Kids are going to beat the shit out of these

Attachment theory is about babies and you're not anxiously attached you just need to go have a nice soda and act normal

This website is censoring me

Guys I just learned this was potentially Vance's son on the way from his golf lesson

One of my band friends thought I lived in Baltimore this whole time which explains a lot...

Todd Blanche? More like Turd Branche

Just used my mind to think about minds

My mom's family is Southern Style where everyone gossips and eventually has it out. My dad's family is WASP Style so they drifted apart and have still never named an emotion to each other

Her husband must be Benjamin Button

Late sunrises no big deal to me

(Foreigner with cyclospora) I've been waiting For a solid poo

There are a lot of good kids out there and a lot of gen z that’s way smarter than I am or ever was

One way you can avoid getting sick is by buying lettuce for $19 a head from your local farmer.

Don’t post how much weight you’re losing with your diarrhea it triggers me.

I like my non lumpy smooth husband your lumpy husband is probably in pain

obgyns looking at your cervix

My bp at the doctors was 107/73, a new low for me at a doctors office. I’m going to live forever

My astrology charts: you’re an extremely ambitious, focused, disciplined warrior Me: sleepy time 🥰 nappy day I’ll do it tomorrow 🙂

I’m really good at clarinet if you don’t make me stick to the tempo or written notes

The only job I’ve ever really day dreamed about past the age of 35 that isn’t in my career trajectory is plumber

I understand fiction making you want to dig deeper on your own personal truth(s), HOWEVER we are talking about smut fic. We are talking Fictional hot rich gay male athletes written at a 6th grade reading level by a woman. It is a fantasy romance novel because it is a fantasy romance

Eating a cantaloupe and strawberries with a devil may care attitude

Shaming and stigmatization is goated when enforcing basic social norms is the vibe. These glasses are by and for perverts

Tonight is going to be perfect weather for weed eating

Ok there are more administrative people in Healthcare than providers. Has anyone ever thought of disrupting that? Has that ever worked? No because administrators are vital to making sure doctors fall in line otherwise they’ll get out of control!!

Overall my landlord is good as far as landlords go but she’s sending out a repair person (again) for an obviously not salvageable garbage disposal when it could have easily been replaced for the cost of a repair

Proof of life in my dumbass thoosie gear

I paused my pornography to be here

You made the clutch move of buying us dry socks at the Carousel Gift Shop at 3pm…..

one day a sitting Senator will wish another to rest in piss. In my lifetime

salute

Great news! Our friend @villein.bsky.social is the face of Steel Force at Dorney Park

Years ago on a hike my ex and I turned into a clearing and there was a bison about 10 ft away.

(clapping at the sky) Yay God, more!! Again!

Not making this a generational thing but I have now encountered a few people that genuinely claim anxiety keeps them from responding to emails. What did they do to you baby? Don’t let the world do that to you. An email is less than nothing.

Mitch McConnell’s townhouse is getting new flooring because it is about to go up for sale and he leaked all over it

Get ready with me to consume products that you, too, can buy

Telling my perfect toddler I’m absolutely gooped by his renderings of a kitty

If the public needs to me to take on the new diarrhea disease, I’ll do it. I wouldn’t be happy about it but I would do it

lol

It’s me, Mitch. I’m in heaven now. So sorry I died.

Another ad for little boys clothing got me. But who wouldn’t want a shirt with the dang hungry hungry caterpillar come on

Charging $1200 a month to live in my head

Roller coasters get stuck for your safety. They didn’t used to do that because they didn’t have safety sensors but a now safety trip pauses them in a block zone so nothing bad happens. God

(after peeing) Ok body is bodying

Got sorted into a team building thing where it is clear I’m going to be the personality engine among the group. Heavy is the head……

One of the common tropes about men is that they would not ask for directions and then when your dad stopped to ask for directions you could be like wow he’s one of the good ones.

The original show had over 200 episodes and 3 made for TV movies. This isn’t one of those things that needs a reimagining

Today my toddler’s pediatrician once again confirmed I’m in the running for World’s Most Beautiful Perfect Mother

I love weed eating I love fucking shit up with a weed whacker