i need a foot massage

you're telling me a honey nut these cheerios?

fucked up shit is lowkey normalized these days..... damn

ham in the form of burger

Tearing a page out of my passport to roll up with

impulsive adopting 17 pet sheep

just found a body buried under my floorboards #ugh

you guys don't have school shooter energy. jk april fools

so exhausted from volleyball tonight

milwaukee wisconsin has more to offer than outer space

throwing a diva tantrum and walking off the space ship on the launching pad because nasa didn't let me bring taco bell with me

this pfp color was inspired by the shorts i'm wearing right now

wargen #metoo

FuckOnMyFanny1971

cheerios dinner

i don't trust space missions. we have a planet with everything we need right here

magnitude 9.1 earthquake hits milwaukee, wisconsin 👀

new theory that if you don't want to kiss your homie on the lips a little bit then that's actually your enemy in waiting

i love the homie but the other homie and i are constantly devising evil plans to feed her slices of humble pie

having abby's pfp was making me schizophrenic

pre workout "the nectar of the gods"

i need a new pfp so badly

white child named slavereigh

i'm like really good at putting q tips in my ear canal

You Wouldn't April a Fool

knowledge is understanding that you don't get the same skincare benefits from eating the face mask as you do from wearing it. wisdom is eating it anyways

Walking around is literally a top 3 interest of mine

the best part of ssri withdrawal is easily the paresthesias. they feel so cool

protein shake

excited for saturday. gonna make this team of 6 straight men and me act zesty as hell

ordering a pee sandwich at arbys

51 thousand tweets. wow

Why is everyone talking about me today!! 😁

going to bed bath and beyond to hump the pillows

maybe i shouldn't restart my ssri. i feel so fertile

my health plan is to do vaguely healthy things 95% of the time

2 inches of rain forecasted tomorrow

going to fall asleep pretending that i'm holding the homie; my god given right as an american

just got such a good back crack

narcanning my girlfriend to wake her up from a nap

why does "laid an egg" mean fucking up. you should be proud to lay an egg. i would be