bog landlord
@pondslurp.bsky.social
📤 105
📥 86
📝 347
i need to call in a favor
pinned post!
ive been rendering all kinds of shit unto caesar lately
3 months ago
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washing my hands before the shower to save time
3 days ago
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6
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i saw santa live in dallas and he karate kicked one of the reindeer off the stage
4 days ago
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5
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im eating breakfasts you wouldnt even eat for lunch
5 days ago
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9
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bog bodies are pathetic. getting trapped in a bog is the easiest thing in the world
5 days ago
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27
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RIVAL TURNED ALLY: i see you've lowered your guard. i don't take your trust lightly. ME: (always this defenseless) few have earned it.
5 days ago
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23
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every squad has the oblivious homie. except mine i guess
6 days ago
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losing an arm five minutes into my first shift
6 days ago
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6
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let something me dismay again
6 days ago
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4
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sitting on the front ponch
7 days ago
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6
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im banking on being too small to fail
7 days ago
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2
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tearfully asking the dollar tree cashier if i can buy the ocean fresh handsoap for soft and gentle hands even though my hands are rough and weathered
8 days ago
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27
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weaving sigournily
10 days ago
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14
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bidet makes me feel like star treck
11 days ago
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reposted by
bog landlord
little lamb
12 days ago
Being a liar is more important to me than profiting from my lies
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i dont snore. every single person in my entire life has lied to me about this
12 days ago
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7
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wandering in the desert for 40 years on my lunch break
12 days ago
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9
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reposted by
bog landlord
Crab Man
15 days ago
Me: I'm going to fucking kill the grinch. Gf: Calm down, wait for the end of the movie. Me: I've seen enough. Hey Alexa, where is Whoville? Alexa: Bugonia is available for rent on Amazon Prime Video. Me: Alexa, order me a plane ticket to the Amazon rainforest. One way.
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ill try the bear trap first to make sure its safe
15 days ago
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6
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there are no stupid questions, just stupid prizes. i dont know. i havent paid attention to a single thing in my life ever
17 days ago
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4
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reposted by
bog landlord
a strong gust wind just blew me away. oh who am i kidding. the gust was feeble
about 1 year ago
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your most hated loser's most hated loser
17 days ago
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7
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im assuming that by "grandsons" you mistyped "grandsona" and im also assuming thats a sex thing
18 days ago
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5
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ohhh i get it. i need to have done everything in my life completely different
18 days ago
0
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reposted by
bog landlord
Gupp
18 days ago
they feed us poison so we buy they cure luckily i love poison it taste good to me
3
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like toupees in a pod
18 days ago
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8
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grinched to the fucking gills man. i think. i dont really know what that means
21 days ago
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my dog removed one of his ribs so he could catch his own tail
24 days ago
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5
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doctor said im at serious risk of developing feminine emotions. okay hes not technically a doctor
24 days ago
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3
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its my contention that this five dollar gift is spiritually worth twenty dollars
26 days ago
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5
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its hard to brag about growing more powerful because you have to admit you were weaker before
27 days ago
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PROSECUTOR: you consider this a six-bite apple? ME: i take large bites sir JUDGE: this is a reminder that you're under oath
27 days ago
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64
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dont shit where you eat. i was planning to shit there later
28 days ago
0
5
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reposted by
bog landlord
Nurbsy
28 days ago
Doing a ninja flip of incredible power
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27
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whats popping mamacita. sorry. im being too forward. how are you mamacita
28 days ago
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20
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they should add a laser beam to the kitchen sink so you can vaporize people
29 days ago
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money moves (downward, into the toilet, etc)
30 days ago
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5
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my name is young stellar object
30 days ago
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when i was a kid all i wanted was to be bald and six feet tall. now all i want is 500 thousand million dollars
about 1 month ago
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9
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reposted by
bog landlord
little lamb
about 1 month ago
(Chef having sex) behind. Right here. Inside.
9
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actually by ignoring me and forgetting about our tedious argument youve fallen right in to my trap...
about 1 month ago
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6
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using the pomodoro method to spend time with my kids
about 1 month ago
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6
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do you actually miss college or do you just miss not being pursued by my hounds
about 1 month ago
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8
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dont suffer in silence. i love to hear my enemies suffer
about 1 month ago
0
9
1
reposted by
bog landlord
meek
about 1 month ago
Memorizing all the eye spy answers and pointing them out immediately during one on one time with my esl 2nd grader. After 7 pages of straight Ls he started crying, begging me to let him have a turn but I told him it's an effort thing
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dont tell me to live mas. im living more mas than you could possibly want or need
about 1 month ago
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if you havent loaned me $500 by the time youre 25 then you have no heart. if you havent realized youre never getting that back by the time youre 35 then you have no brain
about 1 month ago
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5
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theyre gonna try to upsell you on the insult. you dont need all that. injurys plenty
about 1 month ago
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4
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the herald angels are a distraction. keep harking king herod
about 1 month ago
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10
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my grass is so green it scares me
about 1 month ago
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8
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got caught smuggling leaf litter into the movie
about 1 month ago
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