Sam's Club Elon Musk ass behavior

Those of us with primordial angelic DNA expressing itself be like

Call me old-fashioned but emails are where people bother you for work and texts are where people bother you for personal matters, face-to-face is for funerals

director asks question finance: long winded answer not answering question sales: long winded answer not answering question me: direct, concise answer director: thanks leah, that's what i was poking at

my mama said transphobes are perverts

ending call "Okay talk to y'all in 12 minutes"

for sale: baby shoes (baby sucked)

Not to brag, but my doctor just described me as "fairly healthy"

He's just like me fr

Nostalgia bait doesn't work on me because I used to binge drink

Inter-sex relations would probably go much easier if men could be carried around like yappy Pomeranians in a giant purse.

when maga's bashing the pope

Someone should write an obituary for the Hatch Act.

Logging on GM

have cans, will travel

NEW—US Department of Education sent out standard Out of Office language to employees on Wednesday in light of shutdown. Later yesterday, workers tell me they found someone had updated their auto-responses without consent to a new one blaming Democrats. Version of original on left, updated on right:

"Thank y'all!" *meeting ends* CARRIBEAN QUEEN NOW WE'RE SHARING THE SAME DREAM

have can, will wheel

To all my friends in the US, Portland needs a little support right now. A kind that's easy to give- please be vocal about the misinformation being spread. Saying it's not true is enough. If you want to go further, cite the FBI's own crime tracker. Portland doesn't even make the top 50 cities.

The General Assembly can’t come to an agreement on legislation to fund the state’s $319M Medicaid rebase shortfall, which covers the gap between projected and actual expenses. With no deal in sight, NC DHHS said it was planning reimbursement rate cuts. www.theassemblync.com/all-newslett...

I'm an amazing 3rd wheel and have can provide recommendations at request

Spicy white folks can and do enjoy doing praxis and they’re still spicy white because doing praxis is inherently wholesome

Bluesky feed is like ------------------ we're doomed ------------------ we're doomed ------------------ we're doomed ------------------ cute kitty! ------------------ we're doomed ------------------ we're doomed ------------------ [adult content] ------------------ we're doomed ------------------

[Werner Herzog voice] Charlie Brown seems surprised when Lucy pulls away the football, and yet he knows that failure is his destiny

From the very first cave paintings humans have ached to see themselves reflected in the mirror of consciousness, to pass the world through a prism of common experience and make meaning from the threads of our shared humanity. Our entire economy now hinges on the idea that people don't

between this and people freaking out about troops not getting paid there's a non-zero chance that the protestants sack Rome again

Picture unrelated

all men should go to jail

“I read the Bible for myself and decided the pope’s got it all wrong.” oh gee wonder why nobody ever thought of that before

It's fascinating how certain groups of people have convinced themselves that the height of intelligence is not having new ideas, not trying new things, not changing anything, not improving anything, standing perfectly still and hoping nothing goes wrong for you personally

Me when I meet Matt Walsh

let the gourd times roll

When the shutdown ends, Democrats will say something like "We stared down Donald Trump and Republicans conceded to give billions to health insurance companies and only kill some of you instead of the planned most."

Me when I'm evangelizing the good word of Misandry

I’m gonna need the rest of the WASPs out there to realize that the rules we were raised with do not exist anymore. The social contract is broken

My brother is incensed that the VA is being political

Hegseth: "Democrats can haz FAFO, UwU :3" 5 Star General flown in on short notice: "Sir, I command a fleet of submarines each armed with a nuke."

Girl if you were a steak I'd send you back because that was very well-done

#BREAKING | Al Jazeera correspondent: The Steadfastness Flotilla has decided to continue its journey to Gaza even if Israeli forces intercept some of its ships.

I just want to live a life full of lavish pleasures in my secluded hut.

hell yeah it is

i don’t understand how with everything happening to trans people now, you can just sit there and blame them for everything and feel like history will look kindly on you.

winded in the middle of the living room “So Beppe that was Janet Jackson’s 1993 song, If. Your mama totaled a car listening to that song while trying to outrun tropical storm Hanna. Janet was moving into her more sexual era. How old are you in cat years? I think you can watch the music video”

work requested i take a full hour for lunch today and Beppe is thrilled

🦝💅🏼✨

All this talk debate about whether women are fit for the military makes me feel like I’m going insane because my mom literally joined the army in the 80s. Her older sister joined. My cousin who’s now in her 50s was career navy. The vp of my old company was retired air force.

On my way to steal your girl

Pumpkin spice this pussyyyyyy

Me when I started at current company: liberal coworkers are not your friends don't talk politics at work Me now: commie its us against them "I absolutely want to hear your supernatural story taking place in an abortion clinic homie, you have my full fucking attention"

i wonder what it’s like to look around every day and see the country being run into the ground by pill-poppers and secret police and anti-vaxxers and book burners and you go into work and sit down at your computer and you’re the guy whose job it is to come up with new oreos flavors