Ok. They’ve pissed me off. I’m back to tell you 3 things about ID cards: 1. Migrants ALREADY HAVE biometric ID cards & govts have been trying to digitise them for years w repeated fuckups & failures causing complete chaos - they don’t work, you do not want that system for you.

Oh sure, why not, hey, next let’s put a cat in charge of the mouse disco. www.theguardian.com/world/2025/s...

The far-right reactionary guide to what is and isn’t hate speech: Not hate speech: Everything the US government and all its supporters say. Hate speech: Suggesting that what the government is saying and doing is fucked up.

A very big Onion announcement: The Onion has spent the last two months working on a masterpiece. It's a documentary titled Jeffrey Epstein: Bad Pedophile. It's so good, in fact, we were set to release it in theatres nationwide on October 2nd. Then two weeks ago, Charlie Kirk was shot.

Everyone: What's government doing about the cost of living crisis, the climate crisis, and the unfolding genocide in Gaza? Labour: "We will mandate people carry Brit cards". This government's priorities are painfully out of touch and increasingly authoritarian.

Nepo baby discourse isn’t invalid but some of you would be folding your arms and tutting when Liza Minnelli won her Oscar for Cabaret.

The moment we have these ID cards in our hands Tony Blair will smile the first genuine smile of his life and pass away.

If a government tells you that you can’t call it authoritarian, it’s authoritarian.

🚨BREAKING🚨 When he saw the Andy Burnham headings today Luke Akehurst got instant rage-diarrhoea and his office has been made a no-go zone for the next fifty years like Chernobyl.

Woke up so sad coz I made the mistake of watching a YouTube essay about how Asafa Powell always choked at championships despite being the fastest man in the world. Fell asleep thinking about how shit he must feel.

maybe i WILL save you you don’t know

Teach users what a joke is.

Burnham: MPs want me to challenge PM. The Labour right didn't spend years ruthlessly attacking & undermining their own party & ushering in Boris Johnson & hard brexit, all in order to regain control of the party, just to hand it over to Andy Burnham. #GMB

It's the neoliberal mindset, the system is fine and doesn't need changing, it just needs the right person in charge.

Unfortunately there isn't a way of making people realise that One Guy isn't going to fix shit. Andy Burnham is a great communicator, vastly preferable to Starmer. But I witnessed the same people saying "YAY ANDY WILL SAVE US" announce that Rishi Sunak was going to be "a safe pair of hands for now"

hate to say i told you so share.google/4FfpeWYJ8kEF...

"So you see, while they're all suffering from headaches that they can no longer cure they'll forget aaaaaallllllll about those wretched Epstein Files!"

hahahaha I love that this ghoul was saying this AT A MEMORIAL OF HIS FRIEND

Extremely funny things are happening www.motherjones.com/politics/202...

you literally called Trump the second coming of Hitler

Sorry that I got drunk at the BBQ and spent 45 minutes tearfully explaining the plot of The Lives of Others to your dad.

Shhh let them cook

Cool this is amazing the guy is FINALLY polling at net 1%, the most popular he’s ever been. 1%. Nobody cares about Charlie Kirk. Trump certainly doesn’t.

Happy 26th to Spaced! I loved it so much I wrote my dissertation on it in 2006. Title was: Why do sitcom-based films fail so often and this be linked to the many ways intertextuality can be defined? Replies off coz men still exist on the internet.

Migrants to the UK tend to really LOVE this country. My aunt married my uncle in 1992 and she had to learn English, she’s been treated horribly coz she’s not white, she’s worked for decades in care for shite money and she STILL chooses to stay here and loves it.

Oh shit how is Mamdani going to defeat THIS?!

As Henry points out,a long piece about free speech in the UK that doesn’t mention the many, many people arrested for supporting Palestine Action and is entirely framed in right-wing talking points is a dereliction of journalism.

I like the bit in A Streetcar Named Desire where Blanche Dubois's admirer is appalled to discover she's 30 EW GROSS!

The guy who lost control of our group on the year 8 trip to the outdoor activities centre in Brittany coz he couldn't stop us trying to shove each other in the big pond when we were meant to be learning orienteering so he said "I've had 8 year olds who behave better than you". Oo you're 'ard.

I doubt this is what you're looking for as it's not a graphic, but when it comes to Reply Guys, it's the most crushing and authoritative breakdown I've seen (a legacy repost from Old Twitter). bsky.app/profile/sooz...

The right (and centre, obvs) is shitting itself over Mamdani because they've found an election they can't fix against the left. They tried everything, he's still winning. So the last desperate thing they're doing is using Sadiq Khan as a cautionary tale coz: both Muslim. Lol. London's great though.

It’s grimly hilarious seeing people say “we have to stop Trump!” lol ok go on then m8

Suicidal Energy Ideas is the title of my next Edinburgh show.

Haha fuck yeah fucking yes I’ve been raptured this is so great Twitter is like it was 2017-2022 up here i.e extremely angry and horrible but your posts actually get seen and Elon Musk doesn’t show up in your feed every half an hour.

in 2016 during his election campaign he was asked about us using women's toilets and he basically said the fuss over it was stupid. he even went so far as to say segregating us would amount to discrimination. don't worry tho @bphillipsonmp.bsky.social is a 'centrist' and labour are grown-ups.

Once again, Labour needs to do tons of hard work to even be seen as an ally in this fight, never mind presuming to lead it, but I expect a massive apology will be forthcoming, as well as a promise to defer to those who’ve been on the frontline from the beginning, so that will be a start, won’t it

Donald Trump bragged about the COVID vaccine being so good and he invented it and he administered it personally until he got booed for it at some rallies. Mf is fully vaccinated, all his kids are and he’d scoff down ten more like the Cookie Monster if they were available.

I'm too busy to dress up as Liza and deliver this, I'm working 8-8 every day this week. But if we were locked down in a pandemic I would Liza the fuck out of this.

"I'm cancelling your show ... for a week!"

Pregnant far-right women tonight with mad headaches owwww

So Jimmy Kimmel's back tomorrow night. I hope he doesn't even offer the ghost of an apology. Go harder, Jimmy. Drag em to hell.

Things RFK says cause autism: ✅ vaccines ✅ paracetamol ✅ sticklebricks ✅ lloyd grossman's puttanesca sauce ✅ that hair gel you used to be able to get down the newsagent for 59p ✅ jennicam ✅ the turbografx-16

This is like a major media organisation contacting the bloke down your street who lives with fifty ferrets in the house his mother was born in to ask him about the state of the NHS. Wow, can’t believe he rambled some absolute nonsense that was also a bit scary.

So much this. The reliance on the public being passive while some single, well-meaning person in power being the one who can swoop in and reverse Uno all the bad shit is part of the path which led us to here. The landscape is too broken and distorted for that to be any sort of plausible reality.

It’s so funny to read this sentence and then see some pundit op ed guy be like “what happened to the left?”

A few people I’ve spoken to (in real life, can you even?!) have said, understandably, that they “can’t wait for things to eventually just get back to normal”. The problem is…Britain currently has the “normal”they’re talking about. The US got “back to normal” in November 2020.

Sorry communists but we’re blaming you for this as well lol

Yesterday I said “ok next stop sending them arms” and some centrists told me I’d never be satisfied. Cooked m8.

A dude at Charlie Kirk’s memorial rally said “god saved Donald Trump from an assassin’s bullet”. Wow, sick burn on Charlie hahaha.