(Trying to comfort the new guy at the siege) They say you don't hear the ballista bolt that hits you

Go forth my pretties

Wizards

Noses innit

found some really old ball point pen drawings in the computer

developing a scheme where I doze off under a leafy arbor in six months or less

(New coworker jumps suddenly startled) oh that’s ominous Susan she likes to emerge from the shadows.. HR are trying to transfer her to a darker realm

Brb building Rome. Should be done tomorrow

stuff I made yesterday: tattoo design and beef pot roast sandwich

do you accept the goblin's 7 Day Free Trial

My fisherman homie Mainly Bycatch has not been having a good year

Creek Mythology

Quickly playboy, gather this loot before the dragon returns

Archeologists have an incredible memory of where everyone dropped everything

Hate it when someone chops my arm off as I reach the top of the siege ladder. Ok I guess I’ll just tumble screaming into the throng of attackers below ?

I love to walk down an overgrown woodland path that gradually becomes less and less of a path as it goes on until I emerge howling from a dense thicket on the far side of the country several weeks later

(walking up to an ape who is using a stick to scoop ants out of a rotting log and eat them) let me get a bite of those ants

When you answer the doorbell and it's an erstwhile detective investigating your husband's mysterious disappearance and you have to say "what a pleasant surprise!" Even though it's not really a pleasant surprise 🙄

far off lands near me

Stealing dust from work to sprinkle over my tomes when I get home

bad guys, mercenaries and morally gray guys like to say "coin" to mean more than one coin

I find it incredibly reassuring when the town crier announces all is well at 3AM, when I am abed and at my most vulnerable

bout to get robbed

nobody fucks w water like my crew

(Crouching down, placing one hand in the slime trail right behind a snail) A snail was here, not 1 hour ago.. (Standing up) We're gaining on him

valentines

Trying to get the villagers to club together to buy a solid gold birching rod. We should be birched in luxury. With dignity.

If you see a predator animal, let prey animals know. Tell them to run for their very lives

The wilhelm scream isn't funny. Those characters are dying

honk shoo bf mimimi gf

"It came to me in a vision" is an appropriate response to 90% of questions. For the other 10% there's "how dare you speak to me"

Scuba divers shouldn’t hide in the leaf litter or underbrush (not where they belong)

Meet the fool reclaiming the dunce cap

(Getting a slight static shock from touching a light switch) Fate has spared me for some greater end

Vanishing into thin air only to later reappear into thick soupy air. It could happen

(Chuckling while setting my alarm for the morning) I won't know what hit me

Woe would never betide me

Try punches on for size

I’m listening to a damn word you say

Making a sandcastle is much like ruling a real castle. You are under constant threat from your siblings

studying the simpsons

Of course I know him. We were both part of the vast interconnected web of life together.

the birds are a chirping. spring is coming

leaf blower not emitting leaves

I hope there's more where good things came from

I still have a few dollars left if the cost of living needs any more

When I’m hankering for an evening meal, it’s gotta be Dinner™️

I hope all is right with worlds