had 3 pre-dinner beers before going to dinner with my wife and her family

my body is tired. how do i make it go zoom like it did when i was a lil lad?

she tossed me over the fence and took my cigarettes

beer lunch is having strictly beers for lunch, whereas a lunch beer is paired with a lunch meal. next question.

when it’s too late for a breakfast beer, but too early for a dinner beer, that’s the perfect time for, a Lunch Beer ™

do you guys see my vision

every time i see brit’s pfp i think she’s going skiing

put some respect on the national anthem, bro i swear to god i am so serious i will fucking cry and open fire if you don’t put yiur hand on your fuckig heart right now playboy

i’m farners biggest fan and he thanked me by getting a restraining order against me.

shawty commits a little perjury. so what

everyone log off i need to be alone right now

guys i just lost like 20 IQ points can someone help me find them? i’m getting dizzy.

why is the whole sheshed joke actually like a serious issue for some people?

i wasn't picking my nose bro i was pushing all that shit further up

hey guys! @quilling.dev is really funny. you should follow teq for funny posts.

I look exactly like my profile picture

“he’s a far left lunatic, he’s gonna destroy this beautiful country!!” he shouts at the tv, and it’s just some guy discussing how the age of consent should stay exactly where it is, or raised. “socialist pig!!” he shouts, shutting off the tv and throwing the remote at the dog.

old men will be like “that shit shouldn’t be on the radio, it’s dangerous for kids to listen to, it sends a bad message!” and it’s just a song about women feeling empowered

trying to describe an artists music style to my friend and i said “she definitely has pronouns, beautiful plants in her apartment, and smokes cigs while waiting for the bus”

do not come at me with facts, because i will beat you in an argument purely with tom foolery and bamboozling shenanigans, you idiot! you fool !!

logging on

who up good morning they beautiful hello

i am the lord of the garbage, the king of the trash

i was trying to search for a website that lets you add animated sparkles and stuff to images but the only search term i could think of was "vajazzle my pictures"

i’m just a #dude #eating #food for #dinner

pork chop, mashed potatoes, homemade mustard and onion gravy, with butternut squash, & brussel sprouts

Three Days Grace is gamer music

audge just put me on to Sir Chloe, dam this is lowkey fire

switching over from phone to computer. it is Gamer Time.

daaAAAMNNN I GOT SHOWER WATER IN MY SHOWER BEER 😭🍺🚿

vasectome?? vasectoyou pal 🫵

i feel like kamala with all these stinkers i keep ripping

it’s friday, that means shower beers ‼️

beer: cracked ✅ bottoms: upped ✅ feeling: good ✅ showered: ❌

as somebody from massachusetts. i fucking hate this post. i hate how true it is.

IT, IS TIME ‼️

i try so hard to post bad takes, but i never have any :/

Another masterstroke, sir

lemme get uhhhh mfing Howdy Neighbor !!

don't drink that, there was a fish in the percolator.

a beer for driving, i thought that was pretty clear

my wife is going out to dinner with her friends tonight, y’all know what that means; beers, gaming and loud music. this Friday is dedicated to guys being dudes.

Sure sex goes dummy, but have you ever tried going ham at the local market

i dont wanna frighten anyone but i do in fact have the friday sillies today

if a vampire attacks someone who is high, does the vampire get high or nah

showing up late to the boof party and everything has already been boofed, damn

“obligatory”? idk about that.

adopting a pet is always a good thing, but people who adopt retired police dogs are crazy to me, like you’re willingly adopting a 4-legged racist with teeth and bringing him into your home.