Might fuck around and go to bed, damn

vegans just eat hamburger hindrance

you’re either party rocking with me or party rocking against me

november is so respectful of tree nut allergies

Bold move approaching and speaking to a woman who is eating pasta out of her hand over the sink

Please don’t be rational when I’m trying to hate on everyone.

I hope i reincarnate into this life next

Me: *is sentimental for 5 minutes* Also me: alright, back to our regularly scheduled program

Clowning around with my OSHA approved safety clown shoes on

ill circle back to you my dog says as she susses out the best spot to lay down

Working on boundaries with my parents (ring of salt around the house)

Apparently I took too long to come back into the first grade classroom since they all asked if I had to go poop

you're at work, not doing work, farting around on bluesky, I see you and am proud of you

Ruminating, just to feel something

i put my big boy pants on just like everyone else, under the guidance and supervision of my loved ones

woke up still so furious that during my morning run i stopped to pop some car tires with my teeth

posting my nudes in amazon product reviews

I don't delete my bad posts because why should I suffer alone.

Presumably all the good deals with the devil have been snapped up at this point.

Hahahahahaha Hahaha Ha haha Ha (so alone)

Hamburger help me hide this body

Eating 2 gummy bears stuck to each other in the 69 position are always extra juicy

Saying "just methin around" when someone catches me doing something silly. I can't stop

I’d rather be in pain than even a little bit sticky

Woke up at 5 to get an early start on being tired

Sometimes I feel like the hot cheese slowly descending off a hotdog

aww, who’s a sloppy baby? It’s me, the sloptopus. 8x the slop

McGod making McEve out of McAdam's McRib

generational wealth is when i leave myself half a donut for later

The sensual way I overextend my lips when trying to drink a very full martini

A dildo molded from god's love

Constantly pulling my friends out of peril with my stretchy mozzarella cheese arms

Almost that time of year for when I place dark souls into the neighborhood snowmen

Biting him and calling it acupuncture

a girl without her sweet treat is an angel without her wings

*watching a serial killer documentary* i could change them

*slides you a kitten* "How about now?"

my lawyer has advised me to chill out

My panic room is the ball pit at mcdonalds

The only room I ever lit up was a meth lab

Eating extra fiber to help my shitposts flow more smoothly

A 'waxing moon' is just me shaving my ass

Rheumatoid shitposting

I respect myself by avoiding difficult things actually

taking a long drink of strawberry milk and whipping the glass into the fireplace

Think I might duck around and quack out

Google mapping where I can find a large spooky tree to wallow and wither away by

I didn't ruin the workplace but you might want to avoid that one chair.