a middle aged drunk man and an addled brain elder gazing out on the mall in DC and saying suddenly, in unison: The Great American State Fair

Always immediately locking in with the most autistic girlies at the function. My queens

What is THIS SHIT

My own father is trying to rag me for being a thoosie!!!!

(apologies for my filth) Titus’ daily insolence

Physician shortages, ranked

Worried about showing arm at the annual orchestra picnic

I’m too stupid to walk slowly and work. It’s actually much simpler to bang out a couple miles at a normal to slow walking pace in 30-40min

When I’m HHS Secretary I’m not going to have any comments on sperm of any age

I have never gone to a social event where I don’t know people and had an abysmal time, people never gather together to point and laugh at me for being a loser. It always turns out fine and sometimes great. However,

Bad news I blew up on the launchpad during my test flight this morning

Now that’s the good stuff that is what I like to see boys

They lost Bret

This is actually more satisfying

Let’s all laugh

Not vibing with the price of beef

The stocks are going to slurp this up !!!

A good product could fix you

Look at this girl outside my window

When my job becomes a week(s) long data entry project of updating old spreadsheets I do see the potential use case for AI. But the pope said.

took on immediate damage from this search

Stocks have never been more fake

The puppy phone case I made with my friends during gay band weekend is ready to go on my phone. However, I should probably consider my age

If I were really rich I would buy a restaurant so I could make people read the most embarrassing shit possible off of a menu

I’ll be getting my 1st colonoscopy and the nurse kept repeating “we want you peeing out your butthole” about the prep like she expected a laugh. I take peeing out the butthole too seriously for that type of nonsense.

Bringing a gigantic pair of jeans to hold out during the annual family photo

Rewarding my hard work with 20 minutes of looking at accounts of end stage ALS patients on Instagram

Yeah I'm a day trader now I can turn $10 into $10.04 or $9.90

Today, I'm jealous of his crate

Perimenopause is the hot new excuse for your -isms and -ics

I know [someone] who interviewed at the Texas AG's office under KP and they were begging for someone who knew the law, any law at all

"At Yoga at 7:30am in the morning? Who am I?" Too concerned with the outer experience. Obsessed with the performance of it all. Not honoring your inner light

I love older lesbians. My mom is an older lesbians

Here lies colorscolor Beloved employee

One of my stocks popped off. But again I only owned 5 shares

Begging to go to the work conference please let me go to the big work conference

I have hardly touched my work tasks I'm still thinking about my lost forever wallet rip

Everyone agrees

I hate people who are different. But if you don't, that's okay. It takes all kinds in this big beautiful world ♥️.

Ok

I was simmering on a take about how I feel about rural central US vs rural NE US but actually what I’m trying to say is Knoebels Amusement Park smells bad

(trying to write a country song) Golfin Huntin Sippin on a beer Chicken I mean beef Lookin at my girlfriend’s ears

Pope Leo check out AI usage in US Catholic hospitals. Check on her

Pennsylvania has 40 amusement parks that are all 8 hours apart. Not sure how they managed this.

Boring History for Sleep

Get those scruples away from me

Compression socks fuck

The group I’m with is adorably embodying the common stereotypes about the city our group is from while we navigate around the stereotypes embodied by the group we’re visiting’s city. You see what I’m saying?

This is Simba

The Plus Size Park Hoppers are cut throat calculated. They know what they are doing and good for them