Guys please forgive me but I am filthy for Aptos typeface. I would crawl on my knees for Aptos typeface

What's good for the goose is a big kiss and probably a hug

Kiss two birds with one mouth. Now that's economy

Don't count your chickens before you kiss each and every one of em

Birds of a feather are kissable

Listen, you'd better believe I'd kiss a bird. If I get any bird in the hand I'll kiss it

Imagine hanging out your clothes and suddenly your nose gets pecked off

I don't know the person that used "recent emoji." I don't know who she is.

Imagine counting your money and suddenly your nose gets pecked off

Me drinking bubble tea: "I love bubble tea!" Also me drinking bubble tea: Four boba in a sip. Too many- going through em too fast. My ratio is off. I'll raise the straw- god, ok still picking up too many. Let's try jamming the straw into the corner- jesus christ more boba-

Interact with Hidden Lever? [Y / N]

I knew what's on the other side of that thing. They could have just asked me.

As far back as I can remember I have wanted to be so princess that I felt pea

Cool Me Up! 🆙🆒

For the second time in my life, I have misspelled "find" as "fighned."

Why is there no hermit emoji

[Standing in your front yard beside a steadily deepening pit, leaning on a shovel, pausing to wipe my brow. I look up and hold out a hand to you]: Babe?

I am, first and foremost, sympathetic to the plight of fish,

Been a while since I last posted a picture of myself

Me speaking to the barista:

Have you heard of our lord and saviour ground pound

[My subconscious every four minutes playing any video game]: Can you ground pound it? Just ground pound. Have you tried ground pounding

When the gong gets tough the gong goes boing

SLOW DOWN: WATCH FOR PUMPKIN MAN

You think to trouble me? I am a True Fan™. Your discourse is a fistful of grass thrown into a canyon.

My fellow Australians: I am bringing back "What The...?"

At some point I think males evolved to believe their yawn looks like the MGM lion's roar. But it doesn't. It doesn't.

Nothing pisses me off more than a man yawning

Babe wake up, new mushy planet just dropped

Trying to explain normative determinism to a friend: Yeah so, you wouldn't believe how many people named- Dr.... Algebra... are maths teachers

Realise realise realise

Varbo Gomping

[inventing the hot air balloon] I don't give a fuck where I go

Of all beasts, surely it is the sugar glider most aptly so named.

Who up washing they brain

My brain needs a little bath

I just wanna put minis on shelves. I just wanna put minis on shelves. I just wanna put minis on sh

Thinking of quitting my prestigious internationally coveted job to go work at a warhammer store

I have a favourite person on here

It's the flesh that is profane

I burst into the meeting room late, dropping my notebook and water bottle as I make for a seat. The attendees are silent. "It's this damn horse year!" I shriek, scrabbling on all fours to claw at the bottle as it rolls under a table. There are tears in my eyes

someone something me now!

Nodding politely in a meeting as the word "encumbered" appears over my head

I don't need the bluesky map. I know my people. It's the people whose bio is a quaint, decontextualised word salad

When I see someone has followed me I have the exact same reaction as when someone parks outside my house

Become normal now 🫵

Once they bring out drafts it's over for you all

Am I sad because I'm listening to Grouper, or am I listening to Grouper because I'm sad?