didn't last long as a lighthouse keeper because the gentle rains, lapping waves and distant foghorns sounded too much like my favorite relaxation 8 hours for sleep videos

selling candied burls and mulled pondwater at the christmas magic craft n bake

does a welcome mat give dracula the go ahead

hunting santa's reindeer with a longbow

an unnaturally large moth was blotting out the searchlight so i had scale the outside of the lighthouse and bring it down with a harpoon gun

building a spiral staircase in my 300 square foot studio apartment. i will need to punch a hole in the ceiling but its better to ask your upstairs neighbor for forgiveness than permission as the saying goes

going to the sleep

my new year's resolution is to escape the grain silo i've been trapped in for two weeks

getting really into sweatshirts lately

posting wheat pennies on facebook marketplace with my license and social security card included for scale

we're getting rid of sunday. we're gonna do two saturdays instead

practicing my spin attack in the parking lot

I was in my basement. Suddenly there was a lot of noise and heat.

switching from cold gruel to room temperature and back again as the seasons change

running full speed through the winter wonderland holiday lights display no car

going to mcdonalds to get the grinch meal then going to burger king to get the spongebob meal then driving into the freezing lake

my ailments tier list

drinking a disgusting potion (7.50 + tip)

guy at the gas station told me dubai chocolate has grinch meat in it. i laughed but then the other guy elbowed him and they both got real quiet

mr. still sick

my grinch bite is infected i think

what if i went to bed at 8pm

Only the winds of death blow from the lips of mortals.

can't wait to get home from work, change into my watch coat, knee breeches and tricorn hat and relax

paintings are nice but have you tried staring at the wall

Western Grain Robert Newton Hurley 1944

yeah can i just get a few morsels to go please

Yes, I'm sure you're enjoying listening to your innocent little pounding beats.. but with only the slightest orthographical shift, they become 'pouncing beasts'. Not so "radical" now, are they?

the worst thing about ai is that it's given "slop" a bad name. slop is healthy and normal!

asking the waiter if we can get a round of shoulder rubs for the table while we wait for our food

sneaking onto the ups guy's truck to get out of work early

building a working lighthouse in my 300 square foot studio apartment

thinking of changing careers from keeper to caretaker

therapist making me unlock replies as a form of exposure response prevention

undertaker meme thought i was going back to work today sinus infection

jubilee video 20 santa's elves vs 1 grinch

new ritualized behavior unlocked. return to hub area to equip

turning to the person behind me in line and saying i'm not talking to you halfway through my order

Millcreek, Utah Pop: 61,450 https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Millcreek,_Utah Images: https://commons.wikimedia.org/w/index.php?curid=53549571 https://commons.wikimedia.org/w/index.php?curid=51945092 https://commons.wikimedia.org/w/index.php?curid=75339348

you can just sit in your car if you're not really feeling it today

i got you all primitive stone tools for christmas

offering a meek that's fine when coworker asks if they can turn on the break room light then scurrying under the couch

banned from uber for biting

wearing beer hat with two light therapy orbs strapped to either side of my head

12 habits of highly productive people: 1. open your eyes 2. naturally transition from sleep to waking with rising cortisol, heart rate, and brain activity,

using miraculous bilocation to be in the breakroom and the parking lot at the same time

Hurragh!

you guys know i'm allergic to mistletoe this is really not cool

a grinch got into the rafters at my work somehow. we had to whack it with a broom and catch it with a jacket. managed to bring it outside but it scratched the fuck outta me

ordering a pb&j sandwich and getting mad when it doesn't come with a pickle