What is it when you're horny for something but not sexually? Sorry I'm a le baked

Dad bods are good for your health

hope he gets fired so fast they call him lightning markwayne

“Septum piercings are ugly and trashy” Sir your hairline is doing parkour and you’re worried about a nose ring?

Fun fact: Some kids have gay parents. Some kids end up with gay parents after they're born. Some kids have transgender parents. THE ONLY THING KIDS CARE ABOUT IS IF THEY'RE LOVED AND TAKEN CARE OF FFS OMFG SHUT UP

Yeah... my own take on "can we develop a truly self aware machine?" is "It's unethical to try."

My love language is trying to turn everything into a sexual innuendo

I think we all know the answer to this question if you've been following me for a while

All pee and no nut

C R Y I N G

My o face looks like I've been possessed, according to my boyfriend. Last time, I blacked out and fell asleep so I couldn't tell ya 😅

The amount of effort it takes to keep a relatively clean house and a body that’s not falling apart is too damn high. I have a job! Need me one of those trad wives

Forgot to make sides after absolutely nailing air fried tuna patties so I got McDonald's fries 😅

I'm a whore but I pronounce them horse divorce because of a meme and I can't say it correctly now unless I'm consciously thinking about it

I’ve been watching sped up videos of bread and pastries being baked on TikTok and I’ve never been hornier.

Black stylists get so butthurt when you tell them you get your hair cut at Great Clips. Ma'am, I appreciate that you care about my curls, but I'm not trying to pay $150 for a cut and style. My $20 trim and occasional thinning is just fine. Get your bag, but not from me.

I forgot to tell y'all that @jamiexbee.bsky.social and I almost fought two giant men. They had (arguably nice) mullets and were wearing t-shirts with cut-off sleeves, so my 80s loving ass was annoyed they were ruining the aesthetic. One was extra drunk and the other was his best friend/DD. 1/3

getting real tired of people who claim to be LGBTQ+ advocates being loudly transphobic

I live another day. I guess I just feel shitty.

I was named after a soap opera character from the 80s and it never jived with me. I also hope the Earth rejects my adoptive parents' bodies and carrion eaters refuse to feed off of them. So I looked to strong women in media and decided caffeinated Kathryn Janeway made more sense than Xena.

Istg if I have the Rona after avoiding it for 6 years, I'm just gonna dig a nice hole and lay in it. Forever.

@coachmark25.bsky.social @chelchell.bsky.social Veggie girl brunch! Chicken fried tofu ftw.

wanna see the opposite of a swastika?

Thing 2 has entered the chat

Get my gal some goodies. She deserves it.

First time jogging in about a month now that my knee doesn't feel like it's going to pop clean off. Shins are still wonky and my inner thighs are off balance, but it's fixable.

There should be an international go outside and scream at the sky day

This thing decided that I need to cuddle before I do anything. I raised her from a 2 pound snack to a 12 pound entree so I suppose I gotta fulfill my motherly duties and let her hang for a bit.

13 hours of sleep must mean that I really needed rest 😅 Hi, everybody! Enjoy your Saturday!

I'm wearing tape on my finger because I have yarn burn... I guess I won't knit any more tonight, which means I have to do my school work 😅

Child abuse survivor here. Yes TF it is. I didn't go to the doctor or get my vaccinations until they were forced to put me in school at 15. Doctors can also look for signs of physical and mental abuse, which would have been caught in my case if I had regular care. Healthcare is childcare. Period.

Okay okay. My grandma was right; you kinda do have to practice before your work starts looking good enough to wear.

I talk a lot of shit for someone whose feet don't touch the floor when I sit on the couch

i talk a lot of shit for someone who routinely gets stuck taking off her sports bra

"JuSt PuLl YoUrSeLf Up By ThE bOoTsTrApS" Bro, the fucking bootstraps are chafing my fucking taint, there is no more up

Visiting Chicago changed my life because more I'm pissed that I have to drive everywhere, even though I love my car. It was so bloody easy and cheap! Even Atlanta's MARTA system doesn't compare for me.

My doppelganger speaks truth

Oops

I want butt stuff and a hunk of chocolate cake

There really is a lot of good in the Good Book. Though don’t get me wrong there’s a lot of heinous shit too. It was written by men after all, & constantly edited/changed to fit their needs It just sucks that the loudest xtians are the same ones that ignore the core message of their supposed messiah

I do not want to buy Spiritbox promotional coffee I do not want to buy Spiritbox promotional coffee I do not want to buy Spiritbox promotional coffee I

Exactly why I got a new record player with a lid.

Shall I compare thee to a summer's day, dude?

I just remembered how this dude I went on a date with from one of The Dating Apps™ visibly cringed at the thought of butt plugs and I thanked him for his time and left.

Ew, no. *motions to everything*

“So am I covered if I bang it up when bitches won’t move and get out the way?”

It's a grown up pop day. Florence Hilary Carly Rae

It's a turban day. I'm not doing my hair. But I have more smoked sardines and crackers for lunch so I'm pretty pumped about that.

baja blast bidets