[used: 1x ‘potion that makes you say hell yeah’] me: hell yeah

Fighter: Then we descended 13,000 basalt steps to the bottom of the magma chamber, where we smote a demon after a brutal battle. My best friend Gur was annihilated and sent to hell forever, but we won the day, and I gained a level! Baker: Neat. I gain levels by baking bread.

Put your jacket on! Do you want to take cold damage?

Don't know why the bard had to use the word "malodorous" so many times in her poem about me.

My artificial man is starting to ask questions I don't want to answer. Like "what are these ugly etchings?" and "did you etch these?"

My slaves spent a decade paving a valley with pastel tiles. Yet happiness continues to elude me.

rolling a ball of shit. you don't care because you live very far away from me, but imagine how big it will be by the time i get to your house.

My evil wife blanketed the village with poisonous fog. I've never been more attracted to her 😍

Me: Bro rn you're shrouded from all searching eyes, both friend and foe alike My stealthy buddy appearing from the shadows: My bad

I escaped the encroaching darkness by activating a glow worm. It helps to always keep a glow worm in your pocket

three days curled up deep asleep inside a translucent aquatic blossom floating on the surface of a crystal clear pool in an underground cavern lit by the gentle glimmer of a hundred thousand glowworms would cure me

sour your blade with lemon oil in order to deal puckering blows

I hate the ribald elf. I am going to kill the ribald elf. For pleasure.

(affably) see you in the dark realm!

Manacled to the cellar wall watching a carnivorous lichen grow a little toward me with each passing hour.

Level one elder statesman who has to go around the field dispensing his bon mots and worldly wisdom to rats and hobgoblins

Your wife won the Miss Bone Biome pageant. Which seems incongruous with her marital status.

Gifting mother my favourite stave so I can see which section of the forest she enters to collect her power orbs for enchantment

When bro's amulet failed to activate in a time of dire need 😂

Minotaur was actually chill af, he was just as lost as I was in the labyrinth lol

Mass casualty crush at the henchmen of the year awards after a waiter drops a glass and 600 attendees leave their seats to investigate the sound at the same time

The region's foremost scholar of explosive potions and irony has just died of natural causes.

Why everyone else get to have good items? Why my items suck?

It's said there's a secret entrance to the palace through the sewers. There isn't one, but it's said there is. A lot of people have drowned in sewage looking for it.

You are a skilful and trusted vizier. You will advise me wisely on how best to rule the kingdom. You will not scheme or plot. You will not inveigle my other courtiers into turning against me. You will not lie to me about scheming or plotting. If you scheme or plot against me, you have to tell me,

[You are encumbered and cannot run] [You drop: Greatsword of Frost] [You are encumbered] [Warning! Dropping Prince Tim will abandon his questline!] [You drop: Prince Tim] [Quest failed! "Tiny Kingdom in Need"] [You are encumbered] [You drop: (1) of (14) Cheese Wheels] [You are no longer encumbered]

Slice up 92 kobolds, they hail me as a hero. Accidentally disembowel one single mayor's nephew and they utterly rake me over the coals. Go figure!

Shaking my wand of lassitude, encouraging it — begging it — to zap the charging minotaur.

Water Wizard: Moving this water out of the mine is trivial. Any third room adept at the Studium could accomplish the task. There's really only one problem. Handsome Mine Foreman: What's that? Water Wizard: I'm too lonely to cast a spell at the moment 👉👈

Frogman engineer: (emerging from an orange pool with rust-colored filth clung to his body, lighting a stubby cigarillo withdrawn from a greased pouch, and exhaling musty smoke) It's going to be harder than I thought to get all this water out of here.

Look, I don't want to be "that guy," but I'm sick of the cannibalistic amphibinoids and their twisted sorceries. Despoiling the crystal fortress wasn't enough for these guys, they have to come after the wells of power The Third Circle just happens to draw their ancient powers from foh

The one guy in our village who can read: The book was way better than the retelling of it through oral tradition 🙄

I didn't flood the mine; water did. I was minding my own business, digging around in the forbidden tunnel beneath the aqueduct. I'm not responsible for the behavior of that water.

Mining gray minerals from a crater.

Battle axe hits different when an enemy is wielding it!

The prince is so fat they had to widen the line of succession into a lane of succession. And install benches along it.

I went ahead and beat all your swords into ploughshares, hope that's okay.

Imp King, 20 years ago: When you are in dire need, simply rub this charm and we will be there. Me, now, rubbing the charm as torture demons close in: (A blue portal appears from which the Imp King and his entourage emerge carrying folding chairs and sacks of popcorn.)

10 foot tall ethereal being addressing crowd: For your kingdom's transgressions you will be forever cut off from the source of magic. Your land will be cursed with darkness. me to the little goblin next to me: So what's your deal? I see you around all the time but we never talk. goblin: Bletch!

A renowned healer told me that I'm operating at -3 Vigor because of my bad attitude. But he did concede that my views are well-reasoned.

I grew up in the bone biome. Let me do the talking here.

Got laughed out of the skeleton tavern. Bartender said come back when you've lost the skinsuit and everyone started clattering mirthfully. That's fine, I didn't want to wade through all the beer on the floor anyway.

I detest the handsome cup bearer. His pouring motion is so contrived

Flirty skeleton friend keeps "jokingly" asking to peel my skin off. "I can tell you have amazing bones under that meat. Haha."

Please don't upgrade me from spearman to pikeman. I'm happy the way that I am.

A local delicacy, you say? Sounds interesting — sure, let me try a "food ration."

I've lived my whole life in lava tube 7 and worked my whole life in regolith processing and I am ecstatic to have won sortition for early reclamation. praise the colony!

Didn't notice any miners in the flooded mine, but there's about fifty dead dwarves and gnomes bobbing around down there.

I saw you rendered perfectly in a codex as an example of middling provincial bureaucrat 🤣

me: hey is this the mouse temple? i'm here to worship the mouse god snake temple guard: buddy you are lost