I had the Grinch over to my house to watch the Super Bowl last night. He actually has insane ball knowledge, he played in high school I think. Really interesting guy. Unfortunately he stole like 6 pounds of deli meat out of my fridge so I don't think I'm going to invite him back.

Smoking a doobie with Cheechy Chong

More like the Stupid Bowl 6️⃣7️⃣

They're forcing me through a tube next week

I met the guy who played Ron Weasley yesterday while I was picking up pizza. He must've been on something, because because he kept calling the staff the C word and then threatened to go get his gun from his hotel room. Very unpleasant, won't be getting pizza from there anymore

Peanut butler

My father in law just got back from a unicorn hunt in Paraguay. He apparently bagged a 1700 lb male, huge fucker. Probably one of the biggest ones still out there in the wild. He mounted the horn in his den, most of the meat went to his guides.

A good name for a baker would he Brendan Butter

I went to high school with Dougie Crockpot

Bullshit

My advice: the famous clown Pagliacci is in town. Go see him. He shit sucks real bad, it's hilarious. The venue lets you heckle him all you want, and they even give out tomatoes at the door. Real pathetic bastard.

Brother I am fully gone of these Earnest Dungeon's boozy potato chips

Ordering pizza and getting two Normal kind and one Wife kind

I'm on the seahorse diet. It's the one where you can eat as much seahorse as you want

They need to stop stalling and release the Larry List

Wassup young man, you trying to eat some chowder tonight?

I'm raising my kids according to the psychological research of Dr. Gregorian Devilious

Just got back from the hobby store. Operation Huff Glue All Day is a go

Guys don't really smoke on a cartoon cigar that's actually a lit stick of dynamite anymore

I'm going Dougie Mode on the hoes

Pigom for lunch

You have received an encrypted message from Ominous Lou. Please clink the link below to begin decryption.

Senator Bone say: Americans not want pay more tax on bones. Full story at 10 on BBC Wasteland

Dogs get their hair cut at the barker shop

It's colder than a witch's basement out there

When you travel, you should pack enough spare underwear for incase you shit your pants every single day of the trip

Careful bro, that's the homie Doug Transactions. He'll eat you alive if you do business with him

Bro come over we're watching that new butter side down film

Fired from work because I missed so many shifts after getting my ass kicked by the Numa Numa Guy

Missing my dad's funeral because I got my ass kicked by the Numa Numa Guy

Getting my ass kicked by the Numa Numa Guy

Sit tight player. I'm about to page my homeboy Beeper Claude to come take care of this shit

White guys love to get down to brass tacks

Impressing my clients at this business lunch by housing an entire nacho helmet by myself

Eating the breakfast from Deadwood before I go to my job as a strategic account manager

I'm about to knock back a cold one

It's fine to just read headlines. They usually don't put important stuff in the articles.

If I was Doug Funnie's dad, I would have made sure that mf Mr. Dink stayed far the hell away from my kids. Grown man talking about "very expensive 😏" with an 11 year told boy

One of my favorite palindromes is "several suits sharing soups". Go ahead and try it for yourself

2026 is the year of the 36 year old out of shape gym influencer

Yes I believe in the infinite love of the human heart. I've heard my 3 year old son ask for "basagna" for dinner

Come over to bluesky. We got tun. Doop is here. And also prink posts there. But best of all? Jonk is on here as well

Our food is fully USDA inspected so there's not going to be any problems, believe me

All the kids at the park were calling me a peckerwood

Bro you're off putting as hell and I just gotta say I frankly dig that Let's hang out

You can't dm people on here to harass them so everyone else close your eyes @jonk.bsky.social I'm running at top speed directly to your location

This is what they're doing to me at the doctor

This new trend of giving you a beer at the barbershop has to stop. It should be a hard boiled egg