buying one small can of soup and one giant loaf of bread

I've been hearing of a lot of people with bad dreams, seeing bad omens, stuff like that. Haven't you?

eating pb&j & jelly

they're changing my status from Available to In Storage

it's bloody leg season

3 days after daylight savings time change and i'm already feeling like this

D1470.1.14 Magic wishing-cap.

troi: what is it data data: counselor, do the other crew members fw me? or not really? troi: well data that's an interesting question,

gathering microplastics for the winter

🚫 No records found for your search query "the esoteric fucksta" (All)

my boss: hey so–and you're not in trouble–did you refer to one of our customers as a "black lodge entity" the other day?

before asmr videos I used to fall asleep to a dvd of fight club every night

running for city council on a platform of getting the european zyn flavors into the gas stations near my apartment

tweeting "going to dunkins for free napkins" and dying in a 20 car pileup on the highway

data breach exposes exact positions and momenta of billions of subatomatic particles

you're like a tutorial boss to me

groceries have no power over me

how the boss and hr person look at me when i walk into the admin office

odd rufus responds to accusations from the perverts guild that he used a decommissioned contraptor unit to create some of his lewd etchings

readjusting to life after being declared a "failed experiment" by my mad scientist

My friend, I have had a dream! I stood in the cedar forest, and trusted the bees with great swiftness.

heat up windows open nude under a weighted blanket oscillating fan and space heater on white and brown noise machines five podcasts and binaural beats playing on refurbished samsung galaxy tablets circadian light therapy lamp on ready for bed

it's not even november and stores have already put out all their nosebleed and itchy leg stuff...

my polearm finally came in the mail

hello 911 my two 41 year old friends and i need help we hurt ourselves imitating wrestling

music is so goated

mutual monday comes but once a year

lost in the wilderness taunting my search party

offering a zyn to the hiring committee before the interview

the only ways to make money are sports betting and dying at the murder factory

my family refers to me as "the entity"

my bee wife is giving me some hive mind and i do mean orally

back to work tomorrow after a five day weekend

telling my nephew i know old macdonald personally and he doesn't even have a farm

i would make such a good retiree

my name is peter bog

me: what is... being thrown in a pit? ken jennings: not even close

i have to run a pointless errand every day to feel normal

saw an annoying review on letterboxd and then the director of the movie was in the comments also being annoying. shut the internet down

taking magnesium gummies recreationally

plain polar seltzer taste test

mr.beanVEVO

30 minutes to showtime.....

quote tweeting myself in the mirror

toll cameras flashed every contraptor unit on the back of the siege engine on the turnpike now i owe 40 dollars to the road czar

going to see chat pile tonight 😎

three years sober today 🙌

telling my neighbor strong winds must have blown all his amazon packages into my apartment