join me as I pilot the moon into england

seriously? downvoted for breaching death's porous border?

no one really understands how badly i need a chocolate chip biscuit

white folx will look you dead in the eyes and ask if you’ve ever tried angel meat

The state of dew releases

okay I’ll bite… who’s mad at me

some of you should be in bed dreaming peacefully

your curse has been lifted bro this ones on me

I'm red because I can't be placed there

holy ghost == poster's madness == the eternal dao you getting all this siri

the worst feeling in the world is when your chosen higher power tells you to post better. shut up man im busy

Is this available?

grocery stores should use bouncers that only let the most food-focused shoppers inside

if you want to hang out with the big dogs you gotta learn how to play toys

I will NEVER mind my own business. I am looking and I want to KNOW

You (a simpleton): I love “twinkle twinkle little star” Me (a gourmand): I love the rice cooker song

today we are all evil old men ✊😔

Pantone doing birth chart colours is a great pivot from choosing klansman white as the colour of the year

you versus me

date idea: you go mine in minecraft while i make us a pretty house

please show respect for the dead body of someone who didn’t respect your alive body

need a forehead kiss to survive

Lets get together and hang out sloppy style

hiring an accountant to manage my $4 net worth

asking my probation officer to run away with me

okay do other skinny people know they give bad hugs? that shits like falling into a broom closet

please, “the girls” are my arms, my boobs are “the boys”

jerking off my imagination to completion (having an idea)

Very interesting yakubian skulls on display today

*sexily gets on a motorcycle only to crash into cars all the way down the street*

asking my clairvoyant dog if my crush and I are compatible but she says that requires a subscription plan

[To my guest in my room with no chairs] Stay. Sit anywhere

asking my doctor how many posts I should be making per day

The electrical pervert

disaster

no discounts for old men

The perfect show can only be watched if your tv has creature mode pre installed

when bro finds you rifling through their medical cabinet so you gotta come clean about your divine mission from God that requires you to eat as many vicodin tablets as possible so you can withstand the mind control your neighbor's cat is sending out via the 5G towers

sorry i was just thinking about my boobs

How do people get their tattoos to stay for years? Mine wash off after a few baths

Before i post, i have to think about my entire life

5 emails away from being able to parry the attack my manager does after the red icon appears over his head

Alas, poor Yorick (46M)! I (35M) knew him, Horatio (32M)

causing drama by pitting your balls against each other

Nipples really are the boobs of the boobs

fucking idiot fucking asshole (fifa)

I love when my phone screen touches one (1) water molecule then tries to frame me for social suicide

when people ask me for arm workout tips I just tell them to push your boobs together a million times (do not do this at the gym)