It’s back from our nightmares

you guys, i'm really trying to resist bologna posting but it slaps

This email could have been a life sentence

combination dishwasher/laundry machine when

sometimes it can be difficult to tell if what trump is saying is the truth... unless he calls it a hoax. then you know it's facts lol

If you run past your neighbors scratching your crotch and screaming they tend to not ask questions.

I hope something gross leaves your body today in a very satisfying way

Imagine a cobra out in the wild, starving and pissed, then he hears a flute and goes, "Damn, that’s my jam!"

If you’re seeing this post, it’s a sign from the Universe to do that thing you’ve been avoiding: Seeing this post.

Sophia will not be denied

i’m here you aurora borealaas bitch

if socialism is so good, then why has the ruling class violently prevented it from getting implemented over and over?

my sexual prowess as a character

for some reason, i don’t believe them

I like visiting my ancestral home (dives head first into bog)

Absolute carnage in the family group chat as my cousin posts a Christmas riddle from her fiancé’s office that no one can figure out, only to find that someone in the office got ChatGPT to make up the riddle and it’s gibberish that doesn’t have a solution

Please give me your hand, please No I’m too tired you go without me

I'm werner herzog and this is jackass

Kinda sick of hearing about America tbh

I'd end my Jedi training early for you.

I have a mild cold, so I'll be slowly dying in bed for the next three days.

Fuck the dems. Go birds.

this is how i flirt with my friends

i have a stained glass window, you have bird poop on a windshield. we are not the pane.

guillotines are underrated as a headache removal tool

I touched grass a couple of days ago. It’s honestly overrated. It feels kind of like Christmas tree garland.

"....and I told Chuck, this just seems like a weird time to capitulate on everything, but then he said..."

According to my phone app, it’s 29°F with the windchill of 13°F. According to my window, it’s also fucking snowing. *sigh*

After reading through the Discover tab, I've realized we don't have enough, "Me, as a therapist" skeets to cover this shit.

Now hiring. A better electrician. No questions.

when i flex my biceps i will welcome you to the gun show because water pistols are guns too

Disgusting. You engaged in political gamesmanship using them as pawns knowing they would get harmed and now you question *their* patriotism because some of them aren't wealthy like you and didn't want to work a high stress job for no pay?

Holy shit I wrote a comic Holy shit I wrote a comic Holy shit I wrote a comic

Remove all judgments about Israel and understand how insane this is. Dude is essentially threatening to leave the party because of a foreign country. Lunatics like Fetterman legit care more about Israel than the United States.

go.bsky.app/PtgTvXJ please, follow these wonderful artists. Your tl will be better for it

some girls are sugar and spice and everything nice, i'm nonsense and shenanigans and whatever was in Kurt Cobain's cardigans

wood you like to come to my arbor day party?

Controversial opinion: Some of you should post more selfies. 😏

grilled cheese and soup is a top tier meal, sorry not sorry

i didnt drop it like its hot i dropped it because im clumsy

my to do list is so long it may as well be a fantasy novel

they should invent a urinal with a seat

[watching an animal do literally anything] omg I love when they do this

Bank of America proudly introduces the Heirloom Mortgage: so good, you'll hand it down to your children. If they qualify.

naked and afraid but i'm fully clothed

Why is it called a lie detector machine and not a defibillator?

Told my wife I couldn't watch the new Frankenstein movie because I was Igoraphobic lol and she threw me out of a moving car.