kesha is the toby fox of pop music like if you agree

ohhhh, yeah, sorry. when i said i wanted to show you a "dog eating pumpkin", i meant a pumpkin that eats dogs, not like, a cute video of a dog eating a pumpkin :/ my bad yo, i shouldve been clearer. ill get you a new dog tho ok? so we cool or...?

justice league

[girl named malfunction] im actually double majoring in economics and journalism, thanks for asking!

these guys are so stupid

[girl named malfunction] im actually double majoring in economics and journalism, thanks for asking!

guys when we lock in and eat enough fiber in our diets we protect ourselves against colon cancer while also making butt stuff easier and more enjoyable follow for more tips

im addicted to subway takes. its like bluesky but funny

be honest fam would an undertale wedding be cheugy

americas decline started with the bankruptcy of izzys

was this a look or nah

i like movies about people committing crimes but the crimes they commit are robbery and fraud and embezzlement. other crimes are scary to me

guys lets cuddle and watch a movie and snack on tempura veggies

they just made it legal to hate me but you have to pay me $5

bad day today lets take it out on punching bags about it together

god i hate yappy coworkers

actually the correct term is "differently-bordered combustion residue"

so many positive responses. really happy all of you love this game as much as i do!

lets all play a little game i like to call "scream in agony for eternity"

girls will be like “i know a place” and meet you here

you know what i dont have to listen to you, i have little starface pimple patches on my face which makes me too cute and whimsical to care

pet peeve of mine but degrowth is a specific political philosophy that has to do with carefully managing production and consumption. its completely unrelated to nimbyism, nimbys just use degrowth language to peddle their reactionary bullshit. bothers me when people get this wrong

i have to take an extra class for my certificate course which i wasnt rly expecting which is a huge bummer but its ok i will live

[pokemon rant sorry] i rly dont like when people say vgc doubles is the superior format because doubles has more "skill expression" due to how many choices can possibly be made. like sorry but there is a point where the amount of choices you can make undermines skill

its 59 degrees today and we got thunderstorms last night but sorry to the rest of you ig

i hate deep booming voices... its too loud and makes my head hurt. everyone should have light airy voices and also speak quietly

every time i wear heels to work i have to sprint to catch the bus. its like a curse for being to cunty

i wouldve made a great 1930s schoolteacher. stalking the rows of desks, going "sh!" and smacking students w a yardstick for fidgeting too much

i cant remember who told me about the eyedrop in the corner of your eye trick but whoever they are i hope they have a long and prosperous life

guys lets listen to hannah by the age of rockets

Someone just sent me this photo from Chicago, unbelieveable

[cop who just transferred to the big city] jesus frank, who the hell are we dealing with here? some kinda pro? [grizzled detective whos been on the force for decades] lollipop... propeller hat... yo-yo... not a pro, kid. this is playtime special forces

let’s never sleep ever

[cop who just transferred to the big city] jesus frank, who the hell are we dealing with here? some kinda pro? [grizzled detective whos been on the force for decades] lollipop... propeller hat... yo-yo... not a pro, kid. this is playtime special forces

coming up with new and fancier words

vampires fly over the night sky it's crazy

tonight 🕕 will be the night 🌃 that i will fall 🧎🏻‍♀️ for you 🫵 all over again 🔁 dont make me 👿 change 😳 my mind 🧠 cuz i wont 🙅🏻‍♀️ live 💔 to see 👓 another day 🌅 i swear 🫰 its true 🫶 cuz a girl 💃 like you 🫵 is impossible 🙂‍↔️ to find 🫣

postmarital and a gluten free snack anyone else saying this

one day we will all be 40 years old posting on the internet. some of us may even be doing that right now

sending my tweet to my buddy with 12 followers like "gas this"

I’m warning you guys about causing me to have to deal with any bull crap. Bad idea.

lately I have been fantasizing about being trapped in an electrified grid

kick rocks in a gleeful and joyous fashion

keep talking the hell up. play safely out of traffic

go love yourself, cutiehead. take a short walk on a long pier

its so funny when ppl demand fealty on websites. like girl i feel you that you hate poopshitter9000 but i think shes hilarious and will not be unfollowing. still love you too tho, furrypussy

we should pay police officers minimum wage and give them little ipads to ask for tips

the world is your vampire bro

uh, ground control to major DONG lmao