About ten years ago I was standing outside the Old Vic Theatre waiting to go in and see King Lear. It was rush hour, bustling streets. I suddenly noticed my good friend Matthew on his bike at the red light. I hilariously jumped in front of him and went "MAAAATTTHHHEEEWWWWW!!!!" It wasn't Matthew.

When I was a kid I was deeply disappointed one Christmas to not receive Nickelodeon's Gak. Later I discovered that although it seemed fun, vibrant, exciting initially it soon became a filthy repulsive mess. Very much 1993's Twitter.

Elon's Nazi salutes were THIS YEAR.

pour one out to an icon www.bbc.co.uk/news/article...

WELL WELL WELL, my big fundraiser gig is in ONE MONTH! For just a tenner you can hang out with me in my FAVOURITE London venue while I churn out bangers on a Friday night. TICKETS: www.vauxhalltavern.com/events/event... Here, have a little pre-Wicked Stephen Schwartz greatness while you book.

Sorry to be the most fun person ever but I am really in to the family trees of dressage horses. Every dressage horse can be traced back to one of three racehorses that were brought to Britain at the end of the 17th century and I like seeing which of the three each horse comes fr-SPANKER!??!?!

Seven years ago today I saw Dave Benson Phillips in panto. At the end of the show he, sweating like crazy, said, "please, if you can, please put photos of me on social media, tell people you've seen the show so that I can prove to everyone that I'm not dead". It wasn't ironic.

Doctor: “You have one hour to live” Me: *turns on Sonic 2* Doctor: “But-“ God: “It’s OK”

Sharp-eyed readers may note the overlaps between “gender ideology is a leftist plot to deprave the youth and molest our womenfolk”; “human rights are a Soviet/Islamist plot to sap our martial will to dominate and destroy our enemies”, and “the volk are threatened by the taint of the lesser races”.

This is true and I was the only one on set excited about it (and playing the song on my phone to blank stares)

They need to release The Pitt in the UK so I can talk about it with people coz I got it through....other means. Anyway, it's amazing.

Somehow we’ve ended up in a position where the richest most powerful people in the world are innocent benevolent bystanders while a college professor with no tenure is part of a decadent and corrupt establishment that controls everything

One year since I had to restrict replies coz Canadians were in my replies calling me a lying piece of shit. Over this. OVER THIS.

Bibi looking at him like "yeah I know about bombing civilians and not giving a shit about it too"

It's happening again.

THIS IS SO FUCKEN PUNK IT RULES

Elon's Nazi salutes were THIS YEAR.

This is funny because nowhere in here does she admit that she's wrong about the antisemitism, transphobia, or any of her other bigotries

😍 Big welcomes to our first Patreons! 😍 If you fancy listening to a pod made by a long distance comedian couple you can dive right in with our @zafarcakes.bsky.social episode featuring a not-deep-enough-dive in to The Whale. Listen with your ears: longdistancebitweird.podbean.com/e/e03-britis...

Is it still necessary to point out that “human rights are a Soviet plot to use the inferior races to undermine and destroy white civilisation” is literal Mein Kampf stuff, by the way? I would like to think people can spot Nazi ideas when they see them, but it’s hard to be confident any more.

I watched South Park The Movie last week for the first time in about 20 years and it REALLY holds up as a satire on how Trump's regime is treating minorities considering it was made during the Clinton administration, weird that!

My Christmas gift - panto for FREE 🌟♥️🌟 10 yrs ago I made Panto! for BBCStoryville. A feature doc about an am-dram group staging a panto - Puss in Boots at the Nottingham Arts Theatre. A tiny budget, a punishing schedule & a ramshackle donkey costume are just some of the challenges they face

"Oh you hate Cards Against Humanity? Well it's not exactly for the EASILY OFFENDED" oh really coz when it comes out at a party and I go "I ain't playing that witless shit" OOOO THE OFFENCE! Calm down, dickheads, YOU didn't come up with anything in the game.

Was just thinking "we've eaten almost all the xmas food" and then I opened the freezer and BLAMMO there's some party food we got 10 days ago all ready to THWACK throw in the air fryer and enjoy KERBLAM OH YEAH

TWO DAYS UNTIL WE CAN SAY GOODBYE TO THIS CUNT OF A YEAR. Join me for a 1000% free night in. We're talking cocktails, good outfit, a QUIZ and I will tell you the story of the worst NYE gig I've ever had: the time I got booked by the freemasons. 9pm GMT.

The last few days did not move the main story forward AT ALL. It's just a guy eating little treats and doing nothing. And so many plot holes. He says, "no more little treats," and then he's eating another little treat in literally the next scene.

All the videos in my "reaction videos" folder.

Sloppo the Snowman, Smelled like a load of shit. He was made of crap, all the children gasped Coz he was 90 percent piss.

Mark my words: 2026 will be the year I join the cast of Shen Yun.

Come on, anonymous, publish unredacted Epstein ( except victims names) files.

I see the bullshit has now reached the “Mark and Jez threatening to have each other sectioned” stage

Another day at the office for Rog and Rich

Most people *in London* do not know where the Guardian office is, but most people in the world are able to parse what 'this restaurant is near the Guardian offices' without having visited the city in question, because they are not cognitively impaired.

nah i'll post as many things with replies off so i don't have to read shite patter as i like

Made French Toast but I didn't have any brioche so I used tiger loaf and I didn't have any cinnamon so I didn't use that and I didn't have any vanilla essence so I used franjelico and it was amazing cheers highly recommend.

Booked a dance class tomorrow with the teacher who last time taught us a routine to the uncensored version of Cardi B's Up. Thirty seconds in she went "OH GOD SORRY I DIDN'T REALISE" and I couldn't stop laughing for about ten minutes. Anyway, can't wait to see what happens tomorrow.

Fucken Pontius Pilate's been at it again, the cunt.

My favourite bit in Guys and Dolls is when the police are after Sky and they raid the house so Sarah takes his stash of cocaine and flushes it down the toilet and he finds out and goes, “That was all the money we had, Karen!”

Oh is Ricky Gervais telling us he's a hero for the working class? Hope he does some of his fab jokes where he just brags about how he's RICH, haterz. Nothing says "man of the people" like "whatever babe I'M RICH", cracking stuff from the not-at-all insecure man who dreams of being a respected comic.

So glad to see this written about. It takes 4 - 6 (or more!) human labor hours of editing, mixing and mastering to make a 90 minute conversation flow nicely and artfully. Video-forward shows tend to excise this process entirely and the resultant conversations flow and sound like shit as a result.

Sang Joni Mitchell's River last night on my Xmas Eve Livestream. I'm sitting with my XL Bully (White Phosphorous) and some Tim Horton's monstrosity where you put a breaded chicken fillet betwist two fckn donuts. Anyway, have a good one.

Whoa!

🚨It's BOXING DAY... @soozuk.bsky.social

interesting things going on at the klan site

We're still a good species. www.vice.com/en/article/t...

ChatGPT is basically just your mum's mate's husband at a BBQ. How do I know this? Because wayyyyy back when ChatGPT was still quite a novelty I typed in "how to make more money as a performer" and ChatGPT suggested looking in to: voiceover work. Hahahaha ok ChatGPT, I'll get right on that!

People who say "we've all just stopped LISTENING to each other" are always a maximum of eight minutes away from saying that the left wants to shut down free speech.

Graham Linehan on Christmas Day 2025. Genuinely.