Celebrating by checking out all asses today equally.

If the Rapture is late by 15 minutes, legally you are allowed to sin.

Praying to all the Gods,so i cover all my bases for tomorrow.

are ur kids talking about autism? ttyl - take tylenol you loser aita - autism is tylenol ahhhh wtaf - where tylenol? autism fiending gtfo - get tylenol, freakin out g2g - got to go (pick up tylenol)

white man did it in less than a week brown people been protesting disney for idk how long

My autumnal dating advice is to bring a date a gourd in lieu of flowers. Not a pumpkin, a gourd. A weird, bumpy, gnarled one. uglier the better

Tylenol gives you autism, Motrin gives you ADHD. These are the facts people.

I don’t care if it’s controversial, if you support this administration and RFK jr and his fuck-ass takes in any way, i don’t think you deserve to get to have the wonderful presence of autistic person around you! I think you should go find a hole to rot in and leave everyone alone. 😤

they’re putting Kimmel back on the air. I would now like to see the same amount of outrage for the firing of professors for their statements

I have a problem.... I can't stop making soup.

How it feels when i do my post pee shake and i get that last drop out

Yeah fascism sucks, but have you thought about what this could mean for shareholders?

HOGATIZE ME CAP’N!!!

HEEEEEEEERRRRREEEEEESSS EMMMMMMAAAAAA!

who believes the rapture is coming that owns a herman miller

I spent the day hiking into larch season as a Filipino on sept 21st, protesting in spirit para mabuhay kayo, as Vice ganda said ✨️🍂🫶🏽

Got told I have a corporate voice at the drive thru.

Physically cringing when I realize how bad a joke is but I already hit post....

It's crazy that the words, ass, rear end, butt, hams, booty, tailgate, trunk, yams, buns all refer to the same body part. But, picking the right one for a joke can drastically impact how funny it is.

Pronouns in bio? Nah, I keep mine in my butt.

Did you know if you get enough likes, they let you pick out the arm they use to put you down?

If you are in this circle, you may redeem this offer for a one time kiss on the forehead or a cheek pinch.

Saw this movie come up in a tiktok rec list of obscure anime. Art and style is 10/10 the story was good though the movie really dragged its feet, but would recommend it for a watch if you have time.

Pretzels experiment - did Alton Brown's recipe this time, taste is the best of all I've tried so far. Instead of a bath did a brushing of water with baking soda. Worked great. At this point I think a new brush will help ensure a more even coat.

It's comin up It's comin up It's comin up It's comin up It's comin up It's comin up

you know after all tbis time you’d tbink they would have an edit button

God is real. 😭😭😭

water towers are so interesting like ooh that's where u keep the water

Just saw a comment “people who only know chop suey shouldn’t come and leave their seat to a real fan” be like me and go to their concert knowing less than 5 songs just to annoy someone today

democrats going "we had to vote for Charlie Kirk because we were scared of violent threats!" is objectively very funny to anyone online, where you regularly receive death threats for things like liking the wrong kind of pizza, or being a woman

Fellow men, when you were teens did your friends also try to make you watch porn together? Not just like casually show you a naked lady, but like watch an entire video?

You all find some very strange, and not very nice people on here.

Wemen, amirite?

Started watching himouto with my daughter and she keeps going "I wanna be like her when I grow up"

vote @hontdog.bsky.social or stay away from the fucking polls this message brought to you by Cats for Meatlord

My wife, her boyfriend, his girlfriend, our dog and I saw you from across the bar. We wanted to ask if you could move over so there was room for our entire polycule.

I wonder what @emmaline.spills.wine is up to

Once I figured out I could put things in my butt it was all over from there

shits weird man

Not to get political, but I think I'm gonna make pretzels tomorrow.

We don't want fascists dead, we just want them 6 feet underground with comical air tubes struggling to breath as they hide from us.

congress just voted to make :3 a terrorist slogan

just a friendly reminder, since this bot is back on the tl again. i thought i was remembering things wrong, but nope

Erebody else is doing it, and it's so here you go sluts ngl.link/fishsauz38731

Me at the dad meet up

similar energy:

Therapist: why do you think you feel this sense of not belong? Me: *describes my interactions with my white family* Therapist: Your family is racist