why does your brain think pushing on your face will fix a headache when it never does

i need a way to take my headache and give it to someone else

Every interview with a right-wing politician is like: "Mr. Hitler is adamant: If we sacrifice enough children, Santa Claus will come back and deliver 5% GDP growth. But I have to ask him: Do you ever worry that your relentless advocacy for working folks offends the rootless cosmopolitan parasites?"

oh no! $140 million!!!! twitter cant survive that!!!!!!!

forget cars good lord

too many of you have said too much about cat pussy i am deactivating

damn girl you so pretty you make me think im wearing upside down glasses all the time

BREAKING: @emilia.beer just now: "I fucked my cat and im proud"

whenever you see me make a really fucked up post just know this is exactly how i feel

woke be damned these nonbinary cookies are smacking

oughghghghg you're making my ego soo big.....

made a joke and nobody in the VC even laughed they were just disgusted

call me a motorcycle the way you can ride me as a midlife crisis

What the fuck when did they start asking good questions and then following up with more questions? is this guy going to get fired or something

Dad Found My Yuri 😭😭😭

under my dictatorship we will still have like a million car companies but there will only be like 5 different engines between all of them

tfw your cat walks away from you and youre just like GYATT DAMN

you should all be saying this all the time

do any car nerds follow me that can tell me why a car would have trouble starting only when its “warm”, i.e. you drove it and let it sit for 10 minutes and it has trouble starting. never has trouble when its cold or hot, just in between

zoom and enhance

i need to suck the ball sweat from his underwear

Real leftists are leftists not because they want the world to burn, but because they still believe in the potential of it

new tires time to drive 90 mph

Les filles de la campagne se débrouillent...

Remember folks, during winter every ten degree temperature drop lowers your tire’s PSI by 1 so it’s very important to go to the gas station and notice that the air thing doesn’t work and then do that five more times at five different gas stations

proof memory unsafe languages suck: minecraft bedrock edition is written in C++, and sucks minecraft java edition is written in java, and is the best selling game of all time

Coming around on the Chapo theory that he's leaking all of these to generate headlines that prominently mention him having a girlfriend

you guys wouldnt hate me if i used to be a stock market degen right

they really banned ctxplz

It's honestly kind of funny that the premise here is that students are going to gather to watch the woman known exclusively for writing a bad essay do some public speaking.

There's a lot of talk about how men create societal problems b/c they can't keep it in their pants but Olivia Nuzzi has created a generational health disaster because she thought leatherface was fuckable

imagining the open ai boardroom with a graph showing confirmed user suicides plateauing and the executives being like "HOW ARE WE GONNA GET THAT UP!!"

Bro is crashing the fuck out 😭

jesus fucking christ

i am estrogening estrogenly (just did my shot)

IS IT HAPPENING???

whenever you see me make a really fucked up post just know this is exactly how i feel

so transphobic how i need to fix my own brake light i need a twunk to do it and beg to fuck me afterwards

is it ethical to mine bitcoin to heat up your room

insane local news just dropped. i've lived in a part of KC for ~decade and it's been an inside joke with friends and service workers that the local biz/party district is ran by a cartel of biz owners who bully out new ventures and replace them with generic dive bars for white suburbanites. Well UH

Shhh let me problematically imagine stickbug yuri of real life people I only know through the internet

shutting the fuck up is praxis

i heart that fr. cleanup on aisle my pants

is paying for things?

my social media platform wont even take your email. you forgot your password? too bad

No one has scammed and beclowned the human race like cats. "Aww she's sitting on me" she's sapping your energy. "Aww she's purring" she's communicating with the devil, her father in hell