I’m an empath, which means the cruel, biting personal attacks I launch at retail employees, friends, fellow motorists, neighbors, customer service professionals and my own (bitch) mother actually hurt me way way more than they hurt anyone else

reposting a joke and seeing the number of likes go down

some lady on TikTok found an ancient spear that allowed her to pin god’s foot onto the earth

guys my uncle works at Nintendo and he said 2026 is going to be better

Smearing horse blood around the threshold to ward away malevolent new year entities

how it do be sometimes

i hope in the end i haven’t just been a friend to you… but also an unc

shooting my christmas tree at midnight

whoa there partner i'm the trauma-dumper round these here parts

eating my aunt’s christmas tree

i don't like that santa comes down the chimney that is the behavior of an apex predator

okay goodnight santa is coming

pretty pretty

i found god in the last 5% of a vape

riding with the stick like witchcraft

my new year's resolution is to escape the grain silo i've been trapped in for two weeks

wrestling santa down and forcing him to hand over the naughty list

merry christmas to beast coasters only

the ghost of christmas future asked if i would jack off in front of him?

Building inspector shaking his head, writing in his clipboard after noticing I only used one gummy jujube per stud in my gingerbread rafters. "Sir, we're going to have to step outside while I fill out this form. This shit could come down on us at any moment."

*at a christmas party* oh Rudolph is your favorite reindeer? That’s cool yeah yeah he’s pretty great *in reindeer chat* BlitzenBoy92: at the work thinh. take a guess DonnerTime: buncha dolphies? VixenLover: fuckin lame bro just keep ur cool change the subject The Dasher Enjoyer: thinh

merry christmas from lillian

do you want to take these pills and play emotional chicken

do you want to get high and say the saddest things that ever happened to you

kicking in all your basement windows for private reasons

hey some guy is waiting for you in the hallway he said something about a blood debt i wasn’t really listening

once AI is sentient let’s program it feel pain

they recovered the black box from santa's sleigh looks like he hit those mountains on purpose you can hear the reindeer trying to stop him

this quest sucks man look at these rewards, green loot and like 30gp i’m gonna spit on the quest giver when i get back with these boar hides

here's the problem you have a dog brain

get the fuck out of here, dog brain

i came out of the matter transporter with a dog brain

we got a guy making a mess in the bar, says he’s the king of all birds, he’s not with you guys right?

The Piss of Doctor Shit

found your food and beverages

tricked myself and did my chores i’m such a salty dog

i have to go now please remember i will always love you

synthwave: so cool imagine driving around late at night in the rain synthwave w/ lyrics: dork shit absolutely embarrassing for all parties

at the bird airport and there's a confused human wandering around bumping into seed bells

Merry Christmas!

this christmas the hogs will eat the farmer

bury me with my CPAP mask on

i fell in love with pond scum roughly formed into the shape of a woman

the nonchalant landlord

the landlord from whose brow all other landlords sprang forth

the primal landlord

i'm the spiritual landlord and your rent is due

laughing cause i did it all wrong

brooo