when I learn something its like damn . I did not know that

it’s annoying when babies scream i wish they could be sent to baby prison

telling the customer pleese dont hurt me ill do whatever you want as soon as they get to the till

drinking tea that is mostly coffee creamer

Developing a crush on your username and password

brandishing is literally sooooo important

I have a home school personality and a public school bank account

Let's start eating each other

date: so did you grow up around here? me: i actually think god is a woman

bouncing, full of sound and fury, signifying nothing on it

asking my boss if i am allowed to do sexual coercion now that i have been promoted

20 philosophers vs 1 priest of Ra

farting in the elevator then blaming it on an electrical fire

(texting my boss) i saw buddha walking by the side of the road and killed him boss: start time is still 7am

It's rot from the inside out Tuesday

object permanence subscription plan

they should make a pee hole that you can aim

when I was very young I wanted to become a battle droid

starting a post with "all the other mollusks on the sea floor make fun of me" and hitting discard because what am i saying man

OOTD teaser for tomorrow

The Baby Philosopher: There are shapes everywhere for those with the eyes to see them.

got fired from my job as The Observer for peering too hard and seeing too deeply

(looking around your sex dungeon) so….. these objects are of great utility to you?

pulling on a push door so hard my arm explodes ghost in the shell style

no not recently

sorry i'm all covered in shit i fell in a big pile of shit on my way over here and also i forgot to bring your book

seeing the estimated hike time and smirking, cute. no match for my alpha stamina and speed.

Due to the fertilizer shortage I’ll be filling my box truck up with normal bombs

americans love to namedrop brands and companies

people often ask me "why are you doing this to me?" i don't know why and i'm not interested in finding out

better to cum in the sink, than to sink in the cum

out here its pee or be peed

imagining a world in which i have time for a brief survey

haha hope i don’t get hit in the head by a two by four

we need to do a #resource #extraction for the goop coming out of cats' and dogs' eyes

woke up 🤮

are u guys mad or smiling

business buying a big ugly faux neon sign to let white people know it's safe to come in

tomorrow i will be a new person

I want to be sooo sadistic but sadly I've got this big ol' bitch of a heart

theyre calling it sliced and unty now

another Signalis playthrough will will fix me

[on the verge of tears] bro where the milfs at

ohhhhhh I am BROKE :)

I’m a quarter Glonk on my mother’s side

if your OC has too much fuckin shit on it I will have a migraine and fall down

friends can make out it’s literally not a big deal

is there a dog version of ketamine