Some man told me he was “Retired AF” and I was like, damn, bro is hella retired, but then he was like no, retired Air Force and I was like, what’s that?

ham egg and cheese pretzel bagel sandwich 😇 🥪 🍽️ #snackscult

This was what all comedy looked like for at least 18 months after 9/11

every time this comes across the skyline i cackle for three straight minutes

Brazil are washed dawg

Kirk's results at the kobayashi maru test probably should've been inadmissable

put a lil ice in the bong you earned it queen

we’re synchronizing microbiomes player

bro ur microbiome shows that you love me what's that all about ?

chillin with the homies

I will shit myself if norway wins this

Not gonna lie kitten the crushing weight of alienation and loneliness is getting to Mommy a little

Chewy makes sure you get your money's worth when you order kittens. Look at this packing job.

friend sent me this with no context

no im not "prediabetic" i'm just queering taco bell

Girl who melts in your mouth

Steely Dad

“can a white boy get a little motion” no white boy. white boy you’ve already redeemed all of your motion tokens for the month. please wait until the next stipend arrives before redeeming further motion, white boy

r/FirstResponderCringe is really good

one in the goo, two in the blue

tony soprano lived an incredible life where he could have leftover ziti whenever he wanted

I am super gay and I love butts and i smell butts gay style like a butt.

Being submerged in a glass tank of sci-fi healing goo must feel good af. It's like being back in the womb, but not inside a woman, because I'm afraid of them.

I am a mighty shark, and all my followers are those little fish clinging to my hide. Sup upon mine detritus little creatures.

Kentucky is such a fucky wucky name

t4t means tit for tat

England is insane.

Don’t fuck me, I’ll cum

You probably can't guess who this is about

I piss like a racehorse and have a big cock like one too

this is honestly such a funny to say in a reply to someone else's post

milk, milk, lemonade, round the cor-ner, fudge is ma-ade, milk, milk, lemonade, round the corner: fudge

Wtf the CIA named their base of operations after asuka evangelion?

The princess and the peanits

Source: zipkey.crunchy (instagram, 2022)

guys what if we started putting text over image files. it'd be like a fast little comic strip. like a new type of comic strip for the internet. i just invented this.

hey bro, mind if I lick the inside of your airpods case real quick?

Sir, this is a Wendy’s…

Wish I was shooting my white fireworks all over your hot naked body or shooting them deep inside you 😈😜

saw an article that was like “if your soda tastes like this discard it immediately” and nowhere in the document did the words “dog cum” appear so guess whos playing a prank at the cookout today

Call me mr hands the way im helping out in the kitchen