you will be at a festival and candy flip with this girl you just met and ask her what she does for work and she will say she works as a banking exec and is a mother of 4 and then you will watch her transform into the most devious gremlin imaginable

i only candy flipped one legitly with mushrooms and kind of a second time with kay, i could not fucking imagine doing it with lsd i would literally have become the joker insane

does anyone wanna candyflip and roll so hard you literally tune into a different frequency of reality. but also you wind up vomiting a lil

we all got that one homie that be Covetous and dripping with Envy

The Covetous Countess has arrived and wants to know where you got that top

when i hit rock bottom i was reading 4-5 email newsletters a day

guys let's keep naming bad things! Spiders for underpants. No soup in soup aisle. Grandma wingering wet kiss. Spiders for hair. Wife's boyfriend wins. God learns what a "Philadelphia Sidecar" is. Spiders for underpants but they can talk and insult your genitals

Grub hub canceled your order. Invisibility potion falls on beautiful flower. Parrot learns slur. A planet made of poop. My tube is completely unusable. A baby with wisdom grows up to be stupid. That 70s show reboot. Grub hub replaces order with deadly worms.

I just gotta get through today. just gotta get through today. just gotta get through today almost there

[ruins life] guess i'll go get coffee

the chismosa virus is real and should be taken very seriously before Hell freezes over and the gossipers return back to the land of the living to talk about how ridiculous Satan looks in his little hat

i spent most of yesterday being a gossiping harpy and now i feel weird today

today doesn't feel very good. not even a Lembian could fix this :/

hey, not the op here but i can answer your question. i dont know

just made myself grilled salmon tacos with cilantro lime rice :,) was so good i almost cried

dont eatpost where you shitpost

i don't normally horny post on Bluesky.com because you shouldn't eat where you shit

it's kind of fun to feel like "damn even the sluts think I'm kind of a huge slut," it's validating

i was judged for being such a slut today by a fellow slut. it's your own people every time 😔💔

on Bluesky.com I play the character known as "penny" who is gay and annoying, while the real life Penny is gay and annoying. the difference is subtle but,

not too get too "real" on this app and break character but, it's like hot outside

sending my tweet to my buddy with 12 followers like "gas this"

my first word as a baby was "dirt" and my mom got so mad she cried and my dad got mad he wouldn't win the bet he placed on "dad" and he did try to coax me into saying dad thinking dirt was close but i just looked him in the eye and pointed to the ground, "Dirttt!"

Bro, you GOTTA get in on this dirt right here, it's got some bits of clay and shit. om yummy

I used to have a speech impediment so bad I couldn't even say my own name and i spoke my own made up language and i cried at the first sign of anyone being irritated at me and i ate dirt a lot. there's no joke here this is just what happened

if life gives you Lembians- Cherish them. Hold them tightly. Love them and let them know it. Nothing lasts forever, so enjoy your connection. Also they're sour a little bit but just add more sugar

Every Villain is Lesbians

I wrote the word "Lembian" in my drafts weeks ago with the assumption, "yeah, I'll figure out a way to make that funny soon. Totally"

sorry guys i got lemons on my mind. Lemons that are Beautiful Women

Lembonade. Lesbian Lemon Lemonade

when a lemon is a lesbian. well, you gotta make Gay Lemonade

lembian. a Lemon that's a Lesbian. Lembian

today we are having FUN

i should go to bed, but Elden Ring,

guys let's have a movie night everyone come over to my house at 8 to watch HOT ROD

going through a lot of little notes and random thoughts i wrote myself over the last 3 years. i was NOT doing okay like two years ago ahaha

Crystal Castles (II) time

men are trying to talk to me on the bus oh no

let's all ride the bus as the wheels go round and round

i just got a sick tattoo booked so it can't be all bad. life is about booking sick tattoo appointments

everything is irritating me i feel so frustrated . pic unrelated

Hi, I'm calling because a "Mr. Pussyhat" called and left a message asking for me to call him back? No, I don't know what it was in regards to- No, Mr. Pussyhat did not leave a confirmation number, just a message poorly written with this number and extension- No, Mr. Pussyhat did not leave a Case #-

"Nob" is now the official shorthand word for Non-Binary. I think it works

i feel like non-binary would catch on if we had a single syllable word for it, like gay or bi. enby was attempted but it is still two syllables and people acted like it was a hate crime to be called that. I vote the word to be "No"

taking in all the wonderful and various colorful odors on the bus today

if you come out as non-binary at school now they just give you a little propeller hat and ask you to hold your pee until you get home

whoever you are that is running ihatepeny.com and affiliated ihatepeny websites, I just have one question for you; who hurt you? Oh, you mean I hurt you and I just don't remember?! Well, you're gonna have to be a lot more specific because I hurt LOTS of people

Should I get a coffee and doughnut before work today? Vote Below! [99%] Yes ✅🟦🟦🟦🟦🟦🟦 [1.0%] No | 💬1 🔁6,833 🩶6.2M 📁⤴️••• [1 Reply] 😡 I Hate Penny @ihatepeny.com 15m wow, okay fatso. that's stupid. Coffee AND a doenut ? this is why no one loves you. Ha, classic ihatepeny.com own. Wasted