*Brandishes rolling pin* Who's there?!? *Sheaths rolling pin* Must have been the wind...

Spleen/Off

(Evil Pearl Jam voice) evil flow

(Evil Pearl Jam voice) evil flow

Good night for it

My wife and i are thinking of having an adult

The urologist when he examines your dad be like

My body is a machine built for taking pills that make my body work

I just invented global warming for dogs. I’m tentatively calling it “dog global warming”

Cut a corner in the office the other day and almost ran into somebody and thought to myself “have I been running into people for 50 years? 🤔”

I just invented global warming for dogs. I’m tentatively calling it “dog global warming”

Misers gonna mise

8 ball? I sure hope I did!

Get to the chopper! Just kidding of course. That’s my Arnie impression

If my name was robert I’d be saying stuff like “you’ve robbed your last ert!!”

My father was actually slain by a Labubu but go off I guess..

Me: you scrutin’ this right now pal? The inscrutable homie: ‘fraid not

Look at this photograph

how it feels to be literate and grounded in reality in 2025

Head fell off again

We used to have Mindfreak. Now, we are all "mind freaks"

Buy a man two✌️fish, eat him for a life time 🙂‍↕️

using the fake toilet at the haunted house everyone yelling at me

Getting word that today is Lovely Weekend

Just painted this

Nice night for it

Why do berts Sudd ernie appear Elmo time You are near Just like me They long cookie Monster you

Why do berts Sudd ernie appear Elmo time You are near Just like me They long cookie Monster you

Is this good?

Taking my dog on a woke

Does any one know if I had two coffees so far today or three

fat….angry……lashing out at everyone around me….. feelin like the white Garfield ngl

I’m the assistant honcho around here

Barbie’s cute sauce 😋

Heir of The Dog, Hubichu

Goog Le Maps

Chicken Soup 4: The Soul

Better home ass garden

Just fell off a big wall and now a bunch or horses are on the way 🙄

Let me just grab my wallet..

shrimpanzee

Ancient Clay Email Discovered in Iraq

(My precocious infant son, Bartleby) 👶: father, in your estimation, which member of The Beatles best demonstrates their understanding of musical theory? Me: 🤔 (obviously he will expect me to say pallmall cartney or john lenin…) ☝️😏 ringle of course Bartleby: 👶

Interested in that magnanimous beetle, palmic cart knee

corn on the clob

More like the “chump” administration ! imo

Sugar cubes are so cool. We are so close to making Minecraft real