
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shushy
7 days ago
i’m gonna dance while doing the dishes about it
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sweetie π
about 17 hours ago
coffee so strong i need a surge protector for my central nervous system
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working on a collage of dick pics I’ve received over the years to hang at my funeral just bury me with it I’m telling Jesus on all a y’all
about 16 hours ago
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Missing The Point
1 day ago
U.S. fliers are encouraged in the coming weeks to come to the airport with their own air traffic controller.
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Jefferson-Pilot
about 19 hours ago
Recognized a song from a Puccini opera by ear last night, people are calling me the most cultured person on earth
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DaddyJew
1 day ago
technically, french fries are a potato salad. fin
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Queen RanDumb
about 18 hours ago
Sometimes when my cats are fighting, I pretend it's over me.
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Leela 🏳️🌈🏳️⚧️
about 18 hours ago
If I were a trillionaire I’d build a mansion big enough for all of us to hang out on our phones all day together
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💙 Happysnarkygal 💙
about 18 hours ago
Yep. Just checked. I’m still officially a crabby pants.
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Dak
about 18 hours ago
FUN FACT: The 'five-second rule' was invented in 1987 by a man who had already eaten the biscuit and needed a legal precedent.
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fesshole 🧻
1 day ago
Wife has gone out to a 'tofu cookery masterclass'. Hoping she's really having an affair.
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Frances Meh
1 day ago
i lost my zeal for continuity and canon in pop culture when they replaced becky with hot becky on roseanne
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weeder
1 day ago
We don't have the borealis so I'm just rubbing my eyes kinda hard
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Bar Mageddon
about 19 hours ago
yeah aurora borealis is nice but have you ever seen the wolf cry to the blue corn moon
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𝙱𝚊𝚋𝚎 𝚁𝚞𝚝𝚑𝚕𝚎𝚜𝚜
over 1 year ago
Yes, I dated a model, but it was a train set.
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ash
1 day ago
There should be a 15 min limitation visits for uninvited guests.
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Pot Shop Boy
1 day ago
One winning scratch off and I'm going to act like I don't know any of you.
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moons
1 day ago
y'all I'm exhausted
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Crunkolas Driverton
5 days ago
"It's an Old Family Recipe" I say, as I poorly manage my emotional well-being
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