In 2004 I accidentally swallowed my gfs tongue piercing and only just remembered. I hope it went somewhere good because I never saw it again. Probably fine, like eating shot in a cooked pheasant

Dungeons & Dragons in da bungalow

getting arrested for pronouncing it Bur-Gerking

is that Trump slag still knocking about?

happy new ear

my wife: why can't we have a normal conversation me: ...b ... Barry and the Benderson's

damn, they really want me to move from Klaviyo and start using Spoks!

🚨🐛This is not a drill! 🐛🚨 Imago Season is OUT NOW!! Get ready to explore an alien city, roll dice, make impactful choices and most importantly, become a bug! 🐜 s.team/a/4207140/

I just found this strong independent woman hanging out in my bathroom. "Ma'am."

Americans are going to shops called Bloppigans or Wet Mart

Playtesting last night! Someone made it to the end of the arguably lengthy first section of the game! #GameDev store.steampowered.com/app/4592350/...

We also chose to have Boris Johnson as Prime Minister because he would hiss on camera because he was not a nice guy.

If you didn't know this already have a fact to brighten your day. This is my cat Boris when he played Jones in Aliens. He was picked because he would hiss on camera because he was not a nice guy.

made a little sheath for my skiving blade. I think it's neat!

[after cumming loudly in a diner] "I'll have what I'M having."

Here's a few of our veg beds. You can't live OFF it, but ya can live IN it!* *If you are a worm

I swear you won't be able to guess how tall this leek is

how did they decide on the first animal to go to space? What if they decided on Horse? It would be chaos but imagine the historical impact and what we would have learned (nothing)

Painting Zucks megayacht on Lake Union last night 🔥

I love pudding!* *pudding my dick in the electrical sockets at Home Depot

[Being introduced to someone at a party] "have you met-" "-helLO! . I'VE NEVER POOED"

i saw a bug

"I asked an AI..."- WELL DON'T! Even a gotcha is still using AI! Oh, it does't know how many letters are in fart? WOW! You sure showed that application! Gotchas is how you create centrists, and empower fascists! I'm pissed!

I genuinely think the Clair Obscur soundtrack was based around this track. I'm picking up bits n pieces, the odd leitmotif, and some of the cues I heard while playing the game... It's very lush. www.youtube.com/watch?v=58Bg...

www.youtube.com/shorts/P1Nyf... guys please listen to these DJ sets...

always humiliating taking the last snack from a bowl at a party "hang on a minute from this chat. ouhhhh my tummy! im hungry, im haveing ,The Scraps...."

another day online, another day of becoming increasingly annoyed at something like finding out millions of Americans use a product called 'Soup Sauce'

they need to get rid of computer

collect them all! (threat)

tempted to buy a new game but I can't decide between Directive BOZO and SNROS

yall wanna see some Nude Wood

working on alternatives to 'turn that frown upside down': Turn that mouth north not south Turn that hmph, into smph!(thing else) Turn that grr into a purr Turn your grumpy fucking face into a big shit eating grin, sorry you lost your job by the way Stop that sad from looking so bad!

Fun doctor fact: As a doctor, picturing the other patients naked doesn't work to alleviate stress as I can already see their, dick, pussy, butt hole etc... if you want to chill out during surgery just have a muffin or fig newton that you sneak into the operating theater

just overheard someone saying "the australian outback is like the wild west" and got metaphor whiplash

A nice thing about getting older is you can say, “boy i done seen some shit” and even if you if haven’t actually seen anything, people will mostly take your word for it

oh you're using Claude? I wish you'd get Claude to death lol

if I was in Team Rocket I'd say something like "Am I in a loud bar because someone's accidentally ordered a Dork and Starmie" and then some sort of bug Pokemon would burrow into my brain, killing me instantly.

flossing with your morgellons

they should invent the opposite of a bowl for when you want to serve food but want to get it all over the place

Columbo is always solving murders but you never see his less dramatic mysteries like why is the Car Smelly?

love to see this when you've just ordered a £500 home appliance. Fills me with confidence.

yet another day I wake up have to Google 'what did he do now'

My feed: they invented yogurt 2! Me: (didn't get into original yogurt) uughhHHHH

If I was stuck on a desert island with no food I would simply bonk my head and catch the cartoon birds that circle the injury

should i make this game

What is a mustelid's favourite wine? Weasling. sorry this doesn't work written down, and even sounded out loud it's rough. Have a great Thursday folks!

Optimus prime shitting himself mid transform into a car: "fuck, FUCK"

cargo hold? You mean the brake pedal?